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Thread: Fading Memories

  1. May 7th, 2005, 06:07 PM #1
    nolonger
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    Fading Memories

    Fading Memories

    Night swallowed the sky, as a dry breeze flourished the air
    Dew released on the campus, as the evening began to prepare
    One last glare from the sun, the mountains captured in the midst
    As the clouds kissed, they seized to exist..
    ..Then further sank into the mist
    A twist in the weather, never failed or turned my consent
    I experience day turn to night and returned to my tent
    I spent hours pondering, wondering, will I be imposed
    If this is the open way of existence feeling at distance..
    ..With persistence why do I feel so in-closed?
    My inner temperature rose, scary thoughts stared attacking me
    Why do we call it a shadow when it overpowers the anatomy?
    A figure stood at the foot outlined by the moons reflection
    Feeling a connection of rejection..
    ..Eyes closed with no sort of protection
    A section of my heart froze, exposed and so misunderstood
    He cut me..
    ..Knowing the wound would heal but the one in my head never would.
    He stood over my body, his weakness made me afraid
    Was it really my time to leave or just a mistake that god made?
    He didn’t stay, instead he went ahead as my cut started to spread
    But every drop of blood was just a symbol of every tear that was shed
    I feel dead inside, all I experience is my shivering heart
    Feeling high as my sole and body begin to depart
    Leaving this world, I arrive on my journey with no one to thank
    As I reflect on my memories this memory begins to turn blank
    And as I lie hear admitting to defeat with my body degrading
    The one thing that keeps me going is these memories fading.

    #1.
    #2.
    Last edited by nolonger; May 7th, 2005 at 06:11 PM

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  2. May 7th, 2005, 06:11 PM #2
    nolonger
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    Mother fucker i hit em up!

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  3. May 7th, 2005, 06:18 PM #3
    Trojan
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    nice k i was really feelin the flow
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  4. May 7th, 2005, 06:25 PM #4
    nolonger
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    word.

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  5. May 7th, 2005, 06:31 PM #5
    nolonger
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    up over closed!

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  6. May 8th, 2005, 06:36 AM #6
    nolonger
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    Bump!

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  7. May 8th, 2005, 11:56 AM #7
    Rezen
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    nice drop, i liked the use of vocab and the poetic scene..painted a great picture with words, good job..
    i also liked the closer, *pats you on the back*

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  8. May 9th, 2005, 05:51 PM #8
    nolonger
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    *falls over*


    TWAT

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  9. May 12th, 2005, 10:49 AM #9
    nolonger
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    Last i guess.

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  10. May 12th, 2005, 06:43 PM #10
    Andrew..
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    Straight Drop. The best part of this peice had to be the imagery. You had alot of it through out the whole peice. A great picture in my mind. Good vocabulary through out also. The flow was decent.
    Back.
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  11. May 13th, 2005, 02:58 AM #11
    Jay Walker
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    This was sick, shame its getting slept on. Nice flow, bomb imagery, good vocab, steady rhyme scheme. overall just a really good read man, thanks. n drop some more of this shit.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm
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  12. May 13th, 2005, 10:50 AM #12
    nolonger
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    thanks men.

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  13. May 13th, 2005, 12:31 PM #13
    DJRizzle
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    If this is the open way of existence feeling at distance..
    ..With persistence why do I feel so in-closed?
    My inner temperature rose, scary thoughts stared attacking me
    Why do we call it a shadow when it overpowers the anatomy?

    haha awsome i dont know much about rap schematics but it seems to be put toghether very well
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  14. May 13th, 2005, 03:42 PM #14
    Deviate
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    Wow... No proper feedback after this long?

    Anyway, this was excellent. K you never cease to impress me, and I'm sure it's the same with others. You drop consistantly with excellent pieces and that level is maintained throughout, and often improved upon. You wrote very well here, the internal rhymes, the assonance, it was all excellent. The imagery was very vivid and thought provoking, which was great... Your structure was very good also. There is little for me to fault here, this was excellent. I have no place criticising your work when you are on a higher level than me, and most people on this site.

    Well done... If you could check out "Left to Die" in my sig I'd appreciate it...

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives
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