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Thread: The Burden and The Grail

  1. #1

    The Burden and The Grail

    "Take my yoke upon you." Matthew 11:29
    'I will not drink again this product of the vine until I drink it new with you in the
    kingdom of my Father.' Matthew 26:29





    Iscariot, you took the yoke of Christ
    and bore it stoically, supernal bliss
    perhaps the aspiration that sufficed
    to keep you on the Way of Holiness.
    What swayed your loyalty? The serpent's hiss,
    scorning the Christly yoke as durance vile?
    Both vinegar and wine be due the press.
    Those who bear the burden share the grail.

    Pray, when you carried out your clever heist
    of poorbox monies, how did you dismiss
    the inward odium? And when you priced
    your honour with that final infamous
    transaction, tell us, how did you suppress
    the scream of conscience then? Or did you fail,
    so supped the devil's cup of emptiness?
    Those who bear the burden share the grail.

    Death spared you this: your Mentor sacrificed,
    suspended from a Roman nail; distress
    etched deep across his brow; acetum spiced
    with gall souring his blistered lip; duress
    bursting his heart; yet dredging strength to bless
    a penitent who shared the Roman pale.
    The final anguished cry. The black abyss.

    Those who bear His burden share His grail.
    Judas, you sealed him with a traitor's kiss
    and set the bar for ultimate betrayal.
    You traded for your coin a saint's address.
    Those who spurn the burden cede the grail.

  2. #2
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Coo..not my style....and I think a non religious person might
    not fully understand this....good thing I taught Sunday School
    This was good tho...my fav line was where you said Judas
    Took money instead of a trip to heaven....that was coo
    Keep droppin....
    A few achievements here and there

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! sNoopfox's Avatar
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    A nice piece here...
    To be be honest, im abit lost in my faith...is it true or is it not?


    give better feedback please
    -Lyric
    Last edited by Laureate; February 23rd, 2005 at 07:50 PM
    Gone. Like Dust.

  4. #4
    Nice. I liked the style of it.


    give better feedback please
    -Lyric

  5. #5
    Beautifully Decayed Mesmerize's Avatar
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    This was an interesting read. First off, it was different than most peices you see. The vocab, along with imagery and emotion was great. There were a few spelling errors in it, but no big deal, lol. I liked the concept to this also. The flow was pretty smooth as well. You kept my attention with every line of this. I can tell your a talented writer, Id like to see more from you. Keep it up
    btw are you an alias?

    peace,
    Mez

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    vocab: check
    flow: check
    rhyme scheme: check
    Concept:check
    originality:check
    metaphors:check

    hell nice piece

    bless this prayer poem for me G

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171015

    Give better feed
    -Lyric
    Last edited by Laureate; February 24th, 2005 at 02:23 PM

  7. #7
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    This was nice I read this at my house while you were posting it. I met this guy in a coffee shop like a week ago or something. But he happened to go to my school and man can he write. I thought that this was a real nice piece it had alot of great imagery and my fav line as well is the judas took money line.

  8. #8
    Thanks for the feedback.

  9. #9
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    this was good...

    different from most on the site...

    faith based...always a plus

    historicity is maintained throughout...

    nice meter and iamb spacing

    not that much for me to really mention...

    keep doing what you're doing...

    and check out the divine diction crew forum in the crews/ hook ups section...

    we're in new crews
    Bittersweet

  10. #10
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Uppin this for knawledge....

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