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Thread: My Courtcase... SS Finals...

  1. #1
    Po'Ethics
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    My Courtcase... SS Finals...

    My CourtCase


    Insanity's blistering reality, a seasonal parody,
    The wind's whistling song sings sweetly to me.
    Sea a see of infinite variety, legs across the ocean,
    Things need to just stop, yet, things are already in motion.
    Feigning devotion to God's son's imaginary 'God',
    Sod's law dictates an improvised artistic draw.
    Intention's accidents sprout daughters of son's,
    The sun's dawn is bright, yet the war is not yet ones.
    .

    Embracing clarity, sitting back, slumped in a tattered chair,
    Sewage seemingly seeps through the shattered layer.
    The needle clings to cavernous ridges of his fingerprint,
    A tight pore of drug abuse breathes relief, the end of a stint.
    Two millimeters of inches thick dust settles across my arm,
    Looking left looking right, nothing coming, no cause for alarm.
    The blurred reflective surface at his base smiles back,
    An abyss of infected needles, yet his pupil's retract.
    A scene plagued with gloomy fact, inseminated with doom,
    His life is at the other end of the thread through the loom.
    His sturdy thread unravels, the needles and blood fall,
    Draining through the blackhole's plughole's sign of withdrawal.
    The loud clapping of the audience for his unreal performance,
    The quiet tapping of the bomb squads technological importance.
    Shreds of timber fly through the room, echoing messages in the air,
    Awaking his latent spirits, "THEY'RE COMING." Truth or Dare?
    His person's natural flair, but what could prepare?
    Staring death's justice in the glasses he hid within his hair.
    Sprinting in through the remnants of the doorway,
    Their laser sights obstructed by the thick haze.
    His eyes open, his smile grows clear, his scream penetrates ear,
    .
    'Gun shots fired.. kccchhh.' He can sense their fear.
    .
    .
    .

    Absorbing the thick leather chair, his nerves found peace,
    Eyes quaking at the unseen disturbance in the room's ease.
    Hands lifting amidst tensed muscular reflexes, his fingers tight,
    Shivering in the warm room, clawing at the unnatural light.
    Frustrated families agitate the agitated atmosphere,
    For his calm, yet, confused presence provokes fear.
    A lone tear travels the cracked roads of her facad,
    Caught in roads, zig-zagging before they embrace release's drab.
    Her eyes penetrate him as they did once before, on that moonlit night,
    Raping Emily in the damp apres-rain streets, she amplified her fright.
    A cracked smile escaped, kissing the air, his yellowed teeth publicised,
    Standing and walking towards her, pure anger flowed. She wasn't surprised.
    My arm ripped open in exhibitionist glory, showering the jury with life,
    A second my right leg, splattering the Judge, portraying that fateful night.
    Seventeen shots pouring across the woodtiled floorboards,
    The dust lifting up in their wake in celebratory hoards.
    Seventeen seconds for their seventeen souls, seventeen seconds,
    His mental, physical, socio-economic lifelong investments.
    Lost to the frost of God's children's reduced cost,
    Staring at their families, a tear fell at a loss.
    .
    .
    .

    A final second of ecstacy, alarm clocks beeping,
    Sanity's incarnate incapacity is seeping.
    Heart beats skip and leep, Running through space,
    They can't see him, without existence he moves without trace.
    Yet I'm in bed, looking up at the cracked bald ceiling,
    The sterile white paint's peeling, my mind's eye is reeling.
    Looking at my phone's incoherent vibrations,
    Rubbing my temples, escaping drug's impregnations.
    Taking a moment to understand myself, to comprehend my face,
    I look at the screen, 'Appointment:- Your Courtcase'.
    Seventeen families awaiting him, but he hasn't done anything,
    An innocent man, but they don't say the same thing.
    'Split-Personality' etched into his chest, sitting up but he can't,
    Three bullet wounds in his chest and armed guard in place of a plant.
    The nurse eyes him with an unadulterated purest of disdain,
    A cry of blood dilluted life explodes, the human race's pain.
    .
    .
    .
    Again, and again, and maybe once more,
    Yet that isn't enough, I still implore.
    .
    .
    .
    "You are being tried for the rape of Seventeen young women, Sir."
    .
    .
    .
    -Deviate



    It's my birthday today, so I figured I might aswell drop now... Won't have time later.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  2. #2
    Po'Ethics
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    Last edited by Deviate; November 5th, 2005 at 12:14 PM
    Po'Ethics Lives

  3. #3
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    sounds like testify by common

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    looks good to me.. apparently your not supposed to have any lines that dont ryme with the next though.. i dont believe that myself.. but its apparently in tutorials which i'm yet to read

    i like the format and structure alot
    sum interesting off the hook multies littered throughout this piece kept it an easy entertaining reading....nice vocab in use

    phew is this how deep the ss league can get?
    i was looking in, seeing this i gotta scour the dictionary again
    smooth drop yo

    up
    .................................................. ......................

  5. #5
     
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    wow. genius.

    vocab on this is at the best you can get. the multi's in this were also complete insanity. structure and flow... very nice. wordplay was at the top, storyline was nice. nice long interesting piece, very dope. overall i would give it a 9.25/10.. o yeah good luck wit the s.s finals

  6. #6
    Po'Ethics
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    Thanks very much, and what lines don't rhyme?

    Leave links... I'll reply to them.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  7. #7
     
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    dont ask me. they did all rhyme. he's illiterate. i drop a link ina sec.

  8. #8

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tuCkzz
    dont ask me. they did all rhyme. he's illiterate. i drop a link ina sec.
    Quote Originally Posted by Deviate
    Thanks very much, and what lines don't rhyme?

    Leave links... I'll reply to them.

    .yeah right i'm illiterate...

    i guess all these lines rhyme then?-

    Things need to just stop, yet, things are already in motion.
    Feigning devotion to God's son's imaginary 'God',
    Sod's law dictates an improvised artistic draw.
    Intention's accidents sprout daughters of son's,


    A lone tear travels the cracked roads of her facad,
    Caught in roads, zig-zagging before they embrace release's drab.


    whats a facad
    closest match is facade

    either way it doesnnt rhyme in the usual sense


    well sorry for interupting i guess i should stop giving feedback all i get is foloow up hatred and abuse, not from the writer in this case, but often so..even my om's offend a lot of people

    oh well
    .................................................. ......................

  10. #10
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    i was feelin the topic...it was creative and interesting.....i liked how you layed each verse out....i liked the strucutre cuz it was so perfect and the flow was smooth through ou the whole drop.....rhymes were good multies were good....this drop was just dope....compolexity was here and vocab was very good..overall this was like a 9.9/10...keep it up...peace

  11. #11
    Po'Ethics
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vortex
    i guess all these lines rhyme then?-

    Things need to just stop, yet, things are already in motion.
    Feigning devotion to God's son's imaginary 'God',
    Sod's law dictates an improvised artistic draw.

    Intention's accidents sprout daughters of son's,
    I've got no problems with your comments, was just asking. But if you're going to pick out problematic lines, please just pick out the lines, in this case the ones I've put in bold.

    Thanks for the feed.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  12. #12
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=246756
    ^ heres my link..check it out...thanks

  13. #13
    Po'Ethics
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    Up.
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  14. #14
    real complex and original

    keep it up
    WHUT IS THIS

  15. #15
    Po'Ethics
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    Thanks for the Nom. Didn't notice it...
    Po'Ethics Lives

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