A Mother's Love Is Her Pain
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I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock,
It's 6:30, I got to start early,
Jump out of the bed in a hurry.
Soak up a moment of reflection,
Of why this had to happen,
And how shocked I was when I first read his rappings.
I never had a respect for that music before,
But I'd never seen someone like him do it before.
I didn't know that it could be good,
And bring positive..
Influences to people,
In the fight against evil.
Proceed to the bathroom,
Brush my hair, fix it,
Put my contacts in my eyes,
And stand still, listen..
To the silence placed upon my home,
Even though I'm with 3 others,
I feel all alone.
Abandoned by a higher power,
In this hour,
I have no care of anything,
But many things..
Still linger in my thoughts,
As I tighten the buckle on my waist,
I feel the need to get out of this place.
The demeanor of my family is cold,
Even though it just passed,
We all feel like death is still close.
As I approach the door to my room,
I'm stricken with gloom,
Bare walls, house empty,
I'm not feeling in tune.
My love and I gather,
At the table to hold hands,
Kiss my daughter on the cheek,
Tell her to please stay strong when..
I can't be strong myself,
Cause 2 days ago I lost part of myself.
Usually my husband,
Would be entertaining himself,
But now he sits in the floor,
Crying over himself.
I feel like breaking down,
Feeling the roughness of the rug,
Rubbing on my face,
As I begin to pray.
I finish the prayer,
We all head out of the door,
Bundle up in the car,
Surrounded by silence some more.
I find a picture in the center,
That brings a tear to my eye,
Before now,
I've never really felt the fear to cry.
I know he can see what I do,
So I don't want to seem dumb,
Or stupid, even though that I really do feel useless.
Thirty minutes later we're reaching our destination,
At this point,
I really wish that I would have made them..
Moments mean more,
If only he saw,
How much I thought of him,
And that I gave it my all.
I really feel forced,
To be put in this situation,
To be forced to talk to friends,
In this dead moment of grim..
Death, which has struck my family,
I never thought that we would part,
But I guess he had to leave.
It was part of God's plan,
In the bigger scheme of things,
Now I'm walking in the church,
My feelings just get worse.
I walk up the aisle,
See my mother on the left of me,
They can all see the pain,
That should truthfully be kept in me.
I walk by the audience that has witnessed my life,
Right up on the pew,
Peer down into the casket,
And what do I do?
Break down again,
And again and again,
Why did my little boy leave me?
I just do not comprehend.
But I make my way back to the seat,
Beside my love,
To watch what God has planned out,
From above.
I never really knew,
What this life would do to you,
Until the day I had to watch,
My own son's funeral..
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