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Thread: Stigmata.

  1. #1
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Stigmata.



    3 Cases Of Stigmata...

    The Morning:


    I awoke like any other day, nothing was different...
    Exept a strange feeling that my troubles were all of a sudden distant...
    Instinct...told me that it was just the lord blessing me with his glory...
    Little did i know i was about to embark on his son's story.



    The first stigmata (Nails And Chains):

    The hindering chain's in which jesus wept under...prestigious like thunder...
    Religious state of pain im under...the pain wraps around my body in anguish...
    Nails driven deep in to perrilous, skin trapped like ham in sandwhich...
    I manage...to let out a war cry of terror, please lord stop this act of error...
    Im feeling your sons tourture and i cant begin to imagine how he coped...
    Because this penilising pain...
    Is like someone with sand paper shoving it down my throat...
    Why am i acting as your sacraficial goat...slope...im slipping...
    In and out of conciessness my body is tripping...
    As i fall back onto my lonely now crimson bed...
    I felt an angel watching over me, a presence in the corner as i bled...



    The second stigmata (Whips)


    Hung in a velvet leash...unleashed the brisk ropes across my feet...
    Beat...down by an invisible force...dovirced from all scenses...
    Apart from the pain distributed by the tail hairs of a stalion horse...
    Whips...ofcourse...the marks on my back to prove it...
    Crack...the sound is alike a cowboy getting his cattle to move it...
    Who's this...is this god telling me that im a prophet of his son...
    Or maybe he's trying to enlighten me to the facT that my time is done...
    Spun...out of of control as another whip tore at my soul...cold...
    All i can see is darkness like iv'e been sucked into a black hole...
    Enrolled...
    And rose...as i looked down i could scense the blood on my clothes.



    The thrird stigmata: (Crown Of Thorns)


    Oh Yeshua (jusus's hebrew name) i feel your blessing rain on in...
    I finally accept religion as you inflicted THIS pain on me...
    I came to see, that... i love you is my final dissision...intermission
    Violently penitrating my skull,cutting roung my head like circumsion...
    Religion...im sorry if i doubted...didn't beleive fully...seductive pully...
    Animosity has left my body...bloody...twelve hail mary's i scream...
    Ass i pass out in the middle of the crowded street...weary is my feet...
    Obsolete...is my experiences compared to yours...oh mighty...
    I understand my beleif's up to now is just luciphers angels deciding to fight me...
    'He without sin shall cast the first stone' on my high horse to heaven iv'e found my throne...
    Overthrown...evil casted aside...abide...by your laws this time.
    Last edited by Poeta Demonio; November 30th, 2005 at 12:33 PM
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Last edited by Poeta Demonio; November 30th, 2005 at 01:00 PM
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    I really liked that, i have to say......The way you done a personal jesus thing was quite good and the emotion was effective too, you have quite a good imaginaiton and creatively are quite good as well. Stay up

  4. #4
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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  5. #5
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    a personal jesus ?...look up stigmata in the dictionary lol.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  6. #6
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    upping for feed...it will be much appreciated what ever the comments.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  7. #7
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    upping for feed...it will be much appreciated what ever the comments.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  8. #8
    Ecanus
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    Quote Originally Posted by Verbal Insanity.


    3 Cases Of Stigmata...

    The Morning:


    I awoke like any other day, nothing was different...
    Exept a strange feeling that my troubles were all of a sudden distant...
    Instinct...told me that it was just the lord blessing me with his glory...
    Little did i know i was about to embark on his son's story.



    The first stigmata (Nails And Chains):

    The hindering chain's in which jesus wept under...prestigious like thunder...
    Religious state of pain im under...the pain wraps around my body in anguish...
    Nails driven deep in to perrilous, skin trapped like ham in sandwhich...
    No. Totally renders the rest of the effect that this piece had.
    I manage...to let out a war cry of terror, please lord stop this act of error...
    Im feeling your sons tourture and i cant begin to imagine how he coped...
    Because this penilising pain...
    Is like someone with sand paper shoving it down my throat...
    Nope again, doesnt fit well with the story. Using 'like' phrases in a piece like this doesnt go down too good, imo.
    Why am i acting as your sacraficial goat...slope...im slipping...
    In and out of conciessness my body is tripping...
    As i fall back onto my lonely now crimson bed...
    I felt an angel watching over me, a presence in the corner as i bled...

    Nice last line. Good imagery to an extent.

    The second stigmata (Whips)


    Hung in a velvet leash...unleashed the brisk ropes across my feet...
    Beat...down by an invisible force...dovirced from all scenses... Grammar
    Apart from the pain distributed by the tail hairs of a stalion horse...
    Whips...ofcourse...the marks on my back to prove it...
    Crack...the sound is alike a cowboy getting his cattle to move it... Ruins effect
    Who's this...is this god telling me that im a prophet of his son...
    Or maybe he's trying to enlighten me to the facT that my time is done...
    Spun...out of of control as another whip tore at my soul...cold...
    All i can see is darkness like iv'e been sucked into a black hole...
    Enrolled...
    And rose...as i looked down i could scense the blood on my clothes.

    Was ok. Work on your wording - that could have been better, and spelling.


    The thrird stigmata: (Crown Of Thorns)


    Oh Yeshua Get rid of the explanation here. i feel your blessing rain on in...
    I finally accept religion as you inflicted THIS pain on me...
    I came to see, that... i love you is my final dissision...intermission Grammar
    Violently penitrating my skull,cutting roung my head like circumsion... Bad concept.
    Religion...im sorry if i doubted...didn't beleive fully...seductive pully...Pully?
    Animosity has left my body...bloody...twelve hail mary's i scream...
    Ass i pass out in the middle of the crowded street...weary is my feet...
    Obsolete...is my experiences compared to yours...oh mighty...
    I understand my beleif's up to now is just luciphers angels deciding to fight me...
    'He without sin shall cast the first stone' on my high horse to heaven iv'e found my throne...
    Overthrown...evil casted aside...abide...by your laws this time.
    Bad rhyming in certain places throughout, but a great story to tell: if you knew what some of the words and sentences you are using meant. Vocab and relevance to each stanza was good, but you might want to work on your structure and rhyme placement because i noticed i think 3 parts where the rhyming was totally off and needed urgent help. Drop a vote/feedback on the topical in my sig. Follow the porn.

  9. #9
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ecanus
    Bad rhyming in certain places throughout, but a great story to tell: if you knew what some of the words and sentences you are using meant. Vocab and relevance to each stanza was good, but you might want to work on your structure and rhyme placement because i noticed i think 3 parts where the rhyming was totally off and needed urgent help. Drop a vote/feedback on the topical in my sig. Follow the porn.
    Thank you for your comments and i will take them into consideration my friend...but i actually do know about what i was writting...i love stigmata lol.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  10. #10
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    Bad rhyming in certain places throughout, but a great story to tell: if you knew what some of the words and sentences you are using meant. Vocab and relevance to each stanza was good, but you might want to work on your structure and rhyme placement because i noticed i think 3 parts where the rhyming was totally off and needed urgent help.

  11. #11
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    Bad rhyming in certain places throughout, but a great story to tell: if you knew what some of the words and sentences you are using meant. Vocab and relevance to each stanza was good, but you might want to work on your structure and rhyme placement because i noticed i think 3 parts where the rhyming was totally off and needed urgent help.

  12. #12
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    ^^^if you havn't got an origional thing to say...DON'T.

    OMG your a fag...battle me now you whore.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

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