Meaningless Promises

[Johnny 6-feet]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=226707

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228607



Meaningless Promises

New York, 1929

A lonely man stands in the centre of a smoking pentagram
A desperate effort to fix his broken life through events and plans
He falls, exhausted, to his knees, bleeds the sacrifice
A carcass, packed in ice, gone to the afterlife
Plunged into darkness, floorboards tremble, smoke fills the air
Red pinpricks of pupils appear, they could kill with stares
His will is impaired, he receives unholy messages
As this dark apparition snarls, and then addresses him

“You’ve summoned me for this purpose, to trade your soul
I’ll make it so, but rest assured that you’ll pay the toll
State 3 wishes… I promise you paradise on earth”

The man swallowed his fear, this had priceless worth

“I want fortune, fame and the woman of my dreams”

“Thy will be done…” The Devil summons a new scene.

In an instant the man sits on a burnished throne
A chalice in his hand, on his head a circle of chrome
Jewels adorned this phantasmal palace, he’s lost for words
Because by his side, beautiful, like an exotic bird
His new wife with emerald eyes and honey coloured skin
Panther black hair, a Spanish whisper which tells she’s loving him
To an open window he walks, arm in arm with his mistress
What is this? The cheers from crowds gathered to witness

His grief is now a subtraction, he feels satisfaction
A life of lounging awaits him; he’ll never come back from
So he believed, but the morale unfolds like serpent’s coils
A demon is never loyal and so this fortune was spoiled

They called it ‘Black Tuesday’ the day the stock market crashed
Currency fell like a stone, value next to nothing so fast
Poverty replaced prosperity, worship turned to heresy
And love became transparent; see how it tears and bleeds
How quickly the Spanish Goddess became a backstabber
Left the house in mad laughter, and what’s the plan after?
The man’s meagre remaining fortune continued to dwindle
And his fame brought resentment from those who felt swindled
A starving mob stormed the palace, blinded by fury
Tore the tapestries, looted in malice, a sign to him, surely?
From rags to riches in one easy step, and now he thinks on this:
A deal with a devil that made a meaningless promise

[Morpheus]

All of these stanza's were dope. Especially the introductory one, the imagery you supplied was very helpful.

He falls, exhausted, to his knees, bleeds the sacrifice
A carcass, packed in ice, gone to the afterlife

^That was an emotional bar, just enough detail to set this story off on a good note.
everything flowed well too, structure was on point, just basicly a real nice read. Keep it up johnny, and the best of luck to you

Pz

[Johnny 6-feet]

^^Kicks thread up^^

Blah @ you sleepers.

[:Explicit~Lyric:]

Damn this shit wuz hott
how long it take u 2 write this i liked it man

You do topicals cuz if so want to join my crew?

[Acrylix]

this was a very nice piece, alot of imagery, and it makes you think about what we need not want in life. In my opinion, this also brings up the fact that we shouldn't give in to our temptations for thats what satan wants and this piece of your brings that out.

[Cody Nash]

I really enjoyed reading this peice...was decent and made a lot of sense...The structure was kind of odd...wut up with the spaces? Time changes or something? Anyways...Flow was ok..Vocab usage was kind of odd...You forced a little bit...Like the pentegram and plans verse...Other than these few things The peice caught my attention...It was nice...I will see you around 6 feet....PEACE...

(make sure you see musical diss...)
>>>For you http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229174

[Deadly Cypress]

its johnny so as i expected it was ill..
seems liek u put alot of time into this..
vocab was excellent ..subject was good as the way you expressed it was amazing..
good emotion and creativity..
Ur structure and flow were solid..
This piece sucke dme in it was like i couldnt stop reading it after i started
N thats the way it should be good job dude ,,

[Johnny 6-feet]

thanks for the positive feedback guys, uppin this^^

[Illogical]

wow this was real awesome. first of all, u had a real good job on the rhyme scheme. lots of rhyming vocab and words that really put this piece together. this was a well chosen topic and it had real potential to all of it. nice depth in here. its more of a story-like rhyme, but still really good. i could imagine it real good. nice job. great flow yo! great the whole way through. in my opinion, i liked ur rhyming skills the most because u used some multis i think which really added to flow. great job anyways! keep it up

[prolific]

awesome very creative and i like your rhyme scheme
great vocab and good flow really enjoyed reading keep writing

[warchild]

Fucking hell this was real impressive john makes me feel like my deeper shit needs improving and you know how arrogant i am when it comes to my flows.
You always come up with crazy original concepts so i always give mad props to your pieces cause i think you always drop dope shit the concept of this piece must of been hard to make dope but you did a great job.
The flow was nice but in this piece just the story telling vocab and imagery stood out the most to me, just every line was carrying the story along you never switched and strayed off topic which happens a lot in these type of pieces. Kind of a message behind it too which is always cool.
Dope drop like i said, i think we need to do a collabo, holla with a concept.

[Mista Loc]

damn this was sick, good job cuzzzoo.

you told a dope story with a lil' class. kept it fresh and the flow was sick.
it was some real lyrical shit


keep @ it and return the favor

[Sammy B]

Dope ass shit, imagery was excellent and how you can tell a story so vivid while still keeping a tight flow is amazing. Have to say liked the story and the message it told, good subject matter and just the right amount of complexity that makes it comprehensive yet poetic and artistic. Well I have said all I can really say no criticism just keep dropping the hot shit.

and could you rtf for my friends piece it's getting slept on
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230304