The Working Man Blues...

[Born To Kill]

The Working Man Blues

Yo, Secretary…
Please hold every one of my calls, just tell em I died…
Cuz I’m breaking free of these walls and need to step outside.
They’re closing in on me, so I’m feeling compression…
Cuz life between an office and a wife just leads to depression.
Both of em have me racked, pulling me in two directions…
So it’s hell on a cat’s back, not to mention his erection.
Got me going soft, not literally, but, way down deep…
Cuz now my one and only thought is getting me some…sleep.
Used to chase the pussy, but now I’m way too tired…
Working all these projects, trying to not get fired.
It’s deadline after deadline, which leaves me close to flatlined…
Cuz I meet every single one of em, but barely have time to rhyme.
So I’ll never drop my masterpiece, I don’t get a Blueprint…
I’m a punk who never feels lucky, so fuck, I oughta sue Clint.
Due rent, or mortgage, whatever the fuck owners pay…
I just know it drains my money storage, different month, same day.
Fuckin daycare and diapers, food for the household…
My job provides for all this, every morsel and mouthful.
But it sure as hell taxes, my weekend off won’t prevail…
And stop sending me those faxes, ain’t ya heard of e-mail?
Fuckin snail…so slow is life, who the fuck says it flies?
Seems ya hafta be having fun for it to pass in the blink of an eye.
So slowly I’ll die, prolly sitting here at this desk…
Worried bout a deadline till I’m hit with cardiac arrest.
For giving my best, finding work for cats who ain’t got it…
So they all feel blessed after I complete and finish my projects.
But I don’t, maybe my soul does, for helping someone better…
Their life’s situation, yet I’ve gotten no “thank you” letters.
So I sit with a scowl feeling foul, knowing I hate this…
But the curse could be worse, at least I’m on day shift.
Could be kicking graveyard, never seeing the sun…
Looking at Christmas Day cards and all they’re scenes of fun.
Knowing when I get home, I’ll sleep on my family…
But that’d probably sooth my dome and allow some time for me.
But it’s not meant to be, I’m not relaxing, it seems…
Cuz I’m working 8 to 5 and only vacationing in dreams.

[Born To Kill]

Evil Joey - Close Encounter

Glory - Legends Material

[Cinquix Incision]

nice it was hot, nice structure and real good vocab...i like it, and it was also deep......

nice

[Laureate]

coo basic drop here BTK....the eastwood allusion made me
chuckle....I can't relate, cause I'm not working in an office
(not sure if you are and this is personal or jus written to
be written) rhyme scheme was simple....yup...decent piece

[spokenoh]

Eh.

I am Canadian.

This was a pretty refreshing read, something new and creative to the Open Mic section. We need more originality like this for topicals to resurrect and become it's former glory.
I liked how you really improved your rhymescheme in this. Usually, you tend to have a simple rhymescheme but here, you had a very intricate rhyming pattern, with internals and multies inside to help make the flow very smooth. I think how the lines were so nice in transitioning, this added to the feeling of hopelessness - of just everything consuming you and just releasing everything.
I think how you began this with the secretary line was a dope way to start off. This all transcended well, as you unleashed bottled emotions and a placid attitude in abrupting with the hectic schedule of people nowadays. I have seen Eyedea and Slug do this style many before, but you brought a humourous version of your own personal life-neglect with some witty lines...
"Cuz life between an office and a wife just leads to depression.
Both of em have me racked, pulling me in two directions…
So it’s hell on a cat’s back, not to mention his erection.
Got me going soft, not literally, but, way down deep…
Cuz now my one and only thought is getting me some…sleep"

Good lines like those. You seemed to lack some of the emotion and illness as it got around 3 fourths through this, and the ending was okay. Some minor details, I think you could have made this deeper and more introspectful, but this was still quite good.

By the way - did I tell you I was Canadian?
LOL, good stuff here and Peace.

[Born To Kill]

Oragami rules...

Yeah, I've really tried to pick up my flow.

Thank you for noticing and liking the piece, man.

[djb]

damn i don't know why legends are always being slept on. damn kids. its a shame. i really liked this piece. you had a great rhyme scheme i really felt that. your syllable count was on. your imagery was there and it was a really oringinal piece. i have never read anything like this before. good job man i like the creativity and skill.

please return the favor and drop feed on my om
my open mic:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=157951

[Fel#ny]

Nice drop BTK... i really felt this piece the emotion gripped ya from the start and the vocab and content really helped the cause... keep reppin boy.
PEACE

[Fable]

Tight drop....ya had good use of multies and ya flow was on point...it was also deep even though I cant relate but you still managed to convay the feeling