A Few Short Poems <(*-*)> [can you identify the forms?]

[Mag...]

Tattoo

believe in beauty lost and never found
a gothic script twists 'round and 'round my arm
your name, my name, forever we are bound

a needle piercing has a certain charm
it binds the dark, so dark against my skin
and pain is wrought, yet I am never harmed

the image draws a look where lips pull thin
assume you know the sin within my soul
but now I know, "I end where you begin..."
____

Freestyle

freestyle

is bending thoughts

through a syntax rhythm

words exploding in the moment

"well-versed"
____

Day-Dream

The forsaken part of a day
its absences

the silent eyes notice mundane
soft silences

now slip beneath our eyelids
sleep quietly

moments divided; so insipid
defiantly
____

Herb

a spark on a leaf

silent embrace of the sting

dark clouds drift away

softly descending rhythms

haunting tranquility
____

Gone

softly now

don't speak, don't whisper

only breathe

memorize and sigh

motion with your heart

a silent goodbye

[Withersman]

dope...

Elaborate next time, this isn't an acceptable reply.

[TProphet]

Day-Dream

The forsaken part of a day
its absences

the silent eyes notice mundane
soft silences

now slip beneath our eyelids
sleep quietly

moments divided; so insipid
defiantly

^ I cant really explain how much that poem appealed to me, Except to say that what you wrote is very true, but ofcourse it is otherwise you wouldnt have wrote it.. i supose i see this as what you opinion of daydream is and i see a day dream as the same thing, if im making any sense
Written very well. the structure helped it kind of roll of the tongue

Each poem was nice in the way that they were short and sweet, helping them to stick in your mind.. as you try and connect with what you are explaining

Very nice writing

[Mag...]

thanks guys... i appreciate it... i'll keep an eye out for your work to return the favour

anyone else?

[Violent.]

Tattoo.
Nice rhyme scheme, Not to keen on the peom itself, Jus not my style. BUt the structure was dope

Freestyle

Lol i though this was dope, Its like a Luther King speech or something. Very powerful.

Day Dream
I though this was dope to. Very emotional. I like the way you described such a simple thing in so much detail.Nice peice.

Herb
This was a nice peice too, the final line ended very nicely.

Gone

My favourite peice. Its like something you see on the front of a valentines card or something.
Very emotional and very deep.
Dope peice..

Overall some dope poetry man

[Mag...]

i appreciate the comments man... i'll try to find some time to read some of yours

pz

[Violent.]

I dun got any

lol.

Im waiting on my colllab with you.

[DaGyrlRemarqabL]

o0o0o0oh. Verrrrry nice. I especially liked "Tattoo" and "Gone." Man, "Gone" really made me feel some type way. Just the mental images that arise from a few meaningful words, amazing.

[Laureate]

Tattoo
nicely done, presented a good mental image to me, since I have a tattoo of my own, Good metaphors used in this

Freestyle
Thought this was ok, its true to how i write freeverses

Day Dream
I really like the descriptional detail of this part, everything read smoothly and I thought this was very well done


Herb
Good imagry and metas in this

Gone
This was my favorite. the line "memorize and sigh" was beautiful. Just a great image and wordchoice

[Mag...]

since everybody liked 'Gone' and not very many have taken a guess at the forms... then I should divulge some info about 'Gone'

it is a modified short line tanka... a tanka is like a haiku... except it goes 5-7-5-7-7... however many english writers of tanka shorten the syllable length to gain the same effect of brevity that a true japanese tanka would have... some believe this helps stay truer to the form and preserve the intent of a 'short' poem which is to be simplistic

thus my poem started 3-5-3-5-5.... however, in the end it just cam short of what I needed to get a 'full' emotion across... so i added the last 3 syllable line, and presto! it actually made me sad when i finished writing it... the reason i didn't just make it 4-6-4-6-6 was that even numbered syllables tend to lead people to try to find an iambic or trochaic meter... tankas and haikus are hampered by the natural tendency for one to look for a meter that is why the staggered syllables in odd numbers creates such a caustic approach, so full of pauses to contemplate

[Mantra]

Tattoo - Terza Rima

Really dug the content here. I'm a fiend for
getting inked so anything about it always interests me.
I'm not real fond of the terza rima scheme though.
I dont like how the three line stanzas fit with it;
seems like it throws the rhythm off. Assuming there's
supposed to be one. :^/

Freestyle - Cinquain

Wasn't feeling this one as much as the preceeding poem.
Maybe it was the theme or the form, dunno. Just not as appealing
to me personally.


Daydream - ?

I liked this, but couldn't figure out what form it was.
Seemed almost impressionistic the way you wrote it.
Regardless it was nicely done.


Herb - Tanka, japanese style except for the shortened last line.

Liked this one alot; had a really serene feel to it.
I love to sit on my back porch at night and blaze,
it's definitely one of the most relaxing feelings.
This poem painted that same picture and the last line
epitomized it: "haunting tranquility".


Gone -

I'd have to agree with everyone else in that this was
my favorite. The word choice really gave it a strong
emotional feel and i think it compliments your ability
as a writer when so much can be derived from so little.
Nice work.

[Mag...]

good work on the forms man... 'day-dream' was actually something i just made up... thanks for checking it out

[Nib Oswald]

Oh goody, I got the same as Mantra for the 'pick-the-style' mini-game.

Lovely writings as always, Mag. Tattoo was worded and rhymed brilliantly, expressing the concept beautifully. (I didn't dig Freestyle, sorry.) Day-Dream was also crafted with masterful hands, Herb was nice, Gone gave me a nostalgic catharsis of Nou Doubt's "Don't Speak"... wonderful, wonderful.