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Thread: The Snatching

  1. #1
     
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    The Snatching

    Late One January Night, Walking Home Full Of Frieght
    Ive Been Scared, But This Was Escalted To A New Hieght
    The Shadows Seemed To Follow Me, They Moved With Me
    Passed The Jail, Heard Some Screems, At Least Im Free
    I Felt As If I Was Being Watched, About To Be Snatched
    I HAd Seen The Local News, " New Born Killer Has Hatched"
    But With Only A Few Minutes Left Till I Was Home
    I Passed A Percuiliar Looking Garden, Felt Haunted By The Gnome
    It Seemed To Wink At Me, But I Knew My Mind Was Playing Tricks
    Crumbling Houses Surrounded Me, Each One Covered By old Bricks
    A Car With Its Lights Off Pulled Up Beside Me, The Doors Opened
    Footsteps Behind Me, Noises Covered The Tracks And Everything Darkened


    I Was Thrown Into The Car And Left Wondering Where I Was Going
    I Knew Something Was Wrong, My Mind Was SLowing
    Everything Faded, What Was This Gas They Had Used
    It Reminded Me Of The Days, The Kid Next Door Was Abused
    The Ride Was Bumpy, Haunted And Seemed To Last Forever
    With So Much Freight Running Through Me, I Felt Under The Weather
    But I Knew I Had To Keep Going, Just For My Familys Sake
    What Had I Done, To Even Cause Any Of This Hate
    Not Being Able To Use My Sight, MY Vision Was Blurred
    As The Car Stopped, Lets Kill Him Was All I Heard


    They Dragged Me From The Car, Took Me Down Into A Room
    Pictures Were On The Wall, A Family, A Bride And Groom
    The Walls Were Old And Dusty, The Builidng Seemed Derilict
    Why Take Me, Why Was I Caught Up In This Conflict
    The Fire Was Burning, But The Room Was Still Ice Cold
    MY Heart Pounded, Not Being Able To Know What Was About To Unfold
    The Sitting Area Was Cold And Damp, The Chairs Were Ancient
    Wish I Didnt Visit My Nan Now, In Hospital As A Critical Patient
    The Carpet I Was Sat On Seemed Like It Was Blood Stained
    Pictures Of The Dead In My Mind, Was I About To Be Framed
    With My Fear Overuling Me, My Body Seemed To Be Disabled
    I Reached Out For The Candle, That Was Sat On The Round Table
    Noticed The Window Was Open, Tried To Compose A Plan
    Came Up With An Impossible Idea, But I Descide I Can
    Do It Was My Thought, But What If I Was To Weak And Got Caught
    Like Before They Had Said Theyd Kill Me, Or Id Be Severley Hurt


    I Got Up And Reached For The Window, The Floorboards Creeked
    What If They Were Out There I Thought, SO I Climbed And Peeked
    All Clear My Eyes Showed, So I Undone The Window Lock
    Heard A Ticking Noise, Turned Round To Find A Grandfather Clock
    The Door Seemed TO Open, My Mind Was Playinng Tricks Again
    I Thought To My Self I Musnt Be Caught, This Wasnt A Game
    Rememberd My Family At Home, Thats What SPurred Me On
    Cos What Would I Do, If They Knew I Had Gone
    The Window Flew Open, And I Knew THis Was My Chance
    A Escape Expert In THe Making, The World I Would Enhance
    Out I Climbed Into The Free World I Came, What Could I Say
    I Ran And I Ran, Got Home And Decided The Time Had Come To Repay..
    Last edited by Violent.; January 31st, 2005 at 02:58 PM

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    This was pretty good. There wasnt a clear meaning for why you were takin or even why you were out, but it had great imagery. It flowed nicely and the rhyme scheme was good except one time when you said this:

    "Do It Was My Thought, But What If I Was To Weak And Got Caught
    Like Before They Had Said Theyd Kill Me, Or Id Be Severley Hurt"


    Other then that this was good 8/10

  4. #4
    REAL
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    Btw.......i like that new avy and the sig to go with it

  5. #5
     
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    The Sitting Area Was Cold And Damp, The Chairs Were Ancient
    Wish I Didnt Visit My Nan Now, In Hospital As A Critical Patient


    tells u there y i was out

  6. #6
    Speech is my Hammer Hail the Vibe's Avatar
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    If this is true, then damn son that must suck. A lot of lines really made me see your "location".

    I'll edit those in later.

    But I'm leaving for a game, so I'll come back with more decent feedback homie.

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  7. #7
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    Shit I liked this piece a lot, came with a nice opener.

    The elevated to a new level scared.. Just fit so perfect, fuck anyone who hates this, its real good man.

    Forreal... Nice one.

    *reads again*

  8. #8
     
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    Thanks Up

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sylentz
    The Sitting Area Was Cold And Damp, The Chairs Were Ancient
    Wish I Didnt Visit My Nan Now, In Hospital As A Critical Patient


    tells u there y i was out
    oic that clears it up i must skimmed over it
    10/10

  10. #10
    sick thoughtz
    Guest
    this was pretty tight i liked the flow and the story was pretty kool 2 why dont you make a part 2 to this

  11. #11
     
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    Up And thanks For Feed

  12. #12
    Aye.Em.Pee. Amp's Avatar
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    This was nice.

    It had good structure and flow, and a nice, developed vocab.

    The name also fits the piece nicely, too.

    I liked all the descriptions and stuff, it really gave it a sense of...it helped it not be boring.

    Keep writing Sylentz.
    Musicians, Operating Business.

  13. #13
     
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    Up, Thanks For Feed

  14. #14
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    nice story,nice imagery, good vocab, no multis, sometigs that happened werent clear but this piece was tight never the less.keep droppin and elevatin.~1~


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  15. #15
     
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    up.......

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