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Thread: Props To My Man John Pank ..

  1. #1
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Props To My Man John Pank ..

    Lion

    In silent silhouette, the king of beasts
    surveys his surroundings from beneath the branches
    of an out-stretched eucalyptus tree.
    With heaving chest, he welcomes the shade.
    A temporary retreat from the heat
    of the blazing sun that adornes his domain
    with a panoply of pastoral colours.
    Rich swatches of golden grass compliment his kingdom.
    At dawn, the lionesses were dispatched
    in pursuit of prey.
    He notices the scent of blood being carried by the wind.
    Vultures begin the descent from their perches
    to the parched plains below.
    A yawn escapes from the great beasts gaping jaws
    his muscular physique displayed
    as he extends his neck
    before shaking out his sable mane.
    He heads toward a nearby watering hole for light refreshment.
    His arrival prompts a stampede of cautious game
    Each running for their lives.
    Except a tenatious herd of elephants
    that take stock until the Lion roars
    causing several birds to flee from atop their trees.
    The elephant herd, reluctantly
    parade out of sight as he slakes his thirst.
    Careful to cast a pensive glare over the pool
    for signs of an imminent threat, before disappearing
    back into his panoramic paradise.
    At a sprint, he races toward the killing ground.
    Roaring with ardour as he enters the arena
    Sending scavengers spriralling skyward.
    Next to the carcass he settles.
    Gratified that royal protocol has been observed
    allowing him to claim the lions share.






    Pz!

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  2. #2
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    WORD P e r f e c t !


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  3. #3
    iNFiNiTE A
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    this sounded more lik a poem but it was still good.. it had great vocab and every thing was described very well.. but it was a lil choppy and had a pattern but it was hard to find at first but the imagery was sick loved it

  4. #4
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Woah, slept on as fuck. This has been up all weekend and got one response?

    DaMn.

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  5. #5
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    ROFL

    Why would I `spit this in a blunt cypher` ?

    WORD P e r f e c t !


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  6. #6
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Upping again. damn.

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  7. #7
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    not bad...

    nice imagery...

    fair diction and syntax...

    a few mispellings, but that's about it...

    nice poem...

    sup B?
    Bittersweet

  8. #8
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Sup man? Been a while. I see you didnt jack this all in then?

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  9. #9
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Fuck you.

    This forums gone to shit.

    WORD P e r f e c t !


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  10. #10
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    This was shit...

    The shit... Lol.

    Seriously, this was really well worked, I don't usually go for pieces like this, but I liked the whole lion concept, and the story telling was very on point and accurate.

    One thing I didn't like is why I don't like a lot of these pieces, i don't like the way the structure plays out, but I guess that show you like your pieces to look and the whole thing is actually about content.

    Imo, nice work...

    People should stop sleeping.

  11. #11
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Its structured so you know when to pause. Imagine it as a spoken word piece being read out, and at the end of each line is where you finish ther sentence you're saying, before starting a new one.

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  12. #12
    beyond dope.
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    Its nice this way of ''kinda'' poetry,
    good immagery and indepth writing..
    it catched me..
    and it was a very creative concept well thought off & a good read

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  13. #13
    Ink Thesis
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    nice.. i liked this.. the imagery stood out... it was fucking dope, real specific details describing every movement that occured, i could picture it quite well in my head.. a nice concept not done before here on rb, not sure, maybe, but yeah its unique..

    keep at it.

    peace

  14. #14
    guererouscg
    Guest
    this is like poetry

  15. #15
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Yes, but the poetry forum isn't where Baron wanted to post it.

    And I see your point now with the structure and when to pause, I don't offen read pieces like this so thanks for explaing that!

    Issue - Tearstained Pages
    Check it out, i tryied to sort my structure... Focker.

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