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Thread: why ??? need sum feedback

  1. September 27th, 2004, 02:02 PM #1
    street_Rydah
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    Post why ??? need sum feedback

    sumtimez i cry , i dunno why
    sumone tell me why all solja's gotta die
    fuck the goverment what they say is just a lie
    president of the usa , fuckin up the country erry day
    take a moment of silence and let us pray
    this goes out to all fallen youngsta's down irak
    not enuff experience to fight in the frontline attack
    all soljaz get ready to load your weapons
    didn't have the money to take college lessons
    parents gettin into deep depressions
    their kids got taken away , never gone see dem again
    livin in a world so dark lookin at nuthin but rain
    grip your hands together , let us burn sum candles
    if we stay together i am sure we can handle
    they were affraid to die on the battlefield
    our soljaz got used as a human shield
    you could see fear in their eyes
    they wont cry for one life ,they just wanted them to die
    NOW SUMONE TELL ME WHY
    IS THIS THE REASON WHY WE CRY


    never dropped 1 herre b4,but chcek it out...
    By Yvonne

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    ya do real shit , ya get real results
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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  2. September 27th, 2004, 03:11 PM #2
    Woogsta
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    Not badd mayn, enjoyed readin this. U elevated alot from ur first drop. The rhymes was a bit basic but i could follow it, and u spoke from the heart. Could feel emotion in it, could feel the story too. Flow was good, wasnt very creative but i enjoyed this anyways. Wasnt boring and long either.

    Nice one.

    1

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    Join the thoroughest crew on RB here.



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    On Vacation, Bitches.
  3. September 27th, 2004, 03:31 PM #3
    YunG Stunn
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    yea word up to dat faggot woogsta above me^ haha j/p dawg...but yo I enjoyed reading that shit...best of all it wasnt LONG or REPETETIVE nah mean. Shit gave me sum tingles readin it...I felt ur feelings in it thru da verse. Did u know sum1 who die in da war or suttin?

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    Gone For A While...Back Again
  4. September 27th, 2004, 04:10 PM #4
    street_Rydah
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    yea , my cuz died in a war
    ty ........ for the feedback

    uppin ...........

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    ya do real shit , ya get real results
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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  5. September 27th, 2004, 04:23 PM #5
    nothing
    Guest
    better than your first drop, might I suggest you are a tad more conservative with the pseudo-ebonic speech? That stuff comes in handy when you want to twist a word to slant rhyme but every other word being chopped to bits and re configured gets old.
    Definitely more substantial than your first drop, feels more like you are getting to know what your enemies are rather than putting out the "fuck shit up for the sake of it" vibe. Still the rhymes were basic and I was reminded of tupac's lullaby-cry-die-try rhyme he ov er used in his material.
    peace
  6. September 27th, 2004, 05:45 PM #6
    Chris Black
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    This was aight. Concept is very played. Work on more multies and internals. It will do wonders for your flow. Overall, this was averageish. Keep writing, homie.

    My Open Mic: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148031

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    axis powers
  7. September 27th, 2004, 05:58 PM #7
    street_Rydah
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    iight ...
    uppin ........ drop sum feedbacks

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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  8. September 28th, 2004, 02:01 PM #8
    street_Rydah
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    uppin
    c'mon drop feedbacks

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    ya do real shit , ya get real results
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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  9. September 28th, 2004, 06:17 PM #9
    noncentz
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    deffinate elivation from before work still a mi9ssing element i liked it alot it was a great read.
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..
  10. September 28th, 2004, 06:31 PM #10
    Se7eN
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    Not bad dawg, I liked it had good flow, emotion, and on topic, but u need to be doing topical battles, this would strike me as a topical potential but do wat ya want to....

    8/10
  11. September 29th, 2004, 05:00 PM #11
    street_Rydah
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    ty y'all
    ......... uppin
    need more feedback
    pz

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    ya do real shit , ya get real results
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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  12. September 29th, 2004, 05:07 PM #12
    H1MS3LF
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    Im not gonna say I liked this, because i didnt.
    But i also didnt hate it, so props to you Street Rydah.

    At first i thought you using the word 'Solja' was a way of say your 'friend' or 'homie' like Ive heard before, i was pleasently surprised of the way you used the word.

    Your best lines, in my eyes were...
    "they were affraid to die on the battlefield
    our soljaz got used as a human shield
    you could see fear in their eyes
    they wont cry for one life ,they just wanted them to die"... The last line kinda killed this part, but it had a place and it was there.

    Keep droppin Son.
    I WILL GET THROUGH TO YOU EVENTUALLY...
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  13. September 30th, 2004, 12:33 PM #13
    street_Rydah
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    ty bruh
    uppin .......
    need more feedback
    pz

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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  14. October 1st, 2004, 08:06 PM #14
    street_Rydah
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    upping
    wake up ppl
    read this & drop sum feedback
    ....... comon

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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  15. October 1st, 2004, 08:16 PM #15
    Bruce Wayne
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    that was good enjoyed reading ... overall nice drop
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