...Photography...

[Awaken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168881
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168884
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168832
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168810
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168754
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168895
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168543
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168784
I Expect Atleast 8 Replies.

Title - Photography
Author - Awaken

As I, open the gates, not knowing death will await
Rearrange the bills I must pay, the checks have escaped
I walk briskly towards the counter, not paying attention
I lift my head, and focus my eyes on the beautiful clerk
Her eyes caught mine, caused love's pain, even my cuticle's hurt
As our passion fuedily stirred, hell entered, and it's abusively beserk
The doors behind us opened rapidly, and one man entered
Security guard waved his gun, but the man torched this defender
Everyone panicked as the gunman quickly controlled the room
Gunshots were fired, we hit the ground and patrolled under the fumes
Of the gun...so I lay here, face down, hands over my ears
Witnessing people dying, If I'm next, I'll look back on the years
So while I'm trembling with fear, the shooter grabs the girl
I rise to my feet, yell, and for the gunman, I hurled
Him across the room...grabbed his gun, ducked behind the counter
I was dazing off, the room spun, and the shots rang louder
So I stood up, only to notice there's a gun to my head
By a man with a vest on, with a few sticks of dynamite stuck to his chest
He pushed me back to the ground, and took away my gun
He fiercely said ''you shouldnt of done that'' and put the fun to the clerk's back
I noticed it was love at first sight, when he pulled the trigger twice
Death's grim was bright, so I follow through with my actions and fight
I raised to my feet, and flocked towards this devil
I'll die, not on his level, shit...he'll leave my body disheveled
Seemed like slow motion at first, my actions caused commotion to burst
As I reached this man, he pulled the trigger, don't remember anything after that
So I stand her, in this museum glancing at the painting titled ''No Aftermath''

[Dep!ct]

Alright, this was good Aseop...


Anyways... Overall this peice was really done well.

I liked how it flow'd and the content was right there.
Concept was intresting, and could have been dipped
into more, but it was still a worth-while read. Be sure
to check out my peices.

[p O e T i Q u E]

I like the flow and the concept. You could have made some more depth but hey im not complainin' cuz' i read tha whole thing! lol good drop tho, kid

[Awaken]

up.

[Novacain]

Yeh man, this was hot. Nice work

I really liked a few of your lines, some wer real attention getters for me. this is the type of piece i really like, something bordering on unique but not strange or just fucked up.
You told the story pretty well, it did seem a little confusing but once i caught the jist of it i was locked into reading the whole entire thing.
I think maybe it was a little short, dont be afraid to write big pieces, it helps the emotion flow and the imagery is always more indepth on a longer piece.
And if people dont care about it because its too long, fuck them, you wouldnt need there opinions.
Overall, very nice work

Im not gonna drop a link to my latest piece, because you've gave me more of enough feed in the past, thanks man

Kepp droppin fire,

peace

[Awaken]

thanks for the reply man....upppp for some more.

[Anemia]

Excellent. Really emotion felt. Loved the concept and the imagery involved. Loved the way it was like a story. Great structure and good flow. Overall this was pretty much a flawless piece with nothing wrong. If i could offer one suggestion it would be to incorporate a moral into this piece. Other than that there's nothing i can say except good things. well done. should be up for a nomination...
look for me.

[God.]

I liked this. I really felt the words you used, and I really believe that is just key to get your lyrics going right here. i enjoyed reading this piece. Ther rhymescheme towards the beginning went a lil weird for a second, but you put it back together, I think, man. Good job.

[Versifier]

Nice piece, it kept me reading.... you worded some parts great and it flowed well.
So while I'm trembling with fear, the shooter grabs the girl
I rise to my feet, yell, and for the gunman, I hurled
^Dope

[Awaken]

thanks for all the replies
uppin.

[aSap iLL]

This was a dope drop i was really feeling this , you had lota of emotions going into your drop, you had mad imagery and i liked that , you had lots feelings going into the drop and i like that you mad the reader feel like he wanted to keep on and read more.Your Rhyme sequence was good you had nice rhythm and everything was on key , nice drop man keep it up :thumsup:

[Awaken]

thanks
last upppp fuckers reply!

[Awaken]

out of all the replies i have given with a fucking HUGE paragraph, i should atleast get a few more.