Locksmith.

[Maven.]

I'm trying to wrap my head, skull & fear around this mindblock
`cause my springtime snowstorm theories are as empty as the sidewalks
I've tried locks before, but stray missiles always broke in
and now I'm twistin`, hopin` that my mind is gonna open
...waiting for the clicks of combinations I forgot
punchin` walls when temper's hot and cold knuckles feel so soft
and I'm not a Locksmith who has doors open to him always
Three of mine are closed; One leads down an endless hallway
where the lights are dim & murky...but the love is strong & fast
another leads into the past that wasn't wrong enough to last
as long as I thought it would...I could remain remorseful,
but I'm resourceful! Yeah, but I can't bust open this door still.
This last shut door is my only wish of penetration,
Because on the other side lies my former inspiration
and I'm patient...but this craving always leaves me wanting more
I guess for now my writing flows to me from the crack beneath the door?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=181571
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...1&page=1&pp=15

Learning to write again =)
Be Well.

[Cels]

lol.. it hurts my brain + my eyes to sit and try to concentrate on reading this at 3 30 am

Bug me on aim tommorrow and I'll edit this with some dope feed maven

*goes to sleep*

[Dan Dare]

You are a very interesting abstract writer, with some great ideas, but I can see the struggle that you are having, 'learning to write again.' Really nice piece though, generally. I'd just like you to draw conclusions from your observations more often, it will help your writing in the long run. I don't know, it just seems - unfinished, like you need to connect your ideas better. But it read good nonetheless.

Get at me on AIM for a collab if you want to - jekyllwaltz is the name. I'm trying to collab with some more well known writers, build my 'rep' so to speak, could be good for both of us. Stay cool.

[spokenoh]

I was really disappointed when you dropped out of SS, I was dying to write against you.

Anyways. I liked this, and I just had this eerie feeling like I have seen this before. The metaphor for doors was good, and your sentence structures made it fluent to read, except for the last line which felt a syllable too long. That is just being picky though. Your diction and word choices were excellent, and the word choices are something I feel you sort of needed improvement in before. But here, all is well. Anyways, you know you are a good writer, so keep writing and help shape this section to what it used to be. Take care. Peace.

[AL CAPONE]

Yo that was another hot verse by maven yall this guy is fire just work more on flow and tha verse would have been mad good i really liked ur approach to ur lines so keep up tha good work overall rate-9.0/10

PLZ VOTE ON MY BATTLES ON BOTTOM OF MY SIG THNX

[Foreshadow]

Real nice drop maven.. I'm feeling the first 2 lines alot..

[Maven.]

yay for real feedback! It's much appreciated.

Up?

[Mc_Pt]

i like it alot most of key words got
to my head.

[Maven.]

superman.

[warchild]

This was a nice verse it was different thats why i liked it was a good short story. The structure and vocab were fine you could work on the flow so the rhymes sound better and smoother.
There was good imagination and imagery in the verse thats what made the verse hot so im looking forward to your next post.

Can you reply to these:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180994
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182306