Vivid Times (Enhanced) Part1

[Trema]

The World
slowly the world crumbles pollution,are finger causes so much destruction
-like tony and bush spoken words so many people die at their instruction
no hesitation its like trying cut a diamond for a woman to make a life
-but as precious is a human being,we say in half of r rhymes......
......we wana take anothers life
demonic thoughts or encrypted signals and vision of death
-a puzzle maybe a message of how much time we got left
like a transparent gas with no effects death is soon in are midst
-its a tragedy how people realise after you die that you had a gift

The Poverty
It strikes us like a disease and in some cases the only cure is death
-the wrong decision could be a critical collision, so u got to watch yo step
money is power phsically its gives a community the ablity to beat poverty
-money can make cowards coz mentally it brings a man to insanity
Covering are steps the struggle as a reputation fails your sucsess
-black chinese whit asian we face to feel the same wicked taste
poverty is what builds a childs life, some what a guide book in time
with every step we take in the future, there will be a yellow line


To be continued...

www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228569
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228594

[mz.blaze]

I was feelin this, deep piece.
demonic thoughts or encrypted signals and vision of death
-a puzzle maybe a message of how much time we got left
like a transparent gas with no effects death is soon in are midst
-its a tragedy how people realise after you die that you had a gift

^^ so damn true-nice drop, cant wait till you finish it.

[Trema]

^^^Thanks gurl, just trying keep it real,telling the truth and shit, thanks.

[Johnny 6-feet]

Hmm... i'm warning you now Trema, this may get closed because theres a rule in this forum that states every piece dropped must be at least 16 lines.

I'm interested in seeing how this piece will develop. It seems to be a fairly creative take on a tried and tested subject, which is difficult to pull off. Some stronger vocab and a more complex rhyme scheme would help this piece out but you really got my attention with this line:

-its a tragedy how people realise after you die that you had a gift

^^wise words, i like a bit of philosophy in an Open Mic. I'll be checking for the sequel.

Keep on posting.

[Trema]

^^^Thanks johnny, i added in more lines, thanks for the feed

[Trema]

17 views and wat reply's :drink: , common feed pleaz, thanks. uppin

[the_madhatter]

Allow me to bring that common feed, lol. But yeah, I think this was very poetic, In my eyes, I think some of the lines were too stretched or I dont know if that was your intention or whatever. But within all that, lied some good opinions. I like this due to the fact, I can agree with most of what the piece said,

I.E. "slowly the world crumbles pollution,are finger causes so much destruction
like tony and bush spoken words so many people die at their instruction"

But yeah, definitely gotta see more stuff from you, and I'll keep looking out and hope you do the same with my pieces. Until then, 1.

[Trema]

uppin............................................. .................................................. ....