Holy Confession

[Tim]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143839
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143895


Sinner:
Father Forgive me for I have sinned
I try to think about how different it might have been
If I'd have spent a little time with the Guy
To try to find why but I was blind in these eyes that Cry


Priest:
Don't disquise the lie you're hiding from me my son
The Lord loves you, he died because He's the One
Who sees what's done, he's happy with Passion
To make Blasphemy absent if you ask him, so tell me exactlly what happened


Sinner:
It was actually back when I was only a child
I hadn't been to home in a while
Go and open my file, I was in the Hospital often
The Cops thought my Pops was a possible option
My Father was watchin me, strong it wasn't him
It was someone I probably was wrong for trustin then
I must've been just ten I had to bandage my knee
It was damaged and bleeding, he took advantage of me


Priest:
Did you manage to see, the person who did this
Or know his purpose of interest?


Sinner:
That's my personal buisness!
I need merciful wisdoms, that's why I came to Confession
So tame me with blessin' from my anger aggression
I was aimin my Wesson then considered it further


Priest:
Son, what was the sin you commited? -


Sinner:
-Murder!

I spit the burner and unloaded the clip
His head exploaded and ripped till it was opened and dripped
It was grosser then shit but I wanted him more dead
I poured led through the front of his fore head
And all the gore bled on the floor red


Priest:
Son, you know well you'll go to Hell, and jail's scary
You can't expect forgiveness by sayin Hail Mary
Sin prevail's rarely from the Culprit with in
And killin is the ultimate sin


Sinner:
YOU'RE FUCKING FULL OF SHIT FRIEND! HOW THE FUCK CAN IT BE WORSE THEN
TREATING A LITTLE BOY LIKE HE WASN'T A PERSON?
HE DOSEN'T DESERVE IT? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYIN TO SAY?
YOU SEE A KID CRY AND PRAY WISHING HE COULD FLY A WAY
WISHING HE DIED THAT DAY? HE USED TO BE SAFE
NOW HE'S GETTING ABUSED AND RAPED, LOOSIN HIS FAITH
HE'S BRUISED AND HE'S CHAIFED, CRYIN, BLEEDING AND HURT
BUT IF HE SPEAKS A WORD THE PERV WILL PUT HIM DEEP IN THE DIRT
DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU HEARD! SOME THINGS ARE MUCH WORSE
THEN GIVIN A FUCKING PERVERT WHAT HE DESERVED


Priest:
Have police gotten word? Are they askin away?


Sinner:
I can't actually say, this just happened to day


Priest:
Well, after you pray, here's what I want you to do
Let the Police decide the judgement for you
Serve your punishment through, then if you ever parole
Then give Jesus your heart, and give Heaven your soul
Forever your goal is just to praise him alone
Then adopt or have a baby you can raise on your own
Dedicate your life to just exist as a Dad
Give him everything you ever wish that you had
Teach him about Jesus, make him believe him
You took a life, you gotta give a life to break-even


Sinner:
That's all I gotta do to be clear from my sin?


Priest:
Yeah basically just stay and be sincere to your Kin


Sinner:
I hear you my friend, the game's intimidation
I seen people walk for this same situation
Like thier brain isint facin the resultin' consequence
Assumin every Human is full of Common Sense
So I owe you compliments, I aint afraid in the least
And by the way, he was a Priest


Preist:
Whoa wait!
What's the name of the deceased, are they findin it out?
What time did you kill him?


Sinner:
What time-is-it-now?


BANG! BANG!


Sinner:
You Fuckin Child Molester

....[.Euthanasia.]....

[bLaZin_InfeRnoL]

Yo, I'm feelin how you told this story within a scheme and kept it rhyming, nice, nice, nice...I felt like you made a bit to long, you know people don't have patience...It like a service at church a bit i get that feelin, that's good too, made me think about how I treated in the past and what not
but I like this stanza....
"I hear you my friend, the game's intimidation
I seen people walk for this same situation
Like thier brain isint facin the resultin' consequence
Assumin every Human is full of Common Sense
So I owe you compliments, I aint afraid in the least
And by the way, he was a Priest"

it stuck out to me.....

peAcE
>>return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=144176

[Steven William]

I don't know who you are never saw your work
but the way you wrote this was completly dope
the ending the twist was crazy as hell Im lovin'
the whole thing, imagery and all was there keep
it up and I'll be sure to look for more of your work

check my
Better Off Alone in OM

-SyaNidal

[Makkin]

damn...that stuff is deep. at first i thought it was gonna be some sort of cliched poem but then i started seeing the flow and the great use of vocab and word placement. and then the twist at the end...shit was deep man. this is the kind of stuff that requires intellegence, creativity, and inspiration. good job...it was worth reading every line.

[Foreshadow]

Damn Tim.. NiCe job with this you did a real good job with the detail and desCription in this pieCe.. I have also never seen any of your work before and your damn good and Im glad your in the Euth..

