Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Potassium and Viagra.
A Lazarus Potion of my own creation in the hopes
of raising the dead.
Once a wizard with the libidinous appetency of a
Tasmanian Devil in heat, now my rig won't pump oil.
(If ya know what I mean)
I've tried dried mushrooms, clams, Kama Sutra oils,
and various creams.
Light years past my prime,
nearly hopeless it would seem.
Testosterone, replaced with...... Vicodin.
(Still horny, but now I don't care)
The burning sensation in my lower extremities
comes NOT from
a cute little ass,
but too much chili, not enough fiber,
my sex life runs on gas!
One night (1992) over tacos,
my wife asked if I wanted sex.
I said, "No thanks. Three's enough."
She looked at me perplexed.
I've tried getting a grip on things but
gave myself whiplash and a dislocated Rotator Cuff.
My doctor asked what happened.
I told him I was on the back nine and somewhere between my
up-swing
and my down-stroke, my grip slipped.
(I don't think he went for it)
So anyway, my wife asked again if I'd like to roll in the hay.
This was just last year.
With my new hearing aid and her new megaphone
she came in loud and clear.
Everything was going fine, when just before she climaxed, she let out with
a bone-chilling scream,
dug her nails into my back,
quivered violently,
and passed out.
Of course, I was elated, filled with jubilation
and quite proud of myself for still having the old zing-a-ding-ding.
Then I realized, my knee had crushed the air hose to her oxygen
tank.
I wondered why she was turning blue and foaming at the mouth,
but didn't dwell on it...in my state of mind.
I'm alone now.
A real pisser.
I miss'er,
but my shoulder's healed and my golf game's improved.
(If ya know what I mean)
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