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Thread: Inside the Page

  1. #1
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Inside the Page


    Take a glimpse back through the immense scriptures
    Do you speculate what challenged the scenery’s picture?
    What convictions were enclosed in an immortal performance?
    Now the lone writer drowses his direction and his thoughts lay dormant
    Words of torment left with rust particles over lapping the content
    Horror trapped inside lone significant meanings and it becomes constant
    Humanity begins feasting away at my conscience with such promise
    Someone so pompous who would predict the death of nostradomus
    To become honest the truth is concealed within the chamber of fear
    Knowledge becomes plain to a tear, The foremost survivors are here
    While the savior watches the utensil rapidly write the prophecies
    Possessed with certain convictions the elders begin arguing hostility
    The point of origin was brought to me, I began reading over the prophecies
    Jesus confided in the scripture and was delighted with what he observed
    Amen became a holly word, Then life as we knew it was suddenly turned
    Gods were created and gods were faltered but god was never obscured
    Now take a real glimpse back through the prophecies on paper
    Better yet look inside the page now do you understand the righteous conviction
    The prophecies weren’t written at the golden gates but in hells own kitchen
    Prophecies were proclaimed and some banished and its writers slowly vanished
    The stones made Jesus a mage for such content that was scribed on the page
    Now the gods relaxed us but inside the page I’m the man made of ashes

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Uppin for some feedback...

  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
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    This was excellent.. In fact I'm going to nominate this for March 2005's Hall of Fame. My first ever nomination...

    I really connected with this... Could really feel the effort, the feeling and the writing. It wasn't just a hollow piece... I could feel it. The vocabulary was very good and the subject matter was also very good.

    There isn't much I can fault... Perhaps the lines were slightly stretched... But this did not really make the piece worse. The rhetorical questions provided an interesting twist also to this making it different than your standard piece. You used an interesting rhyming style also...

    I don't particularly want to get into the technicalities of this because the content is what matters... You conveyed it well and wrote with an individual style that seperates you from others.

    Very nice piece... If you could check out "Conspiracy ft. Born to Kill" in my sig I'd appreciate it.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  5. #5
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    This was seriously genious.Jesus this killed anything I've ever wrote seriously.
    I actually learned alot from this peice.So you've actually inspired me to write better.
    Thanks and good job.

  6. #6
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Thanks for the feedback..

    up..

    pz..

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    exelent rhyming skills for a start......uhm and suspensefuly interesting...
    a couple of lines seemed to have maybe just one word too many to keep the flow going tite...

    could of maybe done with a hook and another maybe shorter verse to make this a classic script of substance...

    i prolly woulda add a word to the first lie like

    take a glimpse scroll back through the immense scriptures

    nice stuff tho stay up

    peep this-

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=208003
    .................................................. ......................

  8. #8
    Banned
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    In every Nook or Cranny that Hip-Hop has 2 offer. In the souls of the lost soul-jahs that came before us. In Hip-hop itself
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    i was ok but elvate some

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