User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Pale December

  1. #1
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6

    Pale December

    As by my crackling fire I sit, and taste the spark, exhale the flame,
    The tapestry of fond times departed,an unravelled past which has never changed,
    And on the hearth ash comes to rest, its overcoat a fervent soot,
    Which creeps along the marble niche and falls asleep at the fire's foot,
    Winter tumbles, falling snow that from the heaven's bough is wept,
    A drapery of imperial beauty, aroused from where the Angels slept,
    Pale December, silent dark and a chilling rush of Northern air,
    That swept the first flake off his feet and sprayed a flurry everywhere,
    The hands of time dragged their fingers clung to the Autumn of yesteryear,
    For now is the futurity, believe that a moment spent is a lifetime spared.
    Stare into the flame again, respire his dazzled grace and pray,
    For the scarcity of Pale December as the wearsome wood withers and decays.
    Def Poets

  2. #2
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6
    can i get a reply?
    Def Poets

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Klingberg
    Age
    32
    Posts
    961
    Battle Record
    9-11
    I like this it was a good pieace something different had a good topic good name you had some decent line's in here and you thought creative .......................................overall 8/10 keep it up

    and i just started writing poems so can you leave feedback on my poem confusing love

  4. #4
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    New Jerusalem
    Posts
    9,745
    Battle Record
    8-6
    Nicely written, what stands out immediately is the great word choice, i mean you paint the picture beautifully and the whole piece thrives off of that sublime imagery. I mean this was simply very good, i enjoyed every line and it was full of great visuals however i had one gripe about it, the contrast between dark and light. The title is Pale December and none of the words really allude to anything pale except when you say dark. However in the beggining of the poem you talk about a dancing fire, and then mention the flames again in the end and it confuses whether or not this scene is light or dark...other then that i thought this piece was great, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  5. #5
    HaZy
    Guest
    awwww a name i remeber from far far away.....or should i say ago
    nice to see that you still are writing...
    the beauty in this peice was nature itself seeing that im looking out my window and i see leaves falling and breath from the mouths of my neighbors...the tempature is falling on the thermometer and my pumpkins are wilting.......december is on its way..
    it was a piece written in beauty and of beauty...simple and elegant like a dance of leaves falling from the trees....

    i loved it lady.z please keep us blessed with more...

  6. #6
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6
    Prince, thanks for the reply. When I wrote this poem I didnt have in mind the contrast between light and dark, the title, 'Pale December' was more of a euphanism - if you can even call it that - for the weather of a classic fairytale December, the snow and all the serene white atmosphere..your comments made me double take, and I liked that, I enjot finding hidden meaning in my own work.
    Hazy long time no speak, how are you girl? Yeah a familiar name indeed, you caught up with me at a good time, I just started to write again after a long absence...getting myself back on track, thanks for your reply it means alot to me.

    You'll all have to excuse spelling and grammer mistakes, as is usual and custom, I'm drunk...I can use 'good english', honest...lol i'm just a compulsive binge drinking alcoholic.
    Def Poets

  7. #7
    !.VeRbZ.!
    Guest
    nice peice.imagery was good i cud see it in my head.creativity was good to i liked this line
    Winter tumbles, falling snow that from the heaven's bough is wept,
    A drapery of imperial beauty, aroused from where the Angels slept,

    word line was deep..................complexity was also good....

  8. #8
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6
    thanks dawgs
    Def Poets

  9. #9
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    3,107
    Battle Record
    8-8
    Damn I really liked this poem alot. The description & imagery were like whao. I thought they were done superbly & were fine as is. The emotion tied into your words very nicely & it was quite hidden with the imagery and description. I really enjoyed the read alot.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Smooth JT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    boonies
    Age
    38
    Posts
    246
    Battle Record
    0-1
    You know everything you seem to write touchs me in some way or another. you always have written some great poems and see that your still doing so. Much Spect

    Back from the dead Smooth JT
    "Leave your feedback on the page because only the peanut gallery is welcome here"

    "You laugh at me bacause i'm different but I laugh at you because your all the same"

  11. #11
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6
    JT dawg! add me on msn alco_hollyz@hotmail.com
    Def Poets

Similar Threads

  1. Pale horse in Egypt...
    By A.T. in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: February 11th, 2011, 03:22 PM
  2. Behold A Pale Horse
    By Daz in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: August 3rd, 2004, 02:26 PM
  3. Mc-8 vs Pale Horse
    By Mc-8 in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: September 25th, 2003, 06:35 PM
  4. pale brotha VS G-fLoW
    By pale brotha in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: June 8th, 2002, 01:12 PM
  5. pale brotha ~vs~ BlizzaXl
    By Trip6 in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: June 3rd, 2002, 01:48 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •