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Thread: My Love Poem

  1. #1
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    My Love Poem

    An old poem of mine that i recently edited...


    My Love Poem
    Fresh Prince


    Before you get the right idea, this is a love poem
    with that said this isnt a love poem
    a story of heart break and facing hard fate
    i cant take what im holdin so i move my palms and feel the world crash
    i mean this girl's ass make you wanna concoct ways to grab ya cock
    witout nobody seeing you, but she a human being too
    down to earth as gravity so i wanna get tight in her womb
    seeing shorty's shadow smile could brighten a room
    and im talkin four walls of glass at noon time she that bright
    i say to her i think i love you and she give me a look like "oh is that right?"
    the small of her back make me wanna get all in her back
    pussy tighter then mayonaise jars, im hooked like im fallin fa crack
    man im retarded i suppose im right
    hips so tight make a muthafucka wanna propose at sight
    im talkin lips full as moons sometimes
    and like intelligence and shit, that make me wanna be a groom sometimes
    like with her in my mind i could be free in imprisoment
    i had to drop a poem about her copper tone she copyright infringement
    i planned on hiding my feelings so i called my heart to book a disguise
    i would take time out of eternity to look in her eyes
    shining like when i look in the skies
    around about 1:30 right on the basketball courts
    no rain and shit neither..her being angry is as relaxing as hate
    and i mean this in the best possible way but i have for her the passion of rape
    if she passed me on a date in time, i would pray to avoid a dating crime
    couldnt begin to tell her all of this to make her mine
    i'd make her mind up like her makeup of genes
    i wanna wakeup from this dream and when i wakeup
    wakeup with her jeans on my floor and her panties hangin from the fan
    maybe late nights on the corner slangin for her man
    when we on a trip she fasten her pride
    cause when i aint lookin she shakin her ass for cash on the side
    is this love yet? this shit is catchy like the man
    shotgun Uripedes or Cupid one of them tryna catch me like the clan
    her scent is rich and i've often hugged her feelin the wealth
    maybe if she said no kiss death with a glock to my lips and killin myself
    but im saner than that its a no brainer in fact
    cause she told me she doest suck dick and i dont just respect that
    i admire it cause i cant say i do either and i think i like me
    i hope she like me cause she not like me but i like her
    im no Ty-son but try son if she hit me i would fight her
    bite her if she was freaky invite her if she was shy
    ask her for her hand in happiness and answer all her why's
    all my life i've waited hopin for a belated ocean
    of emotion to swim in since my mother's passing
    memories begin flashing passing me by like Pharcyde's Bizarre ride
    her breasts make me hard as steel like Clark Kent's pride
    and she feels good like rub lotion...
    i guess that doesnt make sense to you
    so heres your reciept and i'll take back my love poem
    1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  2. #2
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    hmm...26 views no replies...elevation is key...1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
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  3. #3
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    okay now 56 views and no replies...elevation is key, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
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  4. #4
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    78 views...no replies...
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
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  5. #5
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    94 views...no replies, guess this is my last up...elevation is always key, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  6. #6
    *Peaches*
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    i liked this poem...
    seemed very real... nice words u used... long as hell... but the poem was very sweet and real i liked it... hit my poem up..."toomany promises, too many lies"
    holla
    good job

  7. #7
    .Angelic. shawty"B"'s Avatar
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    This is a good poem, although I had to read it through a few times.... I dunno why. it just seemed to me like it was hard to grasp certain points in the poem. What I really like about this poem is the ending. How it just takes it all back. Another thing that I like about this is the unorganized structure and uneven flow.... for some reason it just helped the emotion out a great deal. This is somewhat of a unique poem, in many ways.... and I hink thats what draws me to this, the fact that its just not like the poems that you see all over the place now a days....Overall you did a good job expressing yourself like this....

    Keep Droppin'



    ....bless

    ~*UnO*~

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  8. #8
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Thanks both of you for the responses, they are much appreciated, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
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  9. #9
    you never ready Fiasco's Avatar
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    Damn Fresh....its total BS about having no quality rreplies first off...

    But anyway this piece is beautiful, i mean it is soo pure and honest it just feels very raw and full of emotion, you had plenty of great lines and the imagery and the overall just...HONESTY of the piece is really good, the poetic voice is really strong, this is simply one of the better poems i've read in a long time, and definitely one of the better pieces on this site, excellent job man, im gonna nominate this
    -Fiasco
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  10. #10
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Aight Freshy.....been awhile huh

    This was an all around nice piece...gave me lots of imagry because you described things ive been through and can picture...emotion was pure and true.....For personal reasons there were a few lines that I disliked....in poetry im not usually a big fan of using derogatory words like muthafuucker and things like that....and even though it fit in this piece it still made me feel kinda meh about using them...but thats pointless...this is your piece and you did an excellent job with it...much props

    please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224130
    A few achievements here and there

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  11. #11
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Thanks for some more reads...appreciated, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

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