...The End

[Laureate]

…The End

Chasms have been breached, seizing lost spirits underneath
Life is utterly incomplete, because diplomacy took a back seat
Lightning splits the sky, ripping heaven and earth at its seams
Frightened souls begin to cry, crippling the birth of new dreams
Everything is utterly deserted, piles of rubble is all that’s left
World’s population is zero, after we flirted with the kiss of death
Land is scorched with fire, burning with mans desire for power
Sand covers up the expired, No one left to count our worst hour…

Flashback 2 years in the past, World War III is in its prime
United States struggling to survive, as well as their allies
Winning was the only priority, losing just wasn’t plausible
We pleaded to authorities, end this war as quick as possible
So many troops were dying, and so many barely surviving
President torn between decisions, finally agreed to complying
Signed documents approving a strike, determined to destroy enemy nations
The immense pressure caused complications, no time for calculations
20 missiles were launched simultaneously, North Korea was the destination
But they launched a counter attack, everything they had in reservation…
Sky is spotted with our doom, as immanent destruction looms
Craters consume the bodies, forming deep massive tombs…

The eye of the storm looks peaceful, but nothing stirs below
Glass lakes undisturbed, covering up drowned out sorrow
Violence cut off life’s flow, meaningless apologies turned to dust
We raced for our lives, until the newest technology caught up
Greed’s hunger has been fed, Nuclear weapons in massive portions
Seeds of life are now dead, hate gave humanity an abortion
Death is thick in the air, blood has deluded the once blue sky
I violet haze sets in, surrounding the ever watching eye
Finally the world is at peace, but no one able to enjoy this
We were given a chance to live, and ended up destroying it
Nations had weapons to blow the world…
…a million times over with one touch
So much extra firepower, when only once was more than enough

[Bounce]

You know what I think man, this was a damn solid drop on your part! Shit I might even drop my WOP verse in here, atleast it will get some looks.

[Laureate]

Thanks Bounce...much appreciated

Links:
Pinacle's "Illustrated Death - Artistry to Dye "

Untitled I (ft. Adament)

[Willy B]

yo nice drop man real crisp nice vocab flow everythin jus came together on that one bro

[Laureate]

boooooo^

Anyone wanna give me some real critique?

[Laureate]

I added the picture that I wrote this to

[Laureate]

please? I know I've dropped a few links

[Egeria]

Only critique is that a few lines were a bit out of place with your rhyme scheme, otherwise solid work. Liked your use of metas and of course your ever-vivid setting description; enthralling as always. Already mentioned about the "but vs. and" usage before, so no need to re-state that...thanks for leavin the image; it helped give a basis for your topic.
You always have so much to offer in all of your pieces, it's really a magnificent thing to see. Keep it up

[Verse~A~Tile]

that shit was awesome, everything bout it was good especially the vocab and multis. good work man. return the favor at mine, The Hardest Heart.

[spokenoh]

Good shit.

Good, working flow. Flow was always consistent, and I liked how it sped up with tempo switches. I could play a beat in my head and flow perfectly to this.
Good emotion, good imagery. Nice to see both of those become more regular in your work, which shows maturity as a writer. Good transitions, whatever, all good.
Metaphors were plentiful and advanced:
"The eye of the storm looks peaceful, but nothing stirs below
Glass lakes undisturbed, covering up drowned out sorrow
Violence cut off life’s flow, meaningless apologies turned to dust
We raced for our lives, until the newest technology caught up
Greed’s hunger has been fed, Nuclear weapons in massive portions
Seeds of life are now dead, hate gave humanity an abortion"

Good comparisons and it painted a vivid picture. Good shit here. Peace.

[Swift Death]

hmmmm nothing i can reall critisize on this one... its damn good.... i was feeling it the whoile way through and loved it... maybe a couple lines that didint fit too well but other than it was amazing... nice work...

[Illus']

Dammmmmmmmmmmmmnnnn...


Lovely beginning to a dope ending.
Nice drop fam, really nice drop.
Structure , flow , imagery , and
emotion was all there. You took a
picture and wrote what you felt
discriptive. Nice vocabulary...Favorite
lines..

"Chasms have been breached, seizing lost spirits underneath
Life is utterly incomplete, because diplomacy took a back seat"

The first line captured my attention then
it followed.

"I violet haze sets in, surrounding the ever watching eye
Finally the world is at peace, but no one able to enjoy this
We were given a chance to live, and ended up destroying it
Nations had weapons to blow the world…
…a million times over with one touch
So much extra firepower, when only once was more than enough"

Nicely done nice imagery. Discriptive.

I have to shake your hand
for a very dope piece here.
Hey man I must admit you
are definitely elevating in
topicals and are a much
better writer then I.
Way better..


Peace.

[Laureate]

Your too modest Bio lol...thanks for the replies

[PostmorteM]

Vote - Hall Of Fame...get one of our IJL d/r to do it..

You came most specifically nice with the imagery and detail...you are byfar one of the best at that on this site, but your story & emotion still need a bit of work...vocabulary and flow was nice...and here's the best part..

The eye of the storm looks peaceful, but nothing stirs below
Glass lakes undisturbed, covering up drowned out sorrow
Violence cut off life’s flow, meaningless apologies turned to dust
We raced for our lives, until the newest technology caught up
Greed’s hunger has been fed, Nuclear weapons in massive portions
Seeds of life are now dead, hate gave humanity an abortion
Death is thick in the air, blood has deluded the once blue sky
I violet haze sets in, surrounding the ever watching eye
Finally the world is at peace, but no one able to enjoy this
We were given a chance to live, and ended up destroying it

^Dope...glass lakes line was a nice touch...your references to nature's take on the impact of war was nice and you gave a dope setting and feeling of actually being there...


BreakDown
Vocabulary - Very Good
Imagery - Excellent
Structure - Very Good
Originality - Very Good
Emotion - Good
Overall:
Nice read without a doubt, and Iam not surprised it pulled you the win in the WOP tourney...you came nicely with this verse and you gave vivid descriptions and detail to put the reader in that area...and most of your story gave a nice vibe of why Bush was reelected even if some disagree...


Rating:
8.5/10

[Kaotic Theory]

omg....this was dope and creative man
the imagery was good,the emotion was okay,man the word choice was beautiful dawg,aswell was the structure even tho it doesnt matter to much...it was clean however,this was deep and dope to m.can't stop reading this...god job man