DA Gunzz

[Token Muslim]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232832
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=3158321
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232813

i cock gun's like they eyes up on crosseyed people
anti-cross like satin cuz i'm often evil
niggaz soft like teva cloth and they call em lethal
aint nobody you can call my equal
cuz i'm asembling america like baldhead eagles
my eagle gotta 6th sense, it see all dead people
it's kinda sad cuz my chic can beat you
the material niggaz spit be fecial
all my rhymes be XXX, ....call me Vin Deasil
niggaz leave you cold like igloo's
keep my rhymes safe, cuz niggaz will bite like fleas do
so when i drop you only get a preview
cuz i'm as hot as the earths core and my lines intrigue you
so go head and call da police dude
i fuck around and smack one like...
.................who you say freeze to?
bullet's be in your head like pea's do
i see what you thinking cuz yall niggaz is see through
niggaz really stink, i'm like pee-yeww
if you on top get knocked off like freaks do
leave niggaz like lil kid's bed's, they stay pissed
it's a stick up, put ya hands up, don't listen to J-kiss
leave bitchs like poleroid shots, they stay frameless
pay attention to my rhymes :yes: niggaz is brainless
more melitious wit gun's, so squads catch da same clip
you dead, ya chic mad like i smashed and i came quick
remain namless, niggaz lyric's is anus, stop sayin my name bitch
gave rap my cold, so i can start getting the game sick
don't need our future asking where the game went
keep a gas powered torch for keeping the flame lit
infered on anybody reather black, white, hispanic or asian
red dot's on him, make him look like a strawberry dalmatian

[Token Muslim]

upping for feedback

[Token Muslim]

upping for feedback

[chadillac]

let's battle

[Token Muslim]

upping 4 feedback

[The Vortex]

i diddnt realy feel the rhyming of up to 10 lines on one word.. and would say this piece needed rhyme variation... u got a few nice multies up in here,,, uhm vocab needs expanding a lil... had sum good lines and amn inconsistant flow.. and sum wacky lines that jus ain doing it..

showed sum good character here and there tho so keep at it

[warchild]

This was decent but nothing in the piece grabbed my attention.
Your flow was decent in some lines but you were too inconsistent with it so it annoyed me i only like pieces that have flow and multies.
I dont mind if the flow is basic as long as theres good imagery and a story to the piece this didnt really have that either.
You was boasting in the piece but the rhymes didnt back it up.
Work on your vocab so you can write better imagery, think of some song concepts, keep that flow more consistent. And mix in some metaphors/punchlines to your pieces. Keep writing keep posting.

Return the feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232302

[Token Muslim]

^^^^^^thx 4 da feed yall..............upping 4 more

[Token Muslim]

blahhh.............upping 4 the feed

[Token Muslim]

upp upp and awayyyyyy 4 feed

[crookedhood]

that wasnt 2 bad famm not enough word play keep spittin

[crookedhood]

let's battle

when ever you call it famm :box: :box:

[Token Muslim]

upping 4 feed

[.Silence.]

I thought this piece was pretty good from you.The storyline was ok in this piece.Just try to work on some Imagry that is really the only problem.You had a really good structure.And I liked the metaphors too thats a plus.But the wordplay and your vocabulary was on point which was good too.Just try to put more Imagry and emotion into the verse and you'll be straight homie but overall this was a great piece from you keep up the good work homie

[Token Muslim]

uppin 4 feed