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Thread: ~Inside the mind of a maniac~

  1. #1
    "fi-del"
    Guest

    ~Inside the mind of a maniac~

    ~inside the brain of a maniac~




    As i enter thru the nose, i see his first child hood thought's
    his dad beating his ma with empty bottles of port's
    Things seem distraught,like theres still missing peice's
    It seem's although since day one,hes been breathing in ether's
    I see his teacher's,they look @ him likes hes worthless
    Theres a cell sitting there asking,"do I really deserve this?"
    as I fold back a wall of skin,I get a huge shock
    I cant go any futher,as if it's a cerebellum road block
    Then I se another way round,it's a mental detour
    I pause for a minute,do i wanna see more?
    I catch my breath,continue to stride
    I see him in a situation,he's loosing his pride


    As I turn the next corner, I see the first cell of excitement
    It his 11th birthday he's overwellmed with enlightment
    folding back some more skin,to see what Ill find
    A big rush of hate's come's....Im now walking here blind
    I remind myself to mind my self
    This guy is classed as evil,no telling what his thoughts are like


    As I make it to the centre of his brain

    his blood pushe's into white cell's like hell
    the good side of his mind fight's while the negative prevail's
    taking over his mental reaction to certain curcumstances
    his eye's burn in hurtfull glance's of poverty
    he try's to think..."stay strong,dont let it bother me"
    but he grew up wanting to change it and be effective
    I see his writen screen play's,he's wishing he could direct it
    make it grow, connect it to the youth to be effective with the truth
    I see a memory of guy's allway's bringing down.
    As I walk past his ear's ,theres is a continuious ringing sound
    he's dreaming how he would ever make it to be signifigant
    I see his vision's of money and being treated magnificent
    he catche's a sent of sucess..he seen the rich,so why should he have less
    he has quest's to make or break it in his desired ocupation
    he still cant figure out why guy's fired upon an nation
    killing many when it was one man's word's that they heard
    he stired up a change reaction,worst than anything nuculear
    turns back to remember when he was just born
    since day one he know's he must thrust forward
    .....

    ~2kn~

    QUICK TOPICAL I DONE. ANY COMMENT'S WELCOME.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    YO
    This wasnt bad at all.
    fresh new concept, could've been better though.
    some parts just didnt fit well.
    I say if you take the whole maniac brain concept and re-work at it, you will get better results.
    but I aint knocking this peice though, it was pretty decent.
    Per Se
    "Fuck The He Say, She Say Shit"


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    So what can you do when boys is men
    Our self-image depends on the next man's scrimmage so I sin
    Cause thou shalt not kill, but I tried my best
    Left my fingerprints in his neck
    I never understand why brothers try to act up on one another
    But if the static is comin'
    Fool, you won't catch me runnin'

  4. #4
    REAL
    Join Date
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    35
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    Battle Record
    11-5
    this shit was hot man.........good flow, structure, vocab, rhyme scheme, i liked the topic and the words gave me a good vissual.........i liked this a lot.........stay up man 9/10

  5. #5
    REAL
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    755
    Battle Record
    11-5
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...1&page=1&pp=15
    hit this thread up man........^^^^^^^^^^^

  6. #6
    "fi-del"
    Guest
    thnx for the feed.
    ill check that link now.

    ^************************************^

  7. #7
    Pretty decent.

    The rhyming lacked at times..
    But I liked the overall style to the topic...
    Your thoughts were nicely portrayed..

    *Applauds*
    The Composition...

    Poetry

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  8. #8
    "fi-del"
    Guest
    thanks for the feed

    ^******************************^

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