Vengence

[YuNg D]

In the car waiting as i load dual berettas
Vengence is to soft the emotion i feel is vendetta
Motionless,silently waiting playing in my mind
How it was gonna go down how i was gonna get mine
Hands sweating and im gritting my teeth
Throw the black mask on finger ready to squeeze
Heart skipping some beats throat closes up its getting harder to breathe
Im stressin,but now im getting to be anxious
I feel like a man with these guns in my hand like im dangerous
My anger just gets to the point where im feeling fuck life
If this thing goes bad i feel like its gonna be alright
Turn off the lights as their car starts approachin
Need to get my mind right need to try and get focused
Lean lower in the seat put out the blunt i was smokin
Im ready..they hop out the car laughin not knowin im across the way
Not knowin im staring at them I hold the key to their fate
They go up the steps open the door into the house
I open my door on my car and squat down when i get out
Dont shut it...cause they might peek out the blinds
I wanna catch them off guard the element of suprise
I make my way around the back of the house
In the bush look through the window to see some kids and a spouse
Im thinking oh shit should i do it in front of the kids
I didnt come this far to turn back i gotta get my revenge
I see where them niggas kickin it and theres one by the fridge
Im ready..i sneak around to the backdoor and kick it off the hinge
im in..Im blastin at them niggas and they kids
If you could look in my eyes you would see that i mean biz
I black out then wake up not knowing what i did
Then i turn to my right and theres that nigga by the fridge

THE END

LINK:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...t=288184...and theres on in sig

[detremental.]

That shit was deep nigga. forreal I liked the whole thing from top to bottom. You worded it well and the ending was hittin man. really liked that one. keep it up forreal man. I don't know how you do it.

[YuNg D]

thx fam much apprieciated..i just focus and picture the stories in my mind and just rhyme...ive only been rapping for about 6 months now...i still got room to elevate...im willing to help any person i can any way...you just gotta be motivated and be willing to do what i say..

[ItsCyrious]

this shyt was dope fam...definantly a good drop...im feelin the way ur describing ya actions as u go on through the story..it asif i kno exactly how u felt and where u were commin from..sum real shyt..the end is hottt....makes me wonder..keeps me guessin..makes me wanna read a part two
8/10

[YuNg D]

link 1 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288193

[Spoken]

this was pretty good, you had some pretty good imagery but it could have been written wit more ideal thoughts, the vocab was aight but it could have been better you need to improve on the, but back to the imagery, i liked how u wrote down how you felt and how u feel at the moment when u were doing, holdin, or about to do sumfin, like the part about you having the guns in your hands, but overall it was iight but could have been much better and alil bit better vocab and imagery, keep it up

[◄Patʁone►]

Nice concept, very compelling
entertaining on some ice t, eazy e story tellin shit.
Simple but nice peice, props

Peazoz

[YuNg D]

uppin

[YuNg D]

uppin

[Wireless]

it was...meh...

I've seen better, seen worse...

You started out good, sort of lured me in..you kept it somewhat consistent, but then sort of fell off towards the end...You had decent imagery, and a nice rhyme scheme...your vocab was good, but there still is room for elevation...try to make it...hmmm...more complex ...and try wording it differently is some parts...you did that in some parts, but in others its looked real simplistic..

MY FAV PART:

In the car waiting as i load dual berettas
Vengence is to soft the emotion i feel is vendetta
Motionless,silently waiting playing in my mind
How it was gonna go down how i was gonna get mine
Hands sweating and im gritting my teeth
Throw the black mask on finger ready to squeeze


Like i said, you started out well...i see talent, keep it up...

[K.Gee]

you did good man. its some deep lyrics. Its got good imagery and it gives me a good view of the storyline. sometimes i did not feel as if the rhymes worked that well together, but nevertheless it was a hot verse.