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Thread: God - Around The World

  1. #1
    The King
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    God - Around The World

    In this globe we live in, it's a given, humans are struggling
    People driven insane by all of the pressures they're juggling
    Two ways out of the trap for most: athletic and lyrical
    And every waking second of life, a birth arrives, a miracle
    Empirical formulas developed, enveloping the masses in war
    Whores rolling on the floors, sniffing and fiending for more
    This is the reality, the true fatality, lives come and go in swirls
    Lying in the clutches of tragedy dominating around the world


    Texas, Ghana, Paris, Beijing, everywhere people search for a better life
    Praying that the day won't come where husbands must bury their wives
    Hoping that the strife will soon be over, lowered guns, warring stopped
    Hoping there can be no more animosity between the civilians and cops
    They seek the river, to bear them into the new age of destiny, it calls
    Where humans can think and know not to destroy forests, building malls
    Where bathroom stalls are no longer the biggest threat for the female
    Where there will be no breakouts, because no murderers in these jails
    Degrees hailed at universities, a peice of paper deciding you're smart
    While younglings try to be rappers, and get disdained for these arts
    And street smarts? It's a part of the survival education, no question
    Youth learning to avoid prison, where they become slaves to erections
    From the homo thugs in the cells, on the lookout to ring a bell or two
    While across the world, AIDs infected Africans walk with no shoes
    And Europe with booze, teenagers becoming alcoholics very early
    Changing the rope of life from straight and narrow to frayed and curly
    Plus the surly politicians get to rippin' on each other, death campaigns
    Plotting a nation's certain destruction during the caviar and champagne
    And The Game and 50 Cent are our children's heroes, all they've got
    Corruption of these fake gansters have kids running to the Candy Shop
    And it's hot, I mean, I can rap about it, so some are conscious, right?
    But my naiveté blinds me to the fact the voice of reason sounds light
    'Cuz they don't put up a fight, like mindless dogs following masters
    Telling the world it's cool to have sex early and pick on a fat bastard
    And so their souls wait for the masturbation of life, regurgitating peace
    Where they don't condition your right to life with the terms on a lease
    And thus around the world we go, until we can give ourselves freedom
    And I gotta say it, damn, God would be nice right now, 'cuz we need him

    In this globe we live in, it's a given, humans are struggling
    People driven insane by all of the pressures they're juggling
    Two ways out of the trap for most: athletic and lyrical
    And every waking second of life, a birth arrives, a miracle
    Empirical formulas developed, enveloping the masses in war
    Whores rolling on the floors, sniffing and fiending for more
    This is the reality, the true fatality, lives come and go in swirls
    Lying in the clutches of tragedy dominating around the world
    Wrecks.

  2. #2
    The King
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    Wrecks.

  3. #3
    The King
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=196809
    2 link.











    Red link, blue link.

    Dr. Seuss in the heezy!
    Wrecks.

  4. #4
    Newbie
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    Yeah... I got my old name back.
    Feedback, bitches!

  5. #5
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    I liked this, structure was nice, a smooth read. I enjoyed the rhyming in the chorus. You had a wide range of ideas, but some nice concepts within the piece, which was a strength of the verse. The subtle wording on some thoughts made the meaning hit harder. Vocab was good, and you kept with the rhyme schemes you had without falling off.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197130

  6. #6
    The King
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    Thanks for the feed... anyone else? Hit it up.
    Wrecks.

  7. #7
    The King
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    Uppin this again...
    Wrecks.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Obseen's Avatar
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    Degrees hailed at universities, a peice of paper deciding you're smart
    While younglings try to be rappers, and get disdained for these arts

    i liked this line alot

    From the homo thugs in the cells, on the lookout to ring a bell or two
    While across the world, AIDs infected Africans walk with no shoes

    liked this line again

    Hoping that the strife will soon be over, lowered guns, warring stopped
    Hoping there can be no more animosity between the civilians and cops

    liked this aswell

    ther are too much lines to qoute on here i liekd the topic like carl sed read smooth liked the chorus overall yeh real good read keep it up bruv -1- check for my post tomoz called "the good days"
    Last edited by Obseen; May 30th, 2005 at 03:26 PM

  9. #9
    The King
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    Thanks man. Uppin again. I'll check your OM.
    Wrecks.

  10. #10
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
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    How can you say this is a smooth read? He obviously didn't write to a beat, or at least properly, because your lines are way too long. Way too long, plus you didn't have internal rhymeschemes or anything to transition your thoughts. Work on that.
    can I kick it?

  11. #11
    The King
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    LMAO at the two of you.
    Anything nice to say?
    I mean, after Wicked's (I dunno wtf that is) comment
    and Spoken Origami's criticism?

    And word, I've never tried writing to a beat before, LOL...
    I'll try it one day.
    Wrecks.

  12. #12
    The King
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    Word... I know you were, LOL...
    *Seen you do it before*
    Wrecks.

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Pretty nice.

    Streched, but dope.

    Work on some better vocab, i know your capabilities lol. Your structure is pretty nice, but your flow is off because of the streched lines. Just cut them down and this piece would be dope y0.

    Overall, a nice read, worth it.

    Please check my piece called "segregation era"

    Peace

  14. #14
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    This was eeehhh. I've seen you come better. The line length wasn't as much of a problem as I thought it would be. The problem was creativity. I've seen this same piece a thousand times. 1 out of ever 5 pieces is this piece. I'd go for more originality. Write something that you think noone has ever written. Think of concepts that you think noone else has ever thought of. If you do that, you'll be pretty nice.



    Anyway, the best part of this story is...

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    "Youth learning to avoid prison, where they become slaves to erections"

    Buwahahahahahahahahaha!! Omg, omg, omg! Lmao.

    *dead*

    *back to life*

    *dead*

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197814
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  15. #15
    K-Loc K-Loc's Avatar
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    I agree that ya lines were waaay too long ya rhymin was nice tho' I like the story line, dealin wit real shit....I see a lot of potential, I'll be lookin for some new posts soon! keep ya head up!
    Last edited by K-Loc; June 5th, 2005 at 11:46 PM Reason: cuz i felt like it
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