Fork In The Road: Peace Or Pleasure

[Andrew..]

Fork In The Road: Peace or Pleasure
Carrying Lifes Load on my back as I roam the dark tree filled woods
Staggering strife but still bold, Cold; But still moving as fast as I could
Life is a struggle; weight is sinking my feet into the solid ground
Going farther and farther into the earth; Seem like I am hell bound
But I most make my way through; Even if the trees are touching the sky
So I cant see if the sky is blue; And I think to myself, God why?
Am I going into this? Did I astray from your great will?
Life is moving fast and bumpy like I am walking on shakey hills
But then finally I reach a fork in the road I have been traveling for days
I notice it and stopped as I never seen this before; running through this maze
So I graze at the imprinted words in the blocks of wood and arrows pointing
To the two separate directions; I read the word Pleasure outloud choking
Knowing of Gods deception; againt me I took the direction of pleasure
Expecting a nice dwelling to rest my aching body and some nice weather
So I got my body together; and made a left to the life of pleasure and happiness
Making the left wasn’t the right choice I was forced to live life happiless



To Be Continued…

[Andrew..]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=191598
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192952

[Andrew..]

Dont Sleep!

[Johnny 6-feet]

very poetic man, some great imagery (the best feature of the piece) and good vocab to support it. Some multi's would've helped the flow though and i thought the lines were overstretched, but the originality of the topic and its other strengths more then made up for it.

keep posting.

[Rock$]

it was iite good peice it was liek a poem type shit haha but it was ite i got the story

[Andrew..]

Thanks. Bounce.

[Judge Judy]

I thought this was nice......In the openor, Dont force the words....If it doesnt fit, Then dont add it lol....For example, Cold didnt really need to be their, kinda filler...

Structure is volatile....Work on that, Make it a consistent flow.

Pretty nice vocab, But i think you should incorporate a new Rhyme scheme into your pieces....Like this XXX BBB XXX, and so on and so fourth.

But overall this piece was nice man, Keep droping.

GL

[Andrew..]

Thanks. Bounce again.

[Judge Judy]

RTF fool.

[Skribble]

this was nice, i enjoyed readin this man, for me, i think it was a 7.5/10,good work! keep it up!

[Andrew..]

Um Weak but ok thanks for reply.

[..Vendetta..]

Decent Piece Metaphor Good Use in Words, Nice Structure I Was Feeling This Piece Man Good Topic I Liked It Dope

[Andrew..]

Upping above closed.

[Awaken]

Not that bad of a read. Although this story could've been worked on a bit better. It just didn't really hit me as well as other pieces on here. Either it's that or you should've just waited to put the continued verse on, cuz the ending of this, wasn't good at all. Ending's are supposed to leave you hanging, or with your jaw dropped. Other than that, everything was good, wordplay, vocab was decent, flow was a little iffy at points and some metaphors were kinda lame like the whole shaky hills thing, i never heard the term ''shaky hills'' before lol. But, keep wriitng man, i hope to see more from you soon.

[Andrew..]

Thanks. Upping above closed.