running

[djb]

Im breathing shallow breathes echoing pounded footsteps
im meant to stand like a man, but motion is fluent so I progress
I ingest the crude rudimentary insults that waver harm
savor the flavor of saliva and dry eyes as I am now gone
perched against a 7-11 trash can on the corner of kenneth
I collect myself recollecting the escape of a deadly menace
the dim ally streetlight is all that guides this dreary night
recapturing my lost breath I reach for a cigarette to light
I fight the pack out of my pocket trying to remain silent
frightened by this, anxiety is overwhelming, I cant hide it
my trembling hands ignite a smoke filled reassurance
certain my escape was successful I rule out another emergence
I merge with frantic feet entering the intersection to leave here
seep up the aroma of vagrants awake as the city sleeps near
my mind keeps clear as I defeat fear with every step taken
confidence blooms as plumes of smoke foreshadow the forsaken
the essence of effervescence is heard mumbled in the distance
what is this? It’s existence remains with growing persistence
I brush it off as kids as I continue in my path towards it
now it’s just around the corner, and its as loud as war gets
moments last as if in slow motion, my heart races again
fear sets in, but all’s erased when I see gorgeous girls domain
just some ladies having fun is all I had to say to myself
no harm was felt, but what was dealt would hurt my health
their soft laughter transformed to thunderous manly roars
4 more silhouettes set against pavement emerged towards
home’s 2 blocks away, just look down and I will make it ok
my thoughts displayed incoherency, but I continued on my way
I closed on the shadows and could pick details in there faces
FUCK! I cant believe it, these were my previous assailants
I kept my head down hoping, praying they wouldn’t notice
however my image grabbed their focus and all was hopeless
my hands turned to fists, white knuckled ready to brawl
I cant run any longer from this, I’ll die standing tall
the wind blew throwing leaves like western tumbleweeds
frozen, the night air was so cold it stung my exposed teeth
“hey, hey don’t run!” they jogged up on me and I cowered
“you dropped your wallet. we must have chased you an hour”
I slapped my back pocket, and found it’s emptiness was so
“thanks, yo” I proceeded to walk away calm and slow
in this story a lesson was shown and the moral is known
face what lies ahead, don’t run from your past...............
.................................................B ecause you never know

[elemental_game]

tight piece liked everything about it good structure and wordplay....hit my om up in my sig

[djb]

no! i will not hit up your om. really read what i wrote. then leave some honest feed. then i will return the favor.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...37#post2908237
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...81#post2908281

[elemental_game]

no! i will not hit up your om. really read what i wrote. then leave some honest feed. then i will return the favor.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...37#post2908237

why did u give me that link?????

[sILLable]

very dope...imagery was very ill...i loved tha concept...loved tha wordplay and tha complexity....your style really accents this piece..your structure of course was fine...your vocab was ill....not advanced like grab a thesaurus for everyother word...but really helped tha piece out with how advanced it was....flowed well...all in all very dope piece....could you reply to tha piece in my sig titled~Dark Green Woods~ plz...id appreciate it.~1~

[elemental_game]

ok i really read it this time......................and ur vocab struck me the most u used words with more meaning than jus lil words and ireally liked how u used more complex wording to

I ingest the crude rudimentary insults that waver harm savor the flavor of saliva and dry eyes as I am now gone

i thought that was a tight part.......now could u hit up my om

[Steven William]

Nice drop, imagery was very very good. It wasn't hard to pick out it just naturally came throughout the verse and that was pretty consistent. Emotion was very good also, I loved this aspect of your verse it was there the whole time and strong all the way through it. Flow, nothing wrong with it except in one or two places because of some of the 3 or more syllable words you added to gain more imagery and emotion. But that's fine with me.

Overall Very Nice Drop.

[djb]

thanks guys. up

[djb]

upp

[djb]

mom! meatloaf! fuck! upping this

[Rock$]

it was dope i liked the image and shit it was tight, it was deep to i liekd your whole scheme

a lil long tho for a verse wid no hook but it was tight hit up my OM's peace out nigga

[djb]

thanks man

[CrazyCarl]

I could picture everything that happened, so the imagery was a strength. There was nice description to set up the story early on. The complex rhyming also made the piece enjoyable. The action in the middle was pretty gripping. The twist at the end worked with smooth transition. The closing couplet was solid, leaving the reader with the idea.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219649

[Johnny 6-feet]

I liked the topic man, simple yet creative at the same time. You kept the story moving and managed to give insight into the charecters thought process as well. Solid vocab, some good multi's and strong miagery which helped me visualise the scene. My only real criticism of this piece was that he wasnt being chased by something more interesting than muggers, but ehh... it was a good read anyway.

Keep repping us right man.

Def Poets, mu'fukka.

[djb]

thanks guys means a lot. upping