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Thread: Cry (4ever)

  1. May 24th, 2005, 06:44 AM #1
    Trema
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    Cry (4ever)

    I gotta to make this song cry....


    I gotta to make this song cry my brother said why
    -through all the trials and shit....i know i'm a end up in the sky
    i rap for the thrill niggaz out to kill
    -no way am i trying to portray a killa but ma boys say i'm ill
    gotta to stay on topic why? coz i see my own death
    -its scary 3 bullets penetrated into my chest
    nobody see's the headless horseman in there dreams accept me
    -never had the chance to be a kid and watch nick tv
    always running from beef i guess my lifes like black jack
    -put a black jack on the pack pick up seven or lean back
    stay strapd? nah i'ld rather stay with my pack having fun
    -no need for me to be on the run for packing a 12mil gun
    i cant make my eyes shed i denie my heart to cry
    -too much pain like a wingless bee trying to fly
    lord forgive me for my sins i promise i'll never be bad again
    -but like 5o said......over and over again

    Chorus:
    I dont wanna cry....
    too much pain why...
    god i gotta to make this song cry...tell me why

    concealing my thoughts not telling any1 b4 they think i'm sick
    -end up with my rights being red out--and sectioned talking to a shrink
    music is the only way i try to bring piece to my heart
    -but i put everything into my work...but it still dont shine in the dark
    voices i'm hearing saying death is the best thing for me
    -bring a bag of haze bottle of jin an weetoes and now u hearing me
    maybe lord you should taken my soul instead of my mothers
    -huisane fatal is nufin without his long lost brother
    2pac is an idol he helped me with my rhymes
    -is death thee only thing that makes a nigger shine?
    seems so aint shit now but i wonder if they'll remember
    -the times when i was shit an my niggaz said dont worry yul get beta

    Chorus:
    I dont wanna cry....
    too much pain why...
    god i gotta to make this song cry...tell me why


    Daymm, oh shit, sorry yaahl for the sad rhymes and shit--lol, i just got a big rock on my heart and i'm trying to lift it! hold tight...

    Chorus:
    I dont wanna cry....
    too much pain why...
    god i gotta to make this song cry...tell me why

    1st link
    2nd link
    written voices makes hidden noises
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  2. May 24th, 2005, 07:08 AM #2
    EyeCandy
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    [QUOTE=Trema]I gotta to make this song cry....


    I gotta to make this song cry my brother said why
    -through all the trials and shit....i know i'm a end up in the sky
    i rap for the thrill niggaz out to kill
    -no way am i trying to portray a killa but ma boys say i'm ill
    gotta to stay on topic why? coz i see my own death
    -its scary 3 bullets penetrated into my chest
    nobody see's the headless horseman in there dreams accept me
    -never had the chance to be a kid and watch nick tv
    always running from beef i guess my lifes like black jack
    -put a black jack on the pack pick up seven or lean back
    stay strapd? nah i'ld rather stay with my pack having fun
    -no need for me to be on the run for packing a 12mil gun
    i cant make my eyes shed i denie my heart to cry
    -too much pain like a wingless bee trying to fly
    lord forgive me for my sins i promise i'll never be bad again
    -but like 5o said......over and over again

    Chorus:
    I dont wanna cry....
    too much pain why...
    god i gotta to make this song cry...tell me why

    concealing my thoughts not telling any1 b4 they think i'm sick
    -end up with my rights being red out--and sectioned talking to a shrink
    music is the only way i try to bring piece to my heart
    -but i put everything into my work...but it still dont shine in the dark
    voices i'm hearing saying death is the best thing for me
    -bring a bag of haze bottle of jin an weetoes and now u hearing me
    maybe lord you should taken my soul instead of my mothers
    -huisane fatal is nufin without his long lost brother
    2pac is an idol he helped me with my rhymes
    -is death thee only thing that makes a nigger shine?
    seems so aint shit now but i wonder if they'll remember
    -the times when i was shit an my niggaz said dont worry yul get beta

    Chorus:
    I dont wanna cry....
    too much pain why...
    god i gotta to make this song cry...tell me why


    Daymm, oh shit, sorry yaahl for the sad rhymes and shit--lol, i just got a big rock on my heart and i'm trying to lift it! hold tight...

    Chorus:
    I dont wanna cry....
    too much pain why...
    god i gotta to make this song cry...tell me why



    aiite 4 real i'm deffo feelin da whole of it cuz ur jus lettin out evryting from ur hart... i wud hav qwote but dis byatch keyboard is playin.. itz gud 2 let out ur feelinz it makez u feel much better..wun
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''
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  3. May 24th, 2005, 07:47 AM #3
    Trema
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    thanks

    thanks for what you said yo, i'm trying to put my life back! uppin, all feed will be returned
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  4. May 24th, 2005, 08:20 AM #4
    Ghotti
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    it was tight fam, thanx fo da fed back....but how u leave two good post i'm new on dis site
    GHOTTI TILL DA DAY
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  5. May 24th, 2005, 08:22 AM #5
    Ghotti
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    check my new thread out Get At Me II
    GHOTTI TILL DA DAY
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  6. May 24th, 2005, 08:31 AM #6
    Trema
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    lol

    you need to reply to two post^^^like you just did der and leave there name an name of tunes if u dont know how to leave links!
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  7. May 24th, 2005, 10:10 AM #7
    Trema
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    uppin

    uppin
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  8. May 24th, 2005, 10:18 AM #8
    Johnny 6-feet
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    a good topic but i think you need to work on the complexity of your vocab and your rhymes. a few decent uses of imagery and solid flow throughout though. the hook needed some work. like i said, stronger rhymes, maybe some multi's as well, would really help his piece.

    keep elavating.

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  9. May 24th, 2005, 10:30 AM #9
    Trema
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    thanks jonny

    i know i need to elevate thanks for the feed though!
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  10. May 24th, 2005, 11:49 AM #10
    sILLable
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    this was tight, does need more multis, a stronger rhyme scheme and some more imagery,heart felt though,had emotion,all in all not a bad piece at all son,keep droppin and elevatin.~1~


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  11. May 24th, 2005, 12:08 PM #11
    Trema
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    ^^^thanks yo,need to leave links to yaahl wurk and ul check it out!
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  12. May 24th, 2005, 12:09 PM #12
    Trema
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    ...

    ^^^thanks yo, need to leave links for me then i can reply to yaahl shit!
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  13. May 25th, 2005, 11:06 AM #13
    Tha Track
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    yyeaaahh, itz sad cuz i can relate..


    *Edit, dont wanna look back.*
    Last edited by Tha Track; May 26th, 2005 at 05:41 AM
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  14. May 28th, 2005, 07:56 PM #14
    Ill Techniquez
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    i liked this
    imagery and flow were on point
    to improve need to use multies and a wider vocab
    rtf bro
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  15. May 28th, 2005, 08:33 PM #15
    CrazyCarl
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    You got emotion across, which was the strength of the piece. Looks like it be a good audio, I assume you're putting it to Song Cry by Jay-Z. The goal would be to have the emotion be felt in the audio as well. Some alright ideas, but you can work on your content, setting up your rhymes. Try to be descriptive doing that, and you'll elevate your imagery.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197130
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