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Thread: Fighting The Clock

  1. #1
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    Fighting The Clock

    "Fighting The Clock"

    .
    :
    :
    The second hand is circling; waving at me, and they’ve set ‘snares,’ out to catch me
    The round frame of this drum swallows my soul, and spits it right back out at me -
    Somehow I feel like; I have nothing left to live, hours left to adorn and break the dawn
    My waking hours are consumed by what I can only assume to be the annals of scorn -
    I’m depressed man, aint no second way about it, and my measure - I doubt it’s torn.
    The way I look at the world is distorted, worn; I’ve got barely seconds, minutes more.
    And meeting deadlines is my only port of call – sailing toward a cut-off, an acidic shore
    Time is only on your side when you’re on the other side; I’ll collide with these here doors
    The gates of heaven are shut; minutes before I ascend, I am cast down forever more…
    …..

    “The Early bird catches the worm” - But that worm that got up early – still gets eaten.
    The Worm that gets up late is determined not to be food for the skies, nor to be beaten.
    The clock is running me down and, I can think of no way to stomach it’s dim banality
    I’m committed to die a timely death tonight, in a timely palace of bittersweet finality
    Alarm bells will ring out, time will devour me, I am fleeing vexed from the now present.
    Because what I can achieve in half an hour see - that right there is verbal effervescence
    I have no cover to run behind peasant – I go by just evanescent glimpses of paradise
    It would be pleasant to see that torture chamber burned, even hell’s entry has a price.
    I am fighting the clock that is saying it has earned…..
    …..the right to dictate life, from myriad chances of dice

    :
    :
    :
    Last edited by Dan Dare; December 23rd, 2004 at 07:02 AM
    ...

  2. #2
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    Last edited by Dan Dare; December 23rd, 2004 at 07:59 AM
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  3. #3
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    wow man i really liked that.. thought it was deep, n also dope.. i like ur vocab n ur rhyming scheme.. ur poetry is nice man keep it up.. sounds good..

  4. #4
    The True Psycho of RB
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    the structure was good the flow was nice, there was deep emotion in the lyrics some nice lines thrown in there, the worm line was good, overall it was a really tight post.
    reply 2 my last post.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161927

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    up.
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  6. #6
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  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    that sounded really depressing not really my style but it was a good piece
    good vocab really good rhyme scheme and flow
    u should make get a beat to go with that.....however it would have to be a real slow beat or if u can rap really fast you could fit it into like a 3 second snare
    thats what im doing on my rap that you looked at earlier
    by the way thx for the feedback

    n e way good post keep it up and you should look into makin a demo or something but try to write a few happier songs on it or something u cant allways be depressed

    but if your only a writer in your not interested in rapping what your write......then jus keep up the good work

    pc

  8. #8
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    nice topic and pretty well written to boot. strong vocab and a lot of obscure imagery which took close examination. the lines did seemed stretched and some multi's would've helped the flow. but this is still a strong piece overall. good work.

    keep posting.

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  9. #9
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    It was written to a beat, but you're right, it was quite a slow beat. I think the tempo was in like 75 bpm, most are closer to 95 bpm... and oh, I am always depressed, but yeah, thanks for reading cats.

    upping.
    ...

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  11. #11
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    eh its not my style but that makes me like it more great drop. i liked the structer too. good shit

  12. #12
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Good vocab, especially in the second verse. The worm line was deep. If you're comfortable doing the more depressing stuff, don't change for haters.

  13. #13
    GED tha team Lil Cap0ne's Avatar
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    wow very ncie job that was really deep man that sum tight stuff man very good job keep it up

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    thanks.
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