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Thread: The Un explained Feeling Of A Love Story.

  1. #1
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    The Un explained Feeling Of A Love Story.

    The Un explained Feeling Of A Love Story.

    The meeting
    My life meaningless, with out her
    heart beating from in her breast…
    Forsaken stress, the reason my
    souls distressed weeping from chest…
    The very apparition of life, lies in
    her eyes thus lighting mine alike.
    She was distressed, blessed with
    beauty leathered in a weathered red dress…
    As she approached I noticed,
    the elegance that was ever
    evident, a realised…As I see
    her eyes, she was a wondering
    star endeavoured with-in stormy skies…
    Hard times, was clear, fresh,
    in a mesh of subtle life less,
    resided in her life yes…
    I thought to myself, as I
    placed a my hand in her grasp,
    as to welcome her past…
    I gently asked, why are you
    eyes tinted with a haze, a
    shade a pain, as she wept...
    I held in my clasp as she
    gasped and retracted her step,
    closer she came closer…
    A vivid image of a sedative
    Smile, upon loves painted poster
    Upon the final moment of depart
    a number exchanged, to palm…
    Calm yet seductive embrace,
    a silent charm of femme fatals face…
    The intricate thoughts provoked
    that night, of clarity bright
    on that mind flight
    Aroused my attention to
    relentlessly make contact,
    surely it would feel right ?



    First date
    Led away by A heart of stone,
    or as it seemed tantalised
    by distorted dreams away
    Life is a mere dream, a fleeting shadow on a
    cloudy day, as I loudly unfold
    The silence was a blood-curdling scream
    Of anguish, set out to break my soul
    Suddenly, silence broke
    Laughter of tension was spoke…
    Entrapped in each other eyes
    As a smile slowly awoke
    Cloaked, masked in fate
    Wine surrendered to the cup
    The sculpting of our first date.


    3 years down the line
    Apple of my eye, wine bleeds dry…
    Cries as apathy whispers it’s last goodbye
    Engulfed in love of another,
    She leaves her coat hindering on the floor…
    I wince perilously as she greats
    A meeting with the wood chipped door…
    Redundant to falcate, rotation of
    Pondering hearts awaiting tomorrow…
    As I fell to the floor, hand held my
    Heart full of borrowed sorrow
    Fatigue in my motion of commotion,
    I lay curled in a whirl of pain…
    As tender lacks slender, my eyes began
    To uncontroably rain, pain
    Caught up in emotion though lost
    In the sands of time does gather…
    But would I rather, die alone or paint a canvas
    In which I sit high on an alumni throne
    Divorced of-course from horse drawn carriage…
    The vital, final, spinal tearing
    Serronades a failure in marriage.
    Last edited by Poeta Demonio; April 27th, 2006 at 07:29 PM
    AI


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  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Last edited by Poeta Demonio; April 27th, 2006 at 07:30 PM
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  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    I really switched my style in this one, i mean heavilly... It still has that poetic touch, probably more so due to the structure, but in content i've made a heavy switch...

    Feed people ?
    AI


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  4. #4
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Feed will be retuurned and also above all apreciated
    AI


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  5. #5
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Anyone want to kick start the feed ?

    I know it's fairly long, But nothing wrong with length huh ?
    AI


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  6. #6
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    Not even one feed ?
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  7. #7
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    this was very deep and intense, the emotion was on point and the flow was very smooth and easy. I love your style and the topics you take on, expecially this one, your name suits you. I dont know why people arent leaving feed because you are one of the best topical writers on here. I love your work so keep writing and PM me anytime you have something new

    If you have time take a look at my new OM "from children to numbers" it's just the introduction in a 2 parter and your feed back would be appreciated
    Thank You
    Battles that need Closure


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  8. #8
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loch Loco
    this was very deep and intense, the emotion was on point and the flow was very smooth and easy. I love your style and the topics you take on, expecially this one, your name suits you. I dont know why people arent leaving feed because you are one of the best topical writers on here. I love your work so keep writing and PM me anytime you have something new

    If you have time take a look at my new OM "from children to numbers" it's just the introduction in a 2 parter and your feed back would be appreciated
    Thank You
    Beleive me there is alot better topical heads on RB man lol... You just need to look harder, Poetry is my main forte though, topical isn't my main interest... thanks alot man, i'll be sure to check it out dude.

    And thanks for the compliments dude...
    AI


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  9. #9
    Mikey B
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    Alright......

    I liked this one alot...I liked how you rhymed more on this one..Better suited the Open Mic theme, but yeah-I noticed how you did make a change...It seemed to me this was even more full of goodness than you're others..I don't know if you meant to do it, but I found alot of hidden meanings in the lines.......I loved the multis and just overall clean..
    much love-thanks for the help

    ~Grim..

  10. #10
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MISTA GRIM
    Alright......

    I liked this one alot...I liked how you rhymed more on this one..Better suited the Open Mic theme, but yeah-I noticed how you did make a change...It seemed to me this was even more full of goodness than you're others..I don't know if you meant to do it, but I found alot of hidden meanings in the lines.......I loved the multis and just overall clean..
    much love-thanks for the help

    ~Grim..
    Worth a nom ?
    AI


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  11. #11
    Mikey B
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    i already nominated "To my beloved Josie" they'll think I'm dickriding if i nominate a nother of your pieces...

  12. #12
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    Don't worry i was joking lol...

    Thanks so far... Upping.
    AI


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  13. #13
    Mikey B
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    alright man, hopefully wit your help------------
    My next piece will be HoF......

    :wink:

  14. #14
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    Lol, upping.
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  15. #15
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    Upping for feed, c'mon people...
    AI


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