Happy Christmas.

[nolonger]

Happy Christmas.



The Thorne’s House Christmas Morning 05.

Ashes dropped form the lanterns candle, floating onto a mantle of snow
The doors handle crisp and gleaming, beaming from the canvas below
The Garden aglow vegetation stands with little decoration due to the weather
He who is clever a robin stands,
with his chest pressed against the window without a flake on his feathers
Creatures huddle together, from the interior a superior sound is heard
Joy and laughter, after the alarm signals that Christmas can now occur
The cat purrs, as the fire place is excited and brightened with life
The family is united beneath the tree, a marquee of decoration and light
A wonderful sight, colorful and chronic a fiber optic hypnotic feeling
Children kneeling on a warn surface, purpose of presents stacked to the ceiling
A home so appealing, no pain, reframed from what ugly beholds
A problem is only a problem if it in itself remains unsolved
And as the day unfolds, the mold of happiness doesn’t uncover
The family dines in good health and wealth, but do they think about others?
.
.
.
.
.
The step of a Shop Christmas Morning 05.

The wind blows intense, no defense as the snow proceeds to fall
The shadows form a sense of suspense as the man awakes at his door
He rises from the floor, unsure of the day as his stiff body moves
A section of his arm bruised, in connection with last nights injection wounds
He begins to struggle, all his muscles can no longer trigger
He lingers towards a fag end, but apprehends as he can’t feel his fingers
His dog has withdrawn from his life and gone to his dismay
As like his owners mind when free the animal will go astray
Unaware of the day, he cocoons his body in his rug to make a seal
The only present he’ll receive is a cigarette or a hit if he begs or steals
His livings unreal, he rests his head on last nights sick
Awaiting to be awaken not by an alarm but a kick.

[nolonger]

..........

[warchild]

Real nice piece, the concept was original and very real.
Where im from youve got people sleeping outside of shops etc so i was really feeling the concept and content of the piece. It was cool how you had both set ups, a family all together having a nice normal christmas lol. Then youve got the perspective of a homeless guy you did a real good job with both perspectives but obviously the second had a bigger emotional impact.
The vocab was brilliant you didnt go over the top with it cause that sometimes makes a piece way too cryptic. Your vocab helped you come up with some great imagery, you described both scenes so well it really drawed me into the piece and you kept my attention all the way through. The emotion in the piece really stood out to me seems the concept was real close to you so that helped the piece out immensely so i gotta give you the props.
It was a just a raw real piece which i can identify and understand unlike a lot of the KIDS that will read this. Real nice piece.
Can you return the feed but my verse aint shit on this Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=250913

[nolonger]

thanks alot.

[P. Mortuus]

Showing the view of two peopl and two lifestyles was very good, i quite liked the innovative style, rhyming scheme i didn't get, but as long as it sounds good it's good and this sounded very emotional, so kudos to ya

[nolonger]

lol at kids.

[nolonger]

i mean it r.b

[EyeBite]

this was tght...topic was nice...i liked it and i enjoyed reading it
flolw was smooth and strcuutre was even.....
vocab was good too.....overall this was a tight drop
keep it up....linkz in soig check it out and see if i'm improvoing.thanks
peace..

[nolonger]

coolio.

[Eye`]

I like yo, wasnt that one of the pics from WOP this round? Anyways this was dope man, I enjoyed it. The openor was sick dude, so i got a glimpse of what was coming up next. Though you set a trend with your drops, and what spit u spit isnt predictable, and thats what i like about you. keep it up. 20/10.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=252587
Feedback plz.

[nolonger]

thanks.

[nolonger]

.....

[nolonger]

fuckers.

[Demon Pyrokronix]

This piece was dope, I loved the contrast in perspectives and have to write a similar piece for school actually. The vocab was real nice especially in the first section, the imagery was quality. I also liked how on some lines you put multies in, it really helped the flow, but I liked how you didn't go over the top with multies as it would have been harder to maintain the imagery. The second verse was written very well too, I loved the last 2 bars, tey were cold but true.

Unaware of the day, he cocoons his body in his rug to make a seal
The only present he’ll receive is a cigarette or a hit if he begs or steals
His livings unreal, he rests his head on last nights sick
Awaiting to be awaken not by an alarm but a kick.

It makes you think how christmas isn't just not enjoyed in Africa but also in places here. It's sad that Christmas is just another miserable day for some people, and you delved into the subject well. I'd have liked this to be longer really, with more content added but it was still very well written and made a nice change to 'I loved her' or 'Dying by the Gun'.

[LyricallyInclined]

hey yo this shit was nice man i liked the whole christmas around christmas concept and if you dont know what i mean i mean the whole droppin something about christmas or related to christmas around christmas time i did the same thing with my peice dear santa(a childs perspective) any way back to your peice the vocab was excellent........the structer on point at all times........imagry there was alot of that....and all in all i give this a 10/10 good job man keep it up