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Thread: Untitled I (ft. Adamant)

  1. #1
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    Untitled I (ft. Adamant)

    adamant
    kerr


    truth is something we desire, not something we want to hear
    picking apart pieces with plyers, the image still isn't clear
    a distant pier where we sit, talking things over with the world
    with the same passion obtained by boys and girls
    but the poison swirls complacent amidst my personal space
    the surrounding fog accumulates dread and it's waste
    and pleasant's a place though im not sure where to find it
    the mountains peaks shadow far too high to climb it
    yet still i'm reminded of the tracks that lay behind me
    with rays of sunlight at glance protest the undwinding
    rhyming the portrait of life,i was commisioned by the sky
    affected by the wrath of tears caused by lies
    i wish i could pause those times, where i wasnt quite certain
    concealing rejection configuring myself to be the right person
    for i was first in, line but denied, defined as over anxious
    admitted to the devil's vast amount of untreated patients
    patience defeated i retreated to wait in, the warmth of tomorrow's glow
    kissing away sorrow, with the spring i blossom and grow
    but a rose by any other name still retains the thorn
    it pricks the fabric, torn, another creation unfourtate to be mourned
    to be sworn to someone is a promise not many feel like keeping
    the dreams tarnished as the trees droop to their weepings
    yeah leaving is hard to do, though staying is even harder
    i've looked back and forward, stranded, in need of a partner
    the heart's worse than an annoying friend, the pins trapped inside you
    the feelings untititled, a script improvises the contemplation that i do

  2. #2
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    Last edited by Thrust; November 9th, 2004 at 10:11 PM

  3. #3
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    This was nice. The flow was flawless & I liked the easy transition from line to line...I thought the wording was good too..nothing seemed too awkward to me...it seemed to me like you two were just...rambling..or venting..which isn't a bad thing, unless you tried to give it a concrete title, which you didnt, so nice job

    i wish i could pause those times, where i wasnt quite certain
    concealing rejection configuring myself to be the right person
    for i was first in, line but denied, defined as over anxious
    admitted to the devil's vast amount of untreated patients
    patience defeated i retreated to wait in, the warmth of tomorrow's glow
    kissing away sorrow, with the spring i blossom and grow
    but a rose by any other name still retains the thorn
    it pricks the fabric, torn, another creation unfourtate to be mourned
    to be sworn to someone is a promise not many feel like keeping
    the dreams tarnished as the trees droop to their weepings
    yeah leaving is hard to do, though staying is even harder
    i've looked back and forward, stranded, in need of a partner
    the heart's worse than an annoying friend, the pins trapped inside you
    the feelings untititled, a script improvises the contemplation that i do
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    I thought that was pretty dope. Keep Writing.
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  4. #4
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    yup...it's the reason why i named it Untititled
    just a cypher we put together

    thanks for the reply, many more would be appreciated

  5. #5
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    pretty nice stuff - at the top I was feeling Adamant's lines more but Kerr had some nice ones as well:

    admitted to the devil's vast amount of untreated patients

    and pleasant's a place though im not sure where to find it

    but a rose by any other name still retains the thorn

    ^nice lines - a few more I didn't mention - nice kinda abstract rambling - keep at it - peace

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    Hence Forward

  6. #6
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Nicely done....yall compliment eachother's styles very well...this an AIM cypher?
    Anyway...it was nice how when Kerr started a bar, Adament would complete it by not only rhyming the last word, but middle words as well...that=dope....this piece had emotion....and thats a compliment in itself considering its harder to show emotion when 2 people are writing....great drop fellas
    A few achievements here and there

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  7. #7
     
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    thanks to everyone who replied, it's much appreciated
    ...

  8. #8
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    don't stop, reply baby.

  9. #9
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    a couple more replies would be fine.

  10. #10
    MetaTone
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    Rhyming was nice, some good quotable lines and I was able to enjoy it the whole way through without getting bored. But having said that, the direction of the peice seemed to lead nowhere. I ofcoarse started not knowing what it was about, and unfortunatly finished the same way. It was one of those things you can read the entire lot and still not know what the writer/s was trying to get across.

    That was its downfall, even though it was only a cypher.
    But good work to both, and keep at it.

    Peace.

  11. #11
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    this is one of the smoothest collabs i've ever read, the subject matter seemed like a stream of consciousness type of piece with strong vocab, stronger imagery and the occasional strong multi. one of the best pieces i've seen i quite some time, although the meaning was obscurce in places i guess thats why its called 'untitled i'.

    good work fella's, keep on posting.

    if you could rep one of mine in trturn, i'd appricaite it.

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  12. #12
    Beautifully Decayed Mesmerize's Avatar
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    This was great guys. I was really feeling it. You guys done a great job in keeping the style the same and the flow together. Vocab on both parts was nice also. I was really surprised with this cause i know how hard it is in keeping strong emotion, imagery and flow good when cyphering. Really, this is one of the best cyphers ive seen. I also liked the multis here and there and the transitions. Dope drop guys, hope to see more from ya.

    peace,
    Mez

  13. #13
    Charli Brown
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    All I have to say is A-1 yolafied real shizznit!!!!!!!!!C.B.

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