Unbeaten Path

[Opie M.]

I'll probably end up recording this as spoken word. Just wanted to get opinions on the poem itself first. Drop links and I promise to leave feedback.

Unbeaten Path
In this place I call home, the beat rests
within the confines of the abode
The tempo varies with lien but carries steady
Even in heavy cold or in roam
The rhythm marches on after the band seizes melody
Never selling a dream, with one purpose to hold its own
And on its own, or orchestra accompanied
It continues on... My life's metronome

Even if the walls crumble...
Even if my walk stumbles...
Even if my talk mumbles...
The drum remains stone

Although not everlasting, when I lose myself
Without ever asking, I Will follow the beat back home.

[Prince Escobar]

This is really dope Opemeister, the rhyme scheme was artiistically sound and really fit the poem well, the meaning of this is good and its peppered with just enough visuals and a tinge of emotion that really makes it stand out, it's short but surprisingly sweet, you did a good job of maintaining a strong message within the confines of few words, which is another thing that made this really good in my eyes, the difficulty rating, overall this was a really enjoyable read, nicely done definitely, 1luv.

[Opie M.]

thanks for the feedback man. much appreciated. damn this forum is way inactive.

[Prince Escobar]

^Yeah no kidding, thats why the metal faced terrorist is here to save the day, but again nice job on this one, elevation is key, 1luv.

[sudz.]

That would sound hot if you recorded it. The length didn't make my read any less enjoyable. The read was straight, because you expressed it with so few words, which can be very hard to do. Props.

[Kaotic Theory]

whoah nice shit opey can't say i ever read anything from you that concerns topical or poetry...shame on me but its true,anyways this was nice man really i liked the tone that was set, the emotion was decent id say there could of been more,the vocabulary was niceluy done though,with a vivid imagery, opey i must say you impressed me with this all though i wish it could have been longer but for a short piece it was a nice read through out....nice concept aswell...peace

[Opie M.]

thanks a lot. i'm not sure that i wanted a very emotional poem tho. it was meant as more of a mantra. that's really why i want to record it cus it's something i need to remind myself. I'm glad you guys like it tho. I might use it for an interlude on my album.

btw... ive only dropped one poem on rb besides this. it was a while ago. i did it as my 2000th post lol

[Kris Cain]

wow... that is nice...

i like the overall feel of the poem when i read it

"The rhythm marches on after the band seizes melody
Never selling a dream, with one purpose to hold its own"

[Opie M.]

i wrote one for you too. im saving it to read to u by your bed side

[MISTA GRIM]

this was tight. ya strucyure and ya werds were cool. nice feel to it as well. nice topic and overal piece.
10-10
keep it up

[Opie M.]

^thanks a lot for the feedback. much appreciated.

... wow 72 views and only 5 replies. people are lazy lol

[Ether Spitter]

well.....its nice....i wouldnt say its anything amazing....this piece kinda sounds like onna those spoken words you do in the basement of a jazz cafe if thats what your goin for....

Even in heavy cold or in roam..
....i really dnt get where your tryin to go with roam...if it symbolizes the 'country' or if its 'moving'...but tha wording there isnt shakin...and as it transitions into ya next stanza it doesnt seem to tie together...overall this was aiight

[Seedy]

Im feeling this but the thing that i dont get is why people sleep on this...This had loads of poetential and i felt like there was foot steps on a empty beach with sand...Man good drop!

[Opie M.]

well.....its nice....i wouldnt say its anything amazing....this piece kinda sounds like onna those spoken words you do in the basement of a jazz cafe if thats what your goin for....

Even in heavy cold or in roam..
....i really dnt get where your tryin to go with roam...if it symbolizes the 'country' or if its 'moving'...but tha wording there isnt shakin...and as it transitions into ya next stanza it doesnt seem to tie together...overall this was aiight

That line is a context clue to what the beat actually symbolizes, just like the rest of the first part of the poem. I guess you'd have to understand what the beat represents to get what the message is.

Anyway, thanks for all the feedback. I'm glad everyone is feeling it.

1

[B.I.Detained.]

I'm glad you do Spoken Word Opey because you have the knack for it.
A lot of people I know do it and some of it is perfect but some tries
to be too clever for its own good. This was steady and you carried
the same nice sound throughout.

My life's metronome

^^ That fit well, and its a nice comparison.
It goes well with description "steady" too.
All in all it was cool but I do prefer SP in audio rather than
on paper. But I guess thats how its gotta start.
Props, dude.

Hit the link please, topical.
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236364