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Thread: Bottled Dreams

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Montreal
    Age
    36
    Posts
    3,428
    Battle Record
    14-7

    Bottled Dreams

    Perfectly shaped pieces jousted
    with the abstract and wavering
    emotions that speared through the
    veins. The ship in the
    bottle with a symbolic life
    of its own, breathing your dreams
    like any gust of air, assimilating
    into your conscious like an ashen,
    fantastic spectre gliding through
    the vortexes of purgatory.

    How can a small, decrepit ship
    trapped and beating forcefully
    against a wine-tarnished bottle
    spin you with fate's silk
    so heedlessly..entrapping you
    in a cocoon of regret like a spider
    until arachnid legs sprout from your
    coal-tinged eyes, shifting frantically
    in every direction trying to claw
    out of your sockets and into the
    gravitational pull. Let the despair
    flow freely from the grottos of
    your visage..open your eyes wide for
    the atmosphere burning sunset..
    and..realize that..

    symbolism runs rampant across one's
    brain. A small trinket of
    disreguarded unworth to me, encapsulates
    every message that your brain
    has ever received..cherish your connection
    and entrust your genuine dreams
    with the small tokens of symbolism
    that sit idly in your life. They
    will listen to you more than any relative
    or friend or blood-and-bone cadaver, they
    will act as vessels for your dreams
    even when your heart untwines itself
    from the hands of fate's grandfather clock.

  2. #2
    Selah David
    Guest
    It's really chill but I dig the way you compared our brains to bottles in a ship. I usually favor more aggressive stuff but this is cool

  3. #3
    wuddup mac...
    I dont think this was up to par with last weeks drop but it was still pretty good. What kind of writing style is it? Anyway id say the best thing about this poem and most of your others is the dreamy flow and the diction you use is original. I cant really offer any advice cuz im not familiar with that style of writing except to maybe spend more time on it since you said you keyed it. Overall nice drop.

    Check Slumber A la Paradise please...

  4. #4
    Banned
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    Jan 2004
    Location
    Montreal
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    36
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    ^^^

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Montreal
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    36
    Posts
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    Up.

  6. #6
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    New Jerusalem
    Posts
    9,745
    Battle Record
    8-6
    Dope and vivid imagery, your word choice was impeccable and the somber tone of your piece really helped to paint the picture in my mind...word placement and choice aroused the desired reaction from the reader, you did a splendid job at executing that, overall dope man, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

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