Summer

[Lingwistik]

yah, it's a little late for the beginning of summer, but i just got the idea for it today, theres soemthing different about this though, look at the capitals in each line, each line spells SUMMER, also, a few of the lines don't make sense by themselves, but they spill over into the next, and the metaphors in this are crazy, because of the structure i was trying to stick to, i had to make direct comparisons, this took forever as well, no thesauruses or dictionaries used, but yah, a total of like 40 minutes, not gunna lie. but um ok, theres the story, here's the piece:

SUMMER

the Summer is Under way the Masses Movin to Eat up Rays/
they Say it's Unlikey the Movies will Move me like Early Rain/
few are Sane others with Un-united Minds Make Everyone Rhyme/
Selfishness Utilized with "Me" and "Mine" Ending with Rides/
of Samurai's quickness Underlined Most Magicians' Exit Renditions/
Superstitions of Upper Memmories Make Easy Reminicin/
Simmerin cookouts Unify More family Members they'll Ever Realize/
Soft waves Unleashed Moving Many Eyes to the shore Rise/
Some find Unfinsihed business Might Mishape Exit Rights/
Stuck Useing Misinformed Mics of Existing braggin Rights/
Spoken fights are Uniform Makeshift Mingles Entering Riddles/
School is Unattached to Middle Midgets Engulfed in plastic Reynolds/
Suffacated Unanimously by Muggy Midnights Energized by Rotation/
Sudden Uppercuts Masked by Manuevers Eradicated by flow's Racin/
Synchronized by Ugly Money Muggers Eating innocent Runners/
Sinners undieing lovers Monkeying Mistakes Erections no Rubbers/
Skilled Utmost Mothers Map Everything from flights to traveling Roads/
Simple Usurps Melt Modern hearts of Every girl given a Rose/
Then it Sinks Under the Mystery Moat into Enchanted Remnants/
Summer's Underlying Mishaps and Moments everlasting Remembrance/


can you see why it was hard to write? it flows too, i wrote it to some instrumental i found somewhere

Edit: i chanegd the single mothers to skilled, cuz whenever anyone of my friends go on vacations, their mom always makes the plans, they tell me the vacations is gunna uck, then they come back and say it was bomb, same thing in our family, so there's the change

links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211406
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210989

[Lingwistik]

uppin

[Colby Cain]

im glad u took time ta work out all the kinks and do a good job with structure so it flowed good and the metaphores were bomb. This is a real good piece and I hope alot of people read this cause it deserves the attension. good job man and keep doin ya thing. Dont be afraid of the thesauruses though, aint nuttin wrong wit leanin new words, it can only help. ya didnt need it though, good job

[Colby Cain]

oh yea i meant ta give ya props on capturin the topic, I really felt the stuff ya were sayin, except for the mother travlen thing, that dont happen for me but good job again
-Peace

[Lingwistik]

iight cool thanx, yah i was thinkin about changin that, i just needed sumthin

uppin

[MakeShyft]

Orignial & smooth,
This was a nice topic, It really rolled off the tongue smooth with deep meanings and It felt like you were reminissing sometimes. Vocab was good, but the emotion was there, and so was a vibe.
Solid piece, peace.

[warchild]

This was a nice piece, it was really original and creative which you barely see these days so i was feeling this piece.
The vocab was way above average some of the lines were a bit cryptic but pretty much most of the couplets made sense to me, the way you had summer spelt out in each line was really dope so i gotta give props for that.
The structure was fine the wordplay was perfect for this type of piece.
It flowed nice in parts but i expect it would be hard in a piece like this to add in a lot of multies and keep the flow consistent in every bar. Great piece.

[Swordsman]

i get what you where doing in your piece, but it came off pretty awkwardly to be honest. your lyrics didn't make sense a fair amount of the time. Props for trying to be original and strecthing your vocab. You managed to keep the right pace as well.

please return the favour on 'village of the damned'.

[Lingwistik]

iight thanx for the feedback for sure, it's greatly appreciated, do you fellas want me to give an explination to every line? I will try and record this somehow, some way, because i think it would be dope in audio.

thanx for the feedback

peace

[Lingwistik]

uppin

[the_madhatter]

This piece was good for being what it was, original. The structure is way unlike something I've seen, how you tried to keep up with a certain rhyme scheme, which the word was utilized. also some very good vocab was used and it did good to describe the atmosphere of the season. I liked this one a lot. What instrumental did you do this to?

[Lingwistik]

sheit, i don't even know the name , i was just lookin threough instrumentals on my computer, and this one opped up, and i liekd it so i wrote to it, it didn't have aname, just Hip Hop Instrumental

thanx 4 the feedback, peace

[Lingwistik]

uppin...........

[Judge Judy]

This was alright man, i think you could of used more advanced vocabulary, and maybe a better storyline.............But you got the point accros and i liked that. Your emotions are low, so next piece try to use more as it will make the readers more interested in reading it. Your slashes at the end of your lines shouldnt be there, there a little "noobish", and your from 03'. Just do these things above and youll be better in no time. GL and check out my OM, The Escape.

Pz

[Lingwistik]

what the fuck, better vocab?, i don't give a fuck if the "/" are noobish, why does it matter? no emotion? shit do you have any idea how hard it was to write it, every line has meaning, , did you even realize that every line spells Summer? It wasn't even a story, it was a topical, what the fuck are you on?

no but seriously? someone tell me what's wrong with using "/" i don't usually use them anyway, i usually make periods liek ..., but what makes slashes "noobish", all it is is a way to tell someone when your line ends?


whatever, uppin