User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: The Serene Ballad (ft. SpokenOrigami)

  1. #1
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    7,366
    Battle Record
    3-2
    Awards OFOTK Champion

    The Serene Ballad (ft. SpokenOrigami)

    The Serene Ballad (ft. SpokenOrigami)

    Mindless
    SpokenOrigami

    Give me a thread to needle. an incision to mend.
    a vein to puncture, and a song to wound.


    Eastern philosophy; the ode to contemporary being,
    thieving the rotating sieve of the sands of time.
    Thank god that perfection/heaven doesn’t have a curfew.

    Tilt back my eyes while I dilate the blackness inside;
    show me how to sit sober or dance drunk.
    I'll be stumbling over notes in the next room,
    listening to progressive rock within a stoner's throw;
    using this lop-sided barstool as a pedestal.


    Individuality is modern day’s villain, it wears a mask
    of an infinite colour spectrum, speaks with assurance,
    and sees the perspective in a watery orb. Tears streak,
    from ear to cheek; In fear, in defeat.
    Darkness is appealing.
    I'm falling into an acid trip; regret sits in a spinning chair.
    The syringe drips sending ripples through my skin,
    theres no need for a cure when I've been dead already.
    Influence is extacy; an exit for every suburban born city.
    Our country ran over lady liberty with an SUV.
    Call a taxi if my philosophy is too diluted,
    but don't throw up in the back seat.

    I am starting to believe that inspiration lost it’s copyrights
    to the pornography publishers; Time to use beauty’s carcass
    as a comforter, stuffing her with the last phoenix feathers,
    maybe the sexual implications finally stole the globe’s
    last thread of morale.
    Too bad.
    I need that to stitch false hope back into my blanket.

    Let the unraveled road begin to inject a comfortable death.
    It's self inflicted travels walk across my scars.
    we are a generation of wanderers, with hearts for departure.
    Breeding pedestrians inside the far reaches of tatoo parlors.
    There's no harm in being confined to smoke filled bars; gentlemen
    grabbing the arm of virginity found at the bottom of a bottle...
    and lost at the top of the next. bartender where's my check?
    im ready for a little dead sex and a name I'll forget.


    Inevitably, lady lava, mother earth
    has stopped lactating. Producing the milk is counter-productive,
    so let the larva feast on the rotten spoils of war.
    Choking on small parts is dangerous: take caution. Narcotics
    are included in every Happy Meal. Morale is a miscellaneous
    item in the children’s toybox. Stay out of mommy’s botox.

    This is not another gateway drug,
    or a story of silent sobriety.
    This poem was written in a line of coke.
    This song, sung with a pill in my throat.
    We'll never heal our addiction.
    We'll peel back the label on each prescription.
    Refill every pore with an IV, spilling medicine.

    Bury me with two litres of orange juice,
    and a strip of sunshine.
    Uproot me when the rain plummets.
    Toe-tag reality with a fractul sun image
    Pronounced dead at 3am
    Cause of death; lysergic acid.

    Leave me a needle to thread. an open incision.
    a punctured vein, and a wounded song.
    Last edited by Moniker; May 1st, 2005 at 10:06 AM
    A ruthless
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2
    I can't tell who's verse is whos

  3. #3
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    7,366
    Battle Record
    3-2
    Awards OFOTK Champion
    ^ill change the fonts and try to make it more noticable.
    i start it off and end it, then it just goes back and forth throughout.
    A ruthless
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  4. #4
    Micstro
    Guest
    Whoa now! I think I got whose stanza's are whose, (hopefully at least). This piece was amazing. The concept and the messege behind it was insane. First 2 stanzas by Mind were definitly attention grabbing. The flow throughout this was consistant. You both have a very unique way of using internals, and it mixed well in this poem. Spoken- first piece I've read from you, very impressive. Wicked imagery, and emotion was on point, Mindless nothing less than I'd expect from you, Great flow, great meta's and a great use of internals, (now thats a great use of repetition) anyways, this was an awsome piece. I'll nominate it!

    Fave lines:

    Spoken:

    Influence is extacy; an exit for every suburban born city.
    Our country ran over lady liberty with an SUV.

    Mind:

    Choking on small parts is dangerous: take caution. Narcotics
    are included in every Happy Meal. Morale is a miscellaneous
    item in the children’s toybox. Stay out of mommy’s botox.

  5. #5
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    2,930
    Battle Record
    1-3
    Awards Haiku Season Champion
    Haha, thanks for the look Micstro, but you got our lines confused. The ones you quoted as mine as his, and the ones you quoted as his are mine.
    can I kick it?

  6. #6
    Micstro
    Guest
    LOL... So I didn't have it figured out.. Well Switch those two... Lol... Still nice piece...

  7. #7
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    7,366
    Battle Record
    3-2
    Awards OFOTK Champion
    lol, no worries.

    thanks micstro.
    A ruthless
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  8. #8
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    N.O.V.A.
    Age
    35
    Posts
    14,871
    Battle Record
    8-2
    This piece had a great ending. I found that the tone and imagery really took another life at the end. Such a strong closing.

    The only things that I could critisize was the tone in the middle of the poem, it just seemed to be ramblings, nothing much, I'm sure there was substance behind it but to me it just felt like those types of poems filled with conundrums in a search to sound "deep". Maybe I just didn't read into it enough, but don't get me wrong, I liked it alot. Mindless was the superior writer here, but that's not to say that spoken didn't have a good part in this. The imagery, and then at the end, the tone, was the shinning point in this poem. Good job to both of you.
    murder murder

  9. #9
    I See
    Guest
    this is amazing..

  10. #10
    Serene.
    Guest
    awesome, deep and impressionistic, very good job.

    Obviously it's more elite because it's my name

Similar Threads

  1. Tagailo vs SpokenOrigami [TNL vs DD]
    By Tim in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: November 3rd, 2006, 08:20 PM
  2. Serene. vs Bliz
    By Serene. in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: June 11th, 2005, 06:58 PM
  3. CaNdYmAnN vs Serene.
    By CaNdYmAnN in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: May 31st, 2005, 05:45 PM
  4. The Serene Ballad (ft. SpokenOrigami)
    By Moniker in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: May 10th, 2005, 06:34 PM
  5. SpokenOrigami...
    By Dan Dare in forum Member Pictures
    Replies: 140
    Last Post: February 7th, 2005, 08:57 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •