Matromony, Murder & Mushrooms

[Vylint]

It all started off with the real love of his life
hand in hand, they were suddenly husband & wife.
Then their blood intertwined, now a newly born kid
Didnt know that they should of examined abortion.
Comes home one night, with a buzz in his mind,
Ready to go inside and give a hug to his wife.
He does, then he wishes his son a good night.
Joseph gave his son a good tuck in tonite.
"When he drifts off, it's lift off. Mushrooms, alright?
-"Mos def, we'll eat the caps & Stems"
"Yea and load the extra dust in a pipe"

...Hours later...

"I told you, you stupid cunt, let go of me!"
-"Come on, your ruining us, JOEY PLEASE!!!!
With his wedding ring on, Elbow bent he cocks back
was gonna let her live, untill her smart ass shot back
With "please joe" nonesense, cracked her in the front ribs
She screached, she's gonna wake the kid, dumb bitch!
My grip slips, she tries runnin, my hand on her knee
then she fell and the floor put a slam on her teeth.
Her gums pulsating, pussy pink where the enamel was.
-"You've Gone Crazy! Dont push me, Please!"
"Crybaby whore, I told you your hand is up!
Theres damage done, and I need to make sure your dead"
reached back again, and branded a design in her forhead.
The same one she had engraved in his band was her name
now left a scar bleeding in that shape on her face.
He spun her around, like he slapped rewined.
Nustled her down, and then fucking snapped her spine.
Her head sitting sideways, with her neck in a ruin,
the sound of a knock, but the real effect of a nuke.
Her red rum blood, now seemed to be glowing mettalic.
River silver and animated with malice.
He could see what remained left of her heart,
untill the real death did em part.
"Damn, now i'm trippin hard"

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=206361
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=208112

[Vylint]

Up'n , this is a good peice fuckas.

[sILLable]

not bad...i know we got beef..but im not gonna be immature......ill piece....i liked the emotion....imagery was ill....your vocab wasnt as good as ive seen you use....wordplay was tight...i liked tha creativity...originality too.....rhyme scheme was ill...i liked tha multis.....all in all this was an ill piece...keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

[Born To Kill]

Damn, Vy...

Good shit here...real intense story.

I've done alotta caps in my time and never felt like killing folk...always had a mellow high on them...now acid, that's another thing...one time I felt it was my duty to try and kill as many iguanas as I could at this street festival, where it seemed everyone fuckin had one...either that or a python/boa of some kind...but they didn't bother me, the iguanas are the ones I had to kill. I dunno why, ask the acid. I just needed to rip em outta peeps hands and stomp em for some reason.

Anyway, I digress...

Great build up in your story...I liked how shit got progressively worse with each bar. Shit, each line...It was like watching a death clip on Ogrish or actually doing it yourself cuz ya see it unfolding, you see damage being done, you're into it, you're flowing with the violence and enjoying it, but then...you realize, right after you've done it, that you've taken it just a bit too far...past the point of no return. Maybe a mark or wound on her you know you'll never be able to explain to the docs and cops...maybe it's a look she gives you that says she'll never forgive this...that she'll either rat you out or that her love, your life together is forever, from that point on, damaged, tainted...shit will never be the same...

So you make a decision...to just finish it and mourn the loss of what you had.

I so get this...

Peace

[Dan Dare]

BTK scares me ... seriously.

But yeah, as the others have said, this was a good piece. I've seen your writing before, but I have to say this was fairly impressive: good visuals; good emotion. It lacked a complex rhyme scheme, but it seemed to read smoothly, and, for a storytelling piece, the tone was good. The last week or so has been dire in OM, I haven't seen anything worth reading, even, but this was a refreshing read; creative and well written. Worthy of a nomination I think.

[Jay Walker]

Nice drop Vy. Not to often I'll come into OM and read pieces, but I've been peepin ya shit the last few days. Seems like you put the most effort into this one. Flow wasnt very complex or anything, but it was so smooth, all the way through. Those quotes you threw in there, too, added some good flavor, and they were done well. For a story piece, this was a really cool one, wasnt to long that youd kinda zone off and just read, but it wasn't to short, either. I, unlike btk, could definately see someone tweaking out on mush and goin crazy... ill writing dude.

[Foreshadow]

The imagery was dope.. And the flow was sick and consistent... I really liked the story line to this piece.. nice work keep droppin..

[warchild]

This was dope, the story was constructed well you kept the emotion up in all the bars when most people who write story raps just seem to lose their perspective on the story but you didnt so i thought it was nice.
I always write dark shit so i could feel what you was saying in the bars, your flow is nice so that stood out to me, the vocab and wordplay were good the imagery wasnt over the top, and in this piece it didnt really need to be.
You described the actions of the people in the story in great gory detail so that really brought the verses to life. Dope piece i'll be looking out for more of your verses.

Reply to my thread id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210894

[Vylint]

im not gonna reply, seriously i dont like you. but thanks for the feed.