The Conscience Struggle

[Paramik]

::|The Conscience Struggle|::
Come follow me, as I lead out of the temptations way.
No, I will not go, cause Im always here to forever stay.
Your going the wrong way,….. You’ve got to turn back.
Follow me before you get lost in to temptations tracks.
Forget turning back, his eyes got me going to proceed.
Don’t get it all wrong man, he is just there to mislead.
Just get out of my head, I don’t care what you’ve said.
This thought is to lure you,.. greater things are ahead.
I got to kill him, to remove the horror flick in my mind.
Just don’t do it, turn back I know you can find it inside.
Stop talking to me, you’re getting everything so wrong.
Then why are you still singing, this deep-thought song.
How do you know?…., I don’t even know who you are.
I’m your conscience, that one thing that got you so far.
I am not going to stop, I need to regain my confidence.
Beware of ya criminal heart, just follow your conscience.

-In Memory Of All Those Who Killed Someone Then Commited Suicide.

[Paramik]

Just something I wrote up quick.
The Un Explained Feeling Of A Love Story- el poeta

Blinded...-Twixn

[Jon]

It was pretty nice, but I dont get the part where he killed himself after he murdered someone? It was too short, I think that was the problem, it just seemed unfinnished. But the part that I could understand, it was nice, vocabulary was outstanding. I loved the sylable usage, it worked out perfect for your style of writing. I think you will become one of the better writers in the OM forum as you keep writing. You had very nice structure, which also probably helped your flow. This peice was outstanding besides the unfinished story line. Keep writitng man. You could use a few tips from Bounce or Edicus, but your on your way man. Oh, and if you can, could you leave some decent feed on my new peice, "The Poetic Change".

pz.

[soulstice.]

it was cool, pretty short piece i guess, but you fit a lot of good shit into this, rhyme scheme was pretty simple, and vocabulry was cool i guess... the title drew me in as well, however, a con of this piece was that i didnt like how you stated the ending w/o many hints in the actual piece as to what it would be... jsut try and use more detail next time. good piece,a nd i understand its a key, i like your other work much better

hit up my piece "Inbetween Dreams"

[Paramik]

Yeah It's a Epilougue to something i've been writing.

[P. Mortuus]

This was a good piece, for an epilouge anyway... i like ideas of making min-seiries as i sometimes think of doing that myself. Reading your verse the reader feels the frustration of two minds in one man i.e. the devil and angel thing that do this and no do that. i can feel that in here. I reckon the vocab was aight for this piece and sop was the flow. Overall, it's a good piece...
Also, if ya got tiem can ya leave some explained feed on my OM: Lil Suzie
Preciate it , thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=289261

[Paramik]

Upping.
Feedbak and I'll will feedback on your Open Mics and battles.

[Drunken Genius]

decent piece, good structure, nice vocab but some rhymes were forced, i wudve liked to see more multies and a lil better of a flow but overall it was nice, if you could return feed on my piece "flyin high" thatd be great

[2hot2handle]

It was ok, vocab seemed like you can do better with it. Good topic and structure. Nice emotion, try some metaphors and make ya piece longer, it was short. U can do much better but it was ok. It was worth the read.

[Paramik]

Upping.
JUst leave your links and i'll feedback....

[Pen'sill.]

Nice, nice..
here it is-

I liked your emotion first off. I appreciate the way you describe this story in your own unique way, but it lacked the complete sense of complexity that I expected..If you use a bit more of an expansive vocab, and intertwine that with the emotion and deep storylines you already bring, You will see the effects..
Better vocab improves everyone..Nice drop though man....Collab sometime if you want.

-Pen'sill.

(Please check my OM and leave feed. It's in my sig-"The World As Portrayed.")
Thanks...

[KalmKidd]

very good drop almost felt like it was really happing NICE

[Paramik]

Feedback.
plzzz

[Paramik]

Last up.
Please feedback.

[Cody Nash]

good good. not the best i've seen, but a decent perspective on the outake of this. your internals weren't too good on this but then again it was a real short one. i think you could've gone a lot bigger with this one if it was a bit more informational. not too much more infmormation but at least some filler and such to go more into the persons feelings about what's happening. what's going on. you know, things like that. good shit though, decent read. glad to have you in scytsophrenia. good job,

!Nash

Hit Medicated Corpses, it's should be somewhere on front of OM ..