Die For Me Thy Lady In Red

[Tim]

Lay with me once more tonight, my love
For tomorrow we journey through the eternity above
As we Picture the place that the scriptures embrace
Made of Heavenly Beauty with a mixture of Grace
Where souls melt and divide for religions we've knelt beside
When we delt with pride, but couldn't describe how we felt inside
For this, my dear is true love, as most can see
So let me hold you close to me, forever like we're supposed to be
We shall shun our worth, as we have done since birth
In the mourning, they shall mourn, when we are one with the earth
Stopping us heartless, with the drop of a cartridge
Moppin carnage from a sloppy carcass chopped in the garbage
Through the gardens of darkness we embark on the danger
As a dark stranger black as the wings of the Arc Angel
Don't regret that you tried to hide forgettin' your pride
You gotta let it slide and try to set it aside
Our memories shall survive in the journals we keep
But for now, we journey deep into eternal sleep
Do not weep for your loved ones, but go be with them tonight
One day they shall see the light, and you will reunite
But you need not hold that weight, for you are my soul mate
Do not be afraid, as we venture through the Golden Gates
Now I lay me down down to sleep to die by my Baptist
As you lie in your casket, say goodbye with one last kiss
Letting Catholic Decisions carve our Epitathic visions
Like the graphic incisions caused by traffic collisions
Where the cries and repention men are tryin' to mention
Are merely signs of attention towards Divine Innervention
Intertwined with the tension to earn the hand of his throne
But I've grown as the man you've known to stand on his own
Those crippled in slaughter and dead are genuine friends of mine
But one ripple in the water, can spread untill the end of time
As eternities of friendships start when mingles are kept
And how journeys of endlessness begin with a single step
How much sorrow and fear will appear before tomorrow is near
And if I can't cry, can I borrow a tear?
So much pain, surley the World can be saved
From being placed at The Pearly Gates or Raced to an early grave
Close your eyes, my words are clever
As we rise to the chosen skies, 2 birds of a feather
Together forever, I confide in you
Thy lady in red tried and true
Just know I will always be beside you

R.I.P

[Tim]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=283883
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=283381

[Poeta Demonio]

I thought you wern't allowed to drop SS verses befor the SS battle is closed ?

You can ?

[Tim]

i never heard of such a rule

plus aus no-showed it shouldnt be a problem

[Poeta Demonio]

I'll feed regardless lol.

this was a great peice, i felt the emotion grab my attention the whole way through, you really have a talent for getting your emotiong onto the page beautifully, the wording was extreamly well placed and very descriptive, this was one of the key things that stood out to me in the peice, thus grabbed my attention the whole way through, some of the imagery was actually out standing... this would have been one of my favorites 'Stopping us heartless, with the drop of a cartridge
Moppin carnage from a sloppy carcass chopped in the garbage
Through the gardens of darkness we embark on the danger
As a dark stranger black as the wings of the Arc Angel'

I found that amazingly outstanding... your flow was consistant and kept me also interested in the read, usually i get distracted easilly from reading peices, as they always seem to have flaws, but i found this extremely enjoyable and really got into it quickly.
Your structure used was also good, you have a unique style of writting, it's a style that seems based on poetry more than anything, yet mixed in with excellant flow and great qualities that a rap peice should have, alot of people can't grasp this mixture well, but i found it a really useful, and enjoyable technique to use... very well done on this, i'm impressed, i havn't seen that much of your peices, but as i said i'm very impressed.

[Tim]

thanks my friend

uppin

[Tim]

uppers

leave links

[Dyl]

Ok Tim this was an excellant piece.Emotion and imagery just blew me away.You worded everything perfectly and vocabulary was very good also.You stuck to the topic very well and did not bullshit on with filler lines,you had the readers attention at all time and I like that.The piece did not bore me in the slightest,I wanted to read all the way untill the end.
Som amazing lines were in there such as:

Through the gardens of darkness we embark on the danger
As a dark stranger black as the wings of the Arc Angel

just great imagery.Of coarse I could have picked out more but then i would be picking out most of them.Really nice work bro.

If you could drop feed on my OM Herasy

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=282465

[Drewnut]

This piece was actually one of the best I have seen in a while. You had an excellent sense of immagery. It was very descriptive and I could picture it in my mind easily. The use of vocab worked really well and made it fit together wonderfully.
The use of words was amazing.
"We shall shun our worth, as we have done since birth
In the mourning, they shall mourn, when we are one with the earth
Stopping us heartless, with the drop of a cartridge
Moppin carnage from a sloppy carcass chopped in the garbage"

Amazing flow throughout the piece it never got choppy or seemed rushed.You kept it interesting throughout and you never thought "I think i'll just skip the rest." It kept me reading until the end and it got better and better and it went on.
I could fell the emotion in the writing, which doesn't happen that often. It actually made me feel a little bummed out, but that's something most stuff can't do to me.

Obviously the overall enjoyment was high you did great in everything. I wonder what beat this would go to. Maybe Dance with the Devil by Immortal Technique?

[Tim]

thanks guys uppin

[B.I.Detained.]

Just letting you know that I read this Tim. Thought it was a great read, so I put it in for THIS months HOF. Even though it was a couple of days ahead. I'm just a bit lazy with the feed sometimes. Just giving you a heads up anyways.

[Tim]

thanks man glad you liked it that much
stay up we really need to callab sometime
ill pm you

[Steven William]

wow Tim, thank you for saving me from OMs full of being 'Blinged out in my drop top, ready to knock glocks' on the seconds day back. Apparently were not allowed to hate on them no more.

Anyway, you just used to rhyme scheme I started writing my better pieces on .. the internals were basically flawless and the first 6 lines were pretty catchy and grabbing. That basically kept me with it, most OMs lose my attention around line 10 and I jsut finish to make feed n' get link. This was pretty damn good - can't believe Aus n-showed hes usaully good about that. OM HoF for sure - I'm pretty much in awe at how flawlessly written this was, looks like some time was put in not like your usual SS where you toss it together like I do. Haven't seen anything like this from you in a while .. then again I been gone 2 months or so. Keep this up man.

Fav lines -
We shall shun our worth, as we have done since birth
In the mourning, they shall mourn, when we are one with the earth
Stopping us heartless, with the drop of a cartridge
Moppin carnage from a sloppy carcass chopped in the garbage
Through the gardens of darkness we embark on the danger
As a dark stranger black as the wings of the Arc Angel
Don't regret that you tried to hide forgettin' your pride
You gotta let it slide and try to set it aside
Our memories shall survive in the journals we keep
But for now, we journey deep into eternal sleep

Thought those lines were very flawlessly written and pertained well to the story line of things, you also had something I haven't seen much lately. A bit of a writers voice and not just a story telling, you know?
______________
Only Flaw-
As eternities of friendships start when mingles are kept
And how journeys of endlessness begin with a single step

I just think in the second line
And how journeys of endlessness begin with a single step
a could of been replaced with one maybe? It didn't feel like
it flowed flawlessly as the rest of the piece did, maybe just me.

As eternities of friendships start when mingles are kept
And how journeys of endlessness begin with one single step

Nice drop.

drop a line on my new OM
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...99#post4259999

[NiNjah Red]

We shall shun our worth, as we have done since birth
In the mourning, they shall mourn, when we are one with the earth
Stopping us heartless, with the drop of a cartridge
Moppin carnage from a sloppy carcass chopped in the garbage

nice piece yo.. lots of artistic poetry and flow througout.. nice stable amagery .. on point wording f'sho
rhymes landed nicely on the joint.. i dont usualy go for the love type pies..but this had sum real smoothness to it and the visuals was cool
dopely put together

stay 1