Looking Over Your Shoulder (SS verse)

[Johnny 6-feet]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219757

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219590



Looking over your shoulder


His paranoia was that his enemy’s hatred would last
So his mind stayed in the past, in case they should attack
His neck was strained and eyes sore from staring behind him
One day they’d find him, in a form so disguising
He’d been ruthless since a young age, the undisputed school bully
Stealing money and breaking milk teeth, an asshole, tool fully
Making threats and causing tears throughout his young life
He stayed oblivious in this time,‘Revenge will never come, right?’
He grew up how he started out, just became a bigger asshole
Cheating on girlfriends, he was a lawyer who passed goals
And could look into an expert’s eyes and lie
Make the guilty sound innocent with constructed alibi’s
And although his success made him rich and spoiled
He still felt the icy fear, it made him sick and soiled
In his dreams has saw visions of his retribution
His blood spilled as a sacrifice for his vain illusions
The nameless people he had damaged letting criminals walk
And the children he bullied, in his head, subliminal talk
Redemption turned to a speck on the distant horizon
Polluted at his core, although self respect was rising
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It was a cold night, around 10, as he made his way home
A short walk to his car, this the scene for the stage show
As his hand touched the handle, he heard a hammer cock back
And a voice which said “Turn around, are those your keys? Drop that.”
The gun brushed against his ribs, the man was galvanised
Made a grab for the weapon and was pulverised
The silence shattered by the smell of sudden gun smoke
The Lawyer sank into his lifeblood, with gasps, some choked
As he looked up at his killer, he got the surprise
It was just another man, he did not recognise
His final thoughts as his last train stops on the track?
“Instead of looking over my shoulder, I should’ve watched my back”

[sILLable]

very dope...i liked tha imagery...creativity and wordplay wsa very tight...i liked the complexity you incorporated in you rhyme scheme...i liked tha vocab and your emotion...very vivid imagery...nice piece...keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

[Johnny 6-feet]

**kicks thread up**

[SunSpit]

I agree wit everything Treazon said. Very good imagery, real creative, nice vocabulary, its nice and complex, and good emotion. Keep droppin and writin. 1

[Mystik Mind]

And although his success made him rich and spoiled
He still felt the icy fear, it made him sick and soiled
In his dreams has saw visions of his retribution
His blood spilled as a sacrifice for his vain illusions

Those lines really stood out from the rest for me.

Good imagery here and everything was worded nicely. Loved the last line, really brought the piece together nicely. Wasnt too long, wasnt too short. Good written piece. Keep up the good writing.

[Issue]

And although his success made him rich and spoiled
He still felt the icy fear, it made him sick and soiled
In his dreams has saw visions of his retribution
His blood spilled as a sacrifice for his vain illusions
The nameless people he had damaged letting criminals walk
And the children he bullied, in his head, subliminal talk
Redemption turned to a speck on the distant horizon
Polluted at his core, although self respect was rising

Excellent, I never understod that part when i first read it or really realised it, but I know see its greatness lol, a very nice piece is this. You're ending killed it, I really liked that last line, and you had a lot of great ideas and a depth with voice you implememnted well in this, great work my friend, Def Poets - On fire.

Uppppp 4 66666-Feeet

[Johnny 6-feet]

Def Poets burning villages!

^^Uppin this fucker^^