[Tim]

thanxs fam

[***DEST***]

dope as fuck man.. nice twist to it... lyrics were on point..this was a nice drop man...good wisdom

pz

[Tim]

thank you any more feedback??

[Escar]

Really good Tim. Ending was crazy, didn't expect it at all, nice twist, and it was really good how you worded the ending. Dope shit, imagery was good as well, story was nice too. Keep it up.

Peace

[Reeco]

Wow i agree this was very dope, i loved the way you potrayed the story to the reader, and the twist was unexpected!! good flow, nice vocab and use of multies....thought maybe the structure could of been improved, but thats about it!!

9.3/10

Keep it up man!!

pz

[Incineratedrose]

wow... that was mad great...i liked the "son whats the sin you commited"

"-MURDER"

that was crazy... but all the same.... i thought it was great... im glad i read this...\
i liked the closer too... good job with that...

[DALC]

structure is the only area i see for improvement

[Ace of Aces]

excellent piece right here. there were a few bits and pieces that could be touched up in this, mostly to do with wording and what not but other than that this piece killed. the whole read got me hooked. great way to end it, i kinda suspected a relation between priest and sinner but you convinced me that he already killed the rapist so that ending came outta nowhere basically, props on that man. keep writin like this, tight job.

peACE

[Tim]

thank you

more feed please leave links

[Charli Brown]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143839
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143895


Sinner:
Father Forgive me for I have sinned
I try to think about how different it might have been
If I'd have spent a little time with the Guy
To try to find why but I was blind in these eyes that Cry


Priest:
Don't disquise the lie you're hiding from me my son
The Lord loves you, he died because He's the One
Who sees what's done, he's happy with Passion
To make Blasphemy absent if you ask him, so tell me exactlly what happened


Sinner:
It was actually back when I was only a child
I hadn't been to home in a while
Go and open my file, I was in the Hospital often
The Cops thought my Pops was a possible option
My Father was watchin me, strong it wasn't him
It was someone I probably was wrong for trustin then
I must've been just ten I had to bandage my knee
It was damaged and bleeding, he took advantage of me


Priest:
Did you manage to see, the person who did this
Or know his purpose of interest?


Sinner:
That's my personal buisness!
I need merciful wisdoms, that's why I came to Confession
So tame me with blessin' from my anger aggression
I was aimin my Wesson then considered it further


Priest:
Son, what was the sin you commited? -


Sinner:
-Murder!

I spit the burner and unloaded the clip
His head exploaded and ripped till it was opened and dripped
It was grosser then shit but I wanted him more dead
I poured led through the front of his fore head
And all the gore bled on the floor red


Priest:
Son, you know well you'll go to Hell, and jail's scary
You can't expect forgiveness by sayin Hail Mary
Sin prevail's rarely from the Culprit with in
And killin is the ultimate sin


Sinner:
YOU'RE FUCKING FULL OF SHIT FRIEND! HOW THE FUCK CAN IT BE WORSE THEN
TREATING A LITTLE BOY LIKE HE WASN'T A PERSON?
HE DOSEN'T DESERVE IT? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYIN TO SAY?
YOU SEE A KID CRY AND PRAY WISHING HE COULD FLY A WAY
WISHING HE DIED THAT DAY? HE USED TO BE SAFE
NOW HE'S GETTING ABUSED AND RAPED, LOOSIN HIS FAITH
HE'S BRUISED AND HE'S CHAIFED, CRYIN, BLEEDING AND HURT
BUT IF HE SPEAKS A WORD THE PERV WILL PUT HIM DEEP IN THE DIRT
DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU HEARD! SOME THINGS ARE MUCH WORSE
THEN GIVIN A FUCKING PERVERT WHAT HE DESERVED


Priest:
Have police gotten word? Are they askin away?


Sinner:
I can't actually say, this just happened to day


Priest:
Well, after you pray, here's what I want you to do
Let the Police decide the judgement for you
Serve your punishment through, then if you ever parole
Then give Jesus your heart, and give Heaven your soul
Forever your goal is just to praise him alone
Then adopt or have a baby you can raise on your own
Dedicate your life to just exist as a Dad
Give him everything you ever wish that you had
Teach him about Jesus, make him believe him
You took a life, you gotta give a life to break-even


Sinner:
That's all I gotta do to be clear from my sin?


Priest:
Yeah basically just stay and be sincere to your Kin


Sinner:
I hear you my friend, the game's intimidation
I seen people walk for this same situation
Like thier brain isint facin the resultin' consequence
Assumin every Human is full of Common Sense
So I owe you compliments, I aint afraid in the least
And by the way, he was a Priest


Preist:
Whoa wait!
What's the name of the deceased, are they findin it out?
What time did you kill him?


Sinner:
What time-is-it-now?


BANG! BANG!


Sinner:
You Fuckin Child Molester

....[.Euthanasia.]....

that wuz a good topic raza, like the story n scenario.... n of corse the molester's burial C/S