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Thread: Drawings on the Wall

  1. #1
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    Drawings on the Wall


    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I
    Am
    Canvas
    Upon which
    Pictures emerge
    Candid inscriptions
    .
    A
    Man
    Of mantra
    Rhythm sticks
    Beat rigid with no
    Language restrictions

    .

    Our ancestors assimilated art form with shapes and reference
    Hieroglyph patterns woven beneath lanterns of benevolence
    For it was wrote… don’t fuck with the serpent who spoke
    To Eve, then provoked her to deceive Adam to eat then choke
    On apple seeds bleeding in Eden, even the heathen be reaping
    As the wolf is sleeping, the beauty of Jezebel is ever deceiving
    Dug deep in a city of gods’ all weak perish in the pity of dogs
    Chariot of fire, coarse hands sustain reins of a hundred horses
    I vomit bile and the bloodstained remains of butchered corpses
    Caught in the tidal wave, acid rains decay my temple with rage
    Enter the lament of a noble sage up from nightfall to day
    Dazed by spoof delirium enemy forces fed with truth serums
    Demons dupe dreams, as sell-outs spill-the-beans for errands
    .
    I
    Am
    Paper
    Colourful
    Tribal mark’s
    Etched upon face
    Sweeping the solar

    .
    A
    Dot
    Of dust
    On this Orb
    Tunefully tender
    Weeping in squalor

    Prayer earns peace for earthlings
    Depths reach deep as an oak trees origins
    Martians and mortals merge forces of RNA
    Sons of god interlace with harmony
    Reaping fresh fodder
    Erect shrines high
    9 virgins sing 4
    The King
    And
    I
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .



  2. #2
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    Last edited by NiNjah Red; March 25th, 2006 at 02:31 PM

  3. #3
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    Man i liked this. You had some intresting and diffrent shit going on in this peice.
    You had both good flow and wordplay and kept on topic and had good imagry good shit overall man.

  4. #4
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    thanx fo checkin it out bro

    up

  5. #5
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    uppin

  6. #6
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    yea this was a dope lil piece..ill imagery..nice vocab and shit..yea..like i said, this was a nice lil peice..probably could of done with being a lil longer..but the flow and wordplay were nice..good stuff..
    .....HaZaRdOuS'.....


  7. #7
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    safe yo 4 checkin it out

    upz

  8. #8
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    Excellent way of setting this little number out. The format was so unusual and I liked it alot, the shape of this poem was brilliant - shape was also mentioned in the first line of the main stanza, very subtle - a nice little idea to spead some origionality on your metaphorical slice of toast. (don't ask ) Yeah overall, I liked this, the vocabulary was fine and the structure was really cool, it flowed pretty easily too. Yeah a nice little piece, my advice to you would be to try and further bring out emotion into the open, I'm not saying bleed on the page, just it's always enjoyable to read something personal that has come directly from the fire in a poet's belly. nice.
    Hello Darkness My Old Friend...I've Come To Talk With You Alone

  9. #9
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    a nice little idea to spead some origionality on your metaphorical slice of toast

    mwhahahahaha....lolz....fosho.....


    yeah i bleed into some pieces..but somtimes find it hard to show emotion in my pieces...and in real life..sometimes i feel like i got no feelings as well


    thanx 4 checkin it out blood


    ill reply to your om scripts in an hour or 2.


    pz

  10. #10
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    aiite this is my last rise on this intergalatic shit

  11. #11
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    Art at its best. Though I have to say, you started out Godly then kinda got...Moses'ly at the end but still, nice piece.Lol.

    It's probably just because the first verse pwned all. =\
    -Insert Sig-



  12. #12
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    word^

    .................................................. ..........
    .................................................. ......................

  13. #13
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    this was pretty good...

    anyhow... after all the shit talk...

    I beat you topically...

    I told you so.




    keep writing.
    pz
    AI

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by R.Christensen
    this was pretty good...

    anyhow... after all the shit talk...

    I beat you topically...

    I told you so.




    keep writing.
    pz


    so what?



    FUCK OFF

  15. #15
    ... Chrit.'s Avatar
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    So now you may want to take my criticism to heart.

    And quit randomly beefing....
    AI

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