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Thread: ..............1st OM check it out..leave feed

  1. #1
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    ..............1st OM check it out..leave feed

    It's like my brain's got lips now, cos i just speak my mind
    the meanings of my rhymes are intricately hidden between the lines
    we ain't going nowhere,like we're sitting on wrecked see-saws
    convey messages to teach like school teachers for deaf people
    we don't touch on topics if we don't feel it
    voicing opinions if it's the voice of today's youth then so be it
    understand that we wanted to be respected
    so all eyes attention to me, if i kidnapped words i wouldn't take any of your rhymes, seriously
    hip hop ain't no hospital,so please don't test my patience
    I'm just tryna, say what i feel and hope you feel what i say
    and tryna portray what is real in the modern day
    it's like i'm hunting for birds cos my intention and purpose is to aim for the sky
    i can range from spitting battles to my theory on life
    school all you amateurs I had enough of you fakes
    So im about to put your eye balls on your lips So you can watch what you say
    all i read is negativity but it alwayz brings out the best in me
    A heavy weight MC so dont take my lightly imma spittin hard
    coz Im sick of these rhymers, i mean sick of these liars
    Id rather listen to sixty minutes of silence
    i dont need an alliance coz im riding with old skool tyrants
    I’m exquisite with the pen man ship that’s illest with the flow
    My sentence is frozen justice like innocent people on death row

  2. #2
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    Tell me wahut u think of it...1st one ever.......ive been makin this for long time...

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    first two lines are tight, they suck ya in but u lost me on the rest . i dont think i read it right cuz of ur crazy ass blue font. shit hurtz my eyez.

  4. #4
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    lol.........

  5. #5
    The Drama Club
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    Good for first time...some things didnt rhyme which i didnt like but for a firsttime it was good keep it up
    Life Is 10% What Happens To You;
    90% How You React To It.

  6. #6
    Nation
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    need to work on the strucure a bit, definetly re-word some stuff, but it was ok keep droppin man!

  7. #7
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    thanx man.......many more will be come............

  8. #8
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    anyone else want to leave feed???????????????or advice

  9. #9
    GED tha team Lil Cap0ne's Avatar
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    that font hurt me eyes lol

    overall good job sum words didint ryme. but just work on your sturcute and flow


    GJ

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    [YOUTUBE]e5jlLl0JU04[/YOUTUBE]

  10. #10
    Vomit lyrically_insane's Avatar
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    yeah aight drop homie,didnt lke tha werds dat didnt rhyme but othawise straight drop.....
    VERBAL INTERCOURSE

  11. #11
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  12. #12
    You're first two lines were real hot, something that kinda sticks in your mind.
    But the rest desperately lacked, some words didnt rhyme and it was like you put them there and forgot about it.
    Overall, this truly was a poor piece, but that first bar really showed your potential, keep dropping, you're should to elevate well.

    Check My Piece
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172564

  13. #13
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    You had some good ideas, with the wordplay you put in the verse. Your flow needs work, lines in the middle were stretched. You had some good vocab scattered throughout, keep that up. You might want to structure your verses better, so that its easier to follow the rhyme scheme.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172439

  14. #14
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    This was alright, Pretty good for you 1st open mic....did a lot better than most do on their first thats for sure lol...looked like you had some multies in the beginning of the verse which was good should try to carry them out through the whole thing if you can..Vocab was alright in this i thought...The flow was ok, i had no problem following along with this when i was reading it, alittle sketchy a few parts but other than that nothing bad..but overall this was alright man...Keep at it and get those 2 links

  15. #15

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