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Thread: Why Meth, Insanity, and Janitors Don't Mix!

  1. #1
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Why Meth, Insanity, and Janitors Don't Mix!

    The smell of fresh, hot shit from jalapeno dip doesn’t make me sick…
    What does the trick is the herbal blossom mist that mixes with this.
    So my fist grips the handle like a neck I wanna strangle and chop…
    My job is bad enough but this makes me wanna mangle my mop.
    The dispenser and its timer, is a censor and reminder that I control not…
    Even the smells I have to smell while I’m cleaning these porcelain pots.
    Of yellow piss spots, drying blood drops, shit stains and snot sprays…
    Once an hour I have to scour, then dash home to shower and bathe.
    Which is ok cuz home’s not far away in this obsessive compulsive plot…
    It’s easy, see, cuz I live in an RV that’s parked right in this parking lot.
    And it fills my thoughts; anger does, frustration and visions of slaughter…
    Cuz bathing 10 times a day always means having to refill the water.
    Like martyrs; in life, I get overlooked, overtook and passed right by…
    The knowledge I exist was missed, though I’m right in front of their eyes.
    I despise these robots, these zombies, the walking dead who shop at Sears…
    Who seem to babble at nothing until you see the wire hanging out their ear.
    I fear I’ll combust with disgust and distrust, I just can’t take that much…
    Before I snap like a rigid penis that slips out from under a fat fuck.
    I’m stuck in this location, no salvation as it pertains to my challenge...
    Bromide jugs on top of chloride cups, describes my brain’s imbalance.
    That brings malice to my job of cleaning up a slob’s waste and mess…
    And I profess my distress even more when the suit’s replaced by a dress.
    Cuz despite being blessed with success and achieving college grad…
    I find their panties streaked with blood from the abortion they just had.
    In fact, their bathroom has a different smell when I take my breaths…
    It’s pungent as hell cuz tampons and pads blend an aroma of death.
    Like the meth I indulge in when my day is done in, feel the rush; release…
    Cuz to clean shit and get paid for it is just waiting for the day you’re deceased.

  2. #2
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Last edited by Born To Kill; June 30th, 2005 at 09:54 AM

  3. #3
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Nice piece...


    First of nice unique topic which is hard to
    find these days.
    Your strong points were, Imagery great imagery
    you displayed. Vivid images , Nicley done.
    The other was your word usage to discribe
    the situation nice indeed. The other your multies
    was extremely good.


    "So my fist grips the handle like a neck I wanna strangle and chop…
    My job is bad enough but this makes me wanna mangle my mop."

    ^ Those lines weren't the best however
    It made me want to read more because
    I was about to get lazy and click ya ish
    off...so those lines were key.


    Nice piece overall haven't seen a good
    one like this inawhile...Maybe we could
    do a collab..

    anyways return the fav and click the
    link in my sig.

    Peace

  4. #4
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    i aint talked to you in a minute BTK, hows the family doin nigga... you know who i am, but i aint ganna say for now... but i will put my say on this shit...

    You have gottin pretty sick with the hole topic issue hommie. I was feelin the creativity and all of that shit. On maybe 2 parts the flow was a bit sketchy, other than that... I was bumpin to it, trust on that... LoL, im liken the work... keep it up and be sure to look at my shit later


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    SEE THINGS THROUGH MY EYES... SEE THROUGH MY LYRICS

    My Open Mics

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    SS LEAGUE

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    ~High Class... Back???~

  5. #5
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Thanks alot, you two...

    Bump!

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    oh shite... this got some ill shite up in here bro.
    internal rhymes was flowed pretty well on point...
    uhm nice crazy combination with the topic at hand, they really should'nt mix yo.

    Cuz despite being blessed with success and achieving college grad…
    I find their panties streaked with blood from the abortion they just had.

    oh shite!

    what i percieved as humour was off the hook in places...
    yeah its kinda crazy i like it,
    .................................................. ......................

  7. #7
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Come on, give it a read...

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! DJRizzle's Avatar
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    i liked ur imagery alot it was of high quality i liked the structure also alot it was interesting and ur rhyme scheme was alright to
    And it fills my thoughts; anger does, frustration and visions of slaughter…
    Cuz bathing 10 times a day always means having to refill the water.
    i luv this line haha get me back on mine i jus wrote my first song id appreciate feed

  9. #9
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Bump!

  10. #10
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    I said BUMP, godamnnit!!!

  11. #11
    beyond dope.
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    y0 u suckz dude!



    **~~dances~~**

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  12. #12
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    If this doesn't get the attention I think it deserves I may net kill someone!

  13. #13
    Banned MakeShyft's Avatar
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    shhh RB is sleeping ....

    Rely tight piece .. liked the penis line cause it was funny.
    This didn't really have a stroyline to it, really it just flashed the man's life as a janitor to you, but still.. it's the best I've seen this month. Only a few lines felt forced, but the rhym sheme was perfect .. an I still got lots of imagry too. Overall 8.9/10
    Just felt like it was missing sumthing .. but hot piece .

    Cheak this out.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=208512

    Pz.

  14. #14
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Thanks, dude!

  15. #15
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    wow, born...great piece... i think you really outdid yourself this time. even the rhyme scheme, was very interesting... you had at least three syllable rhyming at the end of most sentences, internal rhymes everywhere, and mixed it up a bit.. very effective. the story, was also worthy.. extremely interesting, especially how you made the reader feel disgusted at the janitors lifestyle, and sorry for him at the same time. you proved thgat you truly are, a writer to be envied. keep up the great work. i'd reply more, but i just had an idea for a piece..!

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