Little Heather
The anesthetic smell makes me gag & choke..
All I have is hope, & a half empty bag of coke.
My feet drag & mope around this white palace.
Inside, I hate myself, & curse the night’s malice.
My bright child is tied to the bed.. Unconscious,
& to say it’s not my fault would be utter nonsense.
I hurt cause I started this, & now I can’t stop it..
I break down & tears of sorrow flood my optics.
..My girl’s being kept alive by machines & tubes.
I hope: when I say to a nurse “his dream is cruel”,
But we both know it’s not a dream.. It’s true..
You’d never guess the fear this would put in you:
You’re daughter, dying before your very eyes.
Cursing your own God, below the weary skies.
Knowing you can’t save her. I can only drop tears,
But let me take you back to how we got here....
I rush into the house, & right to the kitchen table,
Snort up the first line, & my vision’s disabled..
You wouldn’t imagine the crazy high this renders.
Just as I’m spreading the second line, she enters..
“Hi, daddy!!! Take me to the cookie vender?”
Not now! & Don’t make me loose my temper.
I’ve said no, several times today, sweetheart!
Now watch cartoons & stop acting like a retard!
I spread the fat coke line into four portions.
Then put a straw to the end of one line & snort it.
“Can I have some, daddy?.. It tastes good, dad?”
You’re 4 years old! Get out and stop being bad!
Listen to daddy. Leave me alone & don’t be a bitch.
Be a fucking kid... This is grown people shit.
“I wanna be grown” she said as she left me alone.
Without her in the room, I can switch the whole tone.
The most incredible high is about to be mine,
As I , quickly, sniff one..... two..... three lines..
My nostril bleeds & I am paralyzed but still woke
Oh, shit.. This is pure.. 100% real coke...
I pass out & rest in ease, hugging coke infested dreams
When I suddenly feel my little girl next to me..
“I’ll show him I’m a big girl, then he’ll love me again”
She digs in my pocket & pulls my bag of white sin
I want to stop her but I can’t move a limb.. Just hope
My eyes are closed but I hear her poring out my coke
Then I feel her take the straw from my bald fist
I plead, and plead inside: please God! Not this!
All I can do in this state is wish & frown...
Then I hear a snort...
...& my baby girl hit the ground
I was trapped in my body, trying to wake & save her
But I wasn’t able too get up.. until 5 hours later..
*whimpers*
So I stand in this hospital crying, for Heather’s sake
When a nurse walks in and says “she’ll never wake.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Brown”
She was the part of life that mattered..
..The rest was bleak.
And all I can do is say how sorry I am
as the police arrest me.
R.I.P. Heather Brown.
May 2000 - March 2005
I’m so sorry.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182180
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182025