User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 22

Thread: Blinded by the Reflections of Old...

  1. #1
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4

    Blinded by the Reflections of Old...

    Blinded by the Reflections of Old

    In the shadows of the podium, the meadows of the afterlife,
    Stalking the presence of the boy, a gun clarifies - The tension's rife.
    Singing to a vast audience, the masses begin to applaud,
    The gun tatters, lighting the dark, revealing the face flaws.

    A myriad of collapsed syntax, amalgamated with mental relapse,
    Multiple impacts pierce flowing thoughts in a series of CLAPS, CLAPS, CLAPS.
    Spazming in artificial flickering lights, fighting the plights,
    Writing the wrongs with the rights of the blurred nights.
    Hopes are bright, reality's dim, an audience of mouths agape,
    Eight ape-like figures descend in winged strings of tape.
    Clouds seep from the steep curves of his reddened heap,
    Sweat drips, Death's harvest ripens and he begins to reap.

    Tattered threads intricately tear the stiffled air,
    Crying it's unfair, reaching under his corpse's hair.
    A small puff of red dilluted moisture heads skyward,
    Medics hold back the sick, muffling aside sly words.
    Birds sqwak in the barren wastes of the arena's rear,
    A first tier murder calls for the fires of the first tear.

    Gun man walking, the flashes of killing stain his face,
    Retrieving his case, and walking a guilty man's race.
    The emergency exit creeps open, screaming as his son did,
    His son dead after his first live performance, DEAD, DEAD, DEAD.

    Stepping back from the mirror, the ideas his figure reflects scare,
    Singing startles his pale appearance, and then he saw him there.
    His beautiful son, singing his beautiful song where he'd left him,
    The boy stands aware of his father's angst, turning from the dim.
    His right temple empty, blood dripping, it was meant to be a daydream!
    Trying to emit a scream, his body falls limp, and fades into the cream.

    Red eyes struggle to open, the sterile white brings memories flooding back,
    Relief crosses anger, SHOUTING into the white as it grows black.

    And thus, the door to Mr. Morisson's cell closes. The book comes to an abrupt end. Having killed his son, he relives it in nightmares, day dreams, everyday activity. Staring into the mirror that isn't there, he's left blinded by the reflections of old, those that most of us wish may never be told.



    End.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned Antonio Banderas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,928
    Battle Record
    52-15
    This was a pretty solid drop. The content seemed to be original and this piece reflected the title Blinded by the Reflections of Old very well. The flow, message and deliverance of this piece were all composed well.

  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    Thanks for the feed.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  5. #5
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10
    A myriad of collapsed syntax, amalgamated with mental relapse,
    Multiple impacts pierce flowing thoughts in a series of CLAPS, CLAPS, CLAPS.
    Spazming in artificial flickering lights, fighting the plights,
    Writing the wrongs with the rights of the blurred nights.
    Hopes are bright, reality's dim, an audience of mouths agape,
    Eight ape-like figures descend in winged strings of tape.

    that part seemed to grab me really well... but like i said in the ss thread... i thought you ended this really nicely... you didint overload your vocab for the common veiwer... but still got the message across nicely... i loved the almost crispness of this peice... you definatly still know how to write a good topical

    you been writing since you've been gone?
    READ MORE

  6. #6
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    Nope.. Nothing.. The only writing I've been doing really has been for SS... This is the first piece I've written properly in a long while. Glad to be back though... Thanks for the feed
    Po'Ethics Lives

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    2,812
    Battle Record
    54-7
    Well I Have to say this was an excellent peice..really enjoyable to read
    topic was nice and creative and pretty interesting..imagery was here man
    vocab too...complexity was good and rhymes were good and not simple
    mutlies were good and overall this was a good drop....keep it up..peace

    can u leave feed on my drop(should be one of the top peices on the page so you'll see it,thanks)

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    3,288
    Battle Record
    28-5
    yeah nice imagery and visuals...
    i just thought lines 5-6 were a bit too much.. a bit over-vocabed< w/e that means...


    i thought this whole section was sic tho-

    Spazming in artificial flickering lights, fighting the plights,
    Writing the wrongs with the rights of the blurred nights.
    Hopes are bright, reality's dim, an audience of mouths agape,
    Eight ape-like figures descend in winged strings of tape.
    Clouds seep from the steep curves of his reddened heap,
    Sweat drips, Death's harvest ripens and he begins to reap.

    flowed ill fosho.........
    all in all a nice...solid poetic strewn piece of artwork.. nice use of visions with colours for added effect

    i thought it ended a bit passively as such...

    other than... nice

    check out piece in my alias yeah
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278986
    .................................................. ......................

  9. #9
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    I'll leave feed bright and breezy tomorrow.. Going out now.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  10. #10
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6
    alright wonderful..vocab was flawles structure was flawless----best piece i've seen here in a while----nomination my friend
    nomination

  11. #11
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    Thank you Mista Grim... Appreciate it.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  12. #12
    Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    121
    Battle Record
    4-2
    good shit and i mean it...i really enjoyed reading
    this one..matter a fact i wanted to read it over again
    but i had to post you a comment with what i thought..
    your structure was perfect...flow was good vocab was good
    great creativity and imagiry
    good stuff man keep it up

  13. #13
    r!PpER
    Guest
    yea, even the title was so interesting i had to peep, and your delivery and content went good with it. your structure + flow were both good, good rhymes, nice vocabs used, not too complicated but still enough to make the delivery. good work

  14. #14
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    Thanks for the feedback.. Leave links.. I'll leave some feed on those who asked soon.. Got a lot of work on at the moment.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  15. #15
    Banned MakeShyft's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    1,087
    Battle Record
    1-8
    Ah.

    This was a decent piece,

    the imagry was alright, your wording kinda reminded me of V, from that new vendetta movie. Although I liked how you scripted the ending, that was tight.. some flow was off.. you gotta try to close up the sylables on the lines, but i think for the most part this was solid.

    rtf http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280165

Similar Threads

  1. Blinded
    By the_origin in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 1st, 2008, 11:44 PM
  2. Blinded.
    By Twixn... in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: April 28th, 2006, 10:49 PM
  3. Blinded by Reflections of Old (SS verse)
    By Plexus in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: April 9th, 2006, 05:05 PM
  4. Blinded...Verse 1
    By adonai in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: February 11th, 2005, 11:38 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •