Mental War- My Spirit Soars.

[Illus']

...........

[Illus']

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...05#post3302005
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post3302027

[Record]

wow. nice use of words. i enjoyed

I soar over lords from battle brutality with brewed force. Physical falls.
Hence I'm battling a spiritual source. I’m a corpse not q'd to the walls,
of my skull, fighting for it's soul. I take hold of my flesh, my breathe
I almost lose from the smooth demon crewed in cleverness of death-
......
Mind ciphers, while both my eyes are open yet shut. Thoughts can't cut.
Wont stop my nerves bust. Devil mocks then pukes darts hitting my gut.

wow, my fav lines of it. the emotion was great, felt like i was in ur place. good read man, keep writing. check out mine.

[XM]

This shit was fuck'n dope.................damn i sound like a noob lmao
but the emotion was crazy and word choice was on point im still tryna get
emotion in my writing down pact but ya kno i'll just keep work'n on it
*Hint* you could help me *Hint* *cough* lmao

Mind ciphers, while both my eyes are open yet shut. Thoughts can't cut.
Wont stop my nerves bust. Devil mocks then pukes darts hitting my gut.
Thoughts unveiled lust, like sluts anxious for virgin blood , anorexics glut
for food that rekindles these pictures of doom. Words can't express , but
I'll try my best, how vexed I get when I fall short, I'm a good sport, though
these thoughts are beating me senseless, I'm loosing my senses. Tension

^^ my favorite lines lmao

good job homie

[Man of Steel Man]

man...bravo my nig...that was ill of the chain crazy...the imagery was nasty and the emotion was sickning....like make a nigga throw up disgusting famly...man it was like i was there with you feelin your pain and suffering like we were on the block and you were relating your story to me and i was just sittin there listening and was like...yeah i figgadeal all that you sayin fam. my favorite lines were...

Blasphemy thoughts, images that put me off course. Brain left scorch,
imps force my skull to lash with metaphor. Slaven me in mental wars.
I soar over lords from battle brutality with brewed force. Physical falls.
Hence I'm battling a spiritual source. I’m a corpse not q'd to the walls,
of my skull, fighting for it's soul. I take hold of my flesh, my breathe
I almost lose from the smooth demon crewed in cleverness of death-

that imps joint was off the hook and chain my dude...keep hope fam

[Illus']

Seriously appreciate the feed..
I will leave feed on yours record as well.

Thanks..

[Atti]

This Was A Strong Piece,
But Some Parts Seemed Off To Me
... Either Because Of Typing Error Or The Meaning Doesnt Seem Right.

Blasphemy(Blasphemist) thoughts, images that put me off course. Brain left scorch (Scortched,)'

Kinda Bothered Me,
Because It Seemed You Did That On Purpose
... In Hope No One Would Pick It Up, Because That Made If Flow Better.

'I’m a corpse not q'd to the walls,
of my skull, fighting for it's soul. I take hold of my flesh, my breathe
I almost lose from the smooth demon crewed in cleverness of death-'

That Shit Didnt Even Make Sense To Me.
Maybe Im Just Slow Today But, Ya That Just Didnt Click.
You Say 'Almost Lose From' But Then Never Really Fallow Up.
I Mean, Technically You Did... But It Just Didnt Work In My Mind.

And Structure;
The Way The Actual Verses Were Settup I Liked, Worked Nice.
But I Kind Of Got Irritated By The Amount Of Paused I Had To Take,
With All The Periods And Comas You Had In Middles Of Line.
It Kind Of Killed The Sequence For Me To Be Continuelly Interupted.

But Thats It For Complaints Man.

Flow, All Content Issue With Me Aside...
The Flow On This Was Pretty Amazing.
Except For The Commas, Everything Flowed Flawlessly.

I Really Enjoyed Your Writing Style...
Rather Than Rap You Were Much More So Poetic In Your Speach.
Weaving In Alot Of Intriquite Metaphors That Last Two Lines At A Time,
Which Isnt Tippically Seen In An O.M.

My Favorite Line Would Have To Have Been:

'... Devil mocks then pukes darts hitting my gut.
Thoughts unveiled lust, like sluts anxious for virgin blood , anorexics glut...'

Mainly For The 'Devil Pukes Darts'
... That Imagery Really Just Struck Me.
I Looooved That Line So Much When I Hit It.

I Really Like How You Kind Of Reversed The Standard Aswell.
Most O.M. A Writer Gets Sloppy Near The End,
You On The Other Hand I Think Picked Up At The End.
... Really Just Throwing The Most Jaw Dropping Content To Close It Up.

Very Nice Piece Man, Clearly A Tallented Writer
... Stay Up.

[Illus']

Damn thanks for the critique...
The part that you didn't understand well to make
a long story short, I get thoughts when I write
that come at me random, in on deep thoughts that
sometimes I only understand. Words just come at
me and I just write without having second thoughts.

It does make since I will break down one part that
you didn't get...

"'I’m a corpse not q'd to the walls,
of my skull, fighting for it's soul. I take hold of my flesh, my breathe
I almost lose from the smooth demon crewed in cleverness of death-'"

First line just meant that Im dead meaning my physical
is dead and I'm not focused on the true battle behind these walls
walls meaning the walls of my skull..Like what's truly inside the
true war, which is spiritual not physical...

"I take hold of my flesh" < I take control of it knowing
that it isn't a war of the physical however spiritual.

"my breathe
I almost lose from the smooth demon crewed in cleverness of death-'"

and while realizing ish trying to fight , I almost lose to the
devil who is smooth , which he is a demon crewed and clever.

and sin equals death as well as Satan.


Hope I explained it well for you to understand but believe
me all my ish makes sense.


and thanks a lot for the critique and feed a well
good breakdown...peace.

[Atti]

*Shrugs*

Lol, Still Doesnt Really Make Sense To Me
... But Its Straight, Thats Only Like Two Lines Out Of An Overall Dope Drop.

Stay Up Man
... .One.

[Illus']

^ Lol I tried thanks though,
seriously appreciated the breakdown.

peace...

[warchild]

Good piece i really was feeling the concept nice to see theirs another person with a similar mindstate. The concept was dope and you really did the concept justice unlike a lot of people on Om. Your imagery was the strongest thing in the verse it was very dark extremely descriptive so ive gotta give you props for this piece. You broke the concept down into different parts so the piece didnt get repetitive which always makes a piece better.
There were a few multies in the piece not as much as i normally like to see but your one of those writers that can get away with a lack of multies because your vocab and imagery is strong enough to make your pieces stand out. I couldnt criticise this piece at all and thats rare for me.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241117

[Illus']

Thanks for the feed...

[master theisis]

i can tell u been writin for a long time

the wordplay was really mature as well as the structure and set up of what was going on

all the lines seemed to blend together wich i thought was pretty tight

nice drop

[Illus']

Thanks, yeah been writing since '98.
guess that's a long time.

[Illus']

BS the sleep this was one real good piece
I dropped.


Give me feed 55 views not even a lot to read.

I'll leave feed for you selfish mofo's