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Thread: Bottled up inside(Credz, Fanta, Topic)

  1. #1
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    Bottled up inside(Credz, Fanta, Topic)

    Bottled up inside(Credz, Fanta, Topic)


    These emotions trickle down...deep inside my bleeding soul...
    Wanting to be bursting out...Keeping me from being whole...
    Tears of pain and fears of change...Stop me from letting out...
    But im here on knees from the pain and I'm begging now...
    As I look up to the sky..through the light..please god help me...
    But theres no call..as I fall..with this pain growing so wealthy...
    My heart beats with wrath...as i slowly stand one last time...
    Leaving a brutal path...to a vast find...that will contrast minds...
    They see me explode from the pressure of these bottled emotions...
    And with no motions...I stirred this commotion...with devotion...

    He still found love tho, But his love, was to much like him
    She was silent when it came to feelings

    White,white wedding, the pale blushing bride,
    With torment and anger hidden behind her false smile,
    Tearful emotions, memories bottled inside,
    Scars covered by dress tails, as she walks down the aisle,
    Hand in hand with the man that promised her a new life,
    An escape from the voices, she'd been hearing at night,
    A solution to crying, once he'd made her his wife,
    An alcohol fuelled maniac, when others were out of his sight,
    He forced her to surrender, and keep secret the bruises,
    That were all well deserved, as he explained in excuses,
    But it puzzled her, the hand that feeds and abuses,
    Could bring her to loves peak, while the pain still diffuses,
    To confused to let go, so the hurt she denied,
    And if friends saw the wounds, it became easy to lie,
    And she kept those foul feelings, all bottled inside,
    Put on a brave face, and never let tears quench her eyes.

    But the man, Was first to explode, and a few years after the wedding...

    A day makes his rage oh so furious
    But who would have guessed hes serious
    He drinks beer with us, a great sense of humor
    One time he even joked about having a tumor
    But his kids make him bluer, the way hes holdin his breath
    So at night he lays open eyed untill there arent thoughts left
    He tells us whats going on in his life...laughs over everything
    Like how his wifes PMSing
    You know the deal, and his ordeal
    But he pretends like nothings real
    And as time progressed, he noticed he was stressed
    Pulled his family together in a room and confessed
    Really, he didnt actully confess, he screamed
    He nit-picked at each member like in his dreams
    He always wondered what they mean., and now
    You can find him in the same house
    But where are his kids? Where is His wife?
    Where is every person that made up his life?
    Well with bottled up emotions, he exploded
    And impersonated the devil and floated
    Among the clouds as he drank away their souls
    And now he visits them in 3 very deep holes.
    Scytsophrenia

  2. #2
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    Credz said I didnt have to leave links on account he was in the collab
    Scytsophrenia

  3. #3
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    This was a decent collab I liked what Credz and Fanta wrote the most. Topic you did a real nice job but it was just blah to me. Your still dope I just wasnt feeling that much in this.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143025

  4. #4
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    oh word whoadsta's

  5. #5
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    This Was Tight As Fuk ...weres The Audio..definitly Worth Making Audio.... 3 Difrent Styles ..but They Seem Like They Can Flow Together So Well....

    Nice Drop...real Nice....


    Let Us Have The Audio...(hmm Does Credz Do Audio??)

  6. #6
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    shit your flow was flowin ok ummm well dope! ummm Sik ann hmmmm fuKin I'LL apart from that top marks and keep up the fiction.
    ohh 1 prob for me it was too long some sentences just had no action. but thats just me..........
    ..........peace............

    chek out a piece writt by me.

    Shinobi and Bruce Lee vs Method Man And Dr. Dre
    Last edited by AR-TIST; August 25th, 2004 at 09:01 AM

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    The first two (assuming Credz and Fanta) were good. I enjoyed Fanta's (second verse) the most. It seemed to flow more and had better structure. As for the third verse, I wasnt really feelin' it, Topic? Anyways I think it was good just the structure fucked the flow in a way for me on that last verse. The peice was dope though, props. -out

    return the favor if ya' get some time: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143295
    Last edited by The EYE; August 25th, 2004 at 07:46 PM

  8. #8
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    hee hee me and two dope heads! and i get the attention! hee hee i feel loved. Seriously though i loved all three verses, i didn't even know this was posted up yet. Lovity love love loved it!

    erm...can i vote this for om? i mean, sure i'm in it but so are other people? lmao...
    Def Poets

  9. #9
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    my favorite verse was the first. all were dope but that stood out, nice flow, nice multies. i guess you could say that i enjoyed this a lot. the meaning in this bled through the words. the entire thing about it captured me. excellent imagery and emotion. the meaning was very heartfelt. all ofya 3 done real good. much props on this piece. keep up the great work.

    hit mines up in return please, thanks.

    peace

  10. #10
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    thanks everyone
    Scytsophrenia

  11. #11
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    "And if friends saw the wounds, it became easy to lie," this line needs a syllable taken out and then the flow for the piece is almost flawless

    this was a good piece, the three styles blended together well, the third verse was lyrically the weakest, but was bolstered with a good ending...the piece overall was very good, i felt the imagery and the structure of all three verse...

    verse 1: was very good with a very good structure, obvious elevation is evident here, this was a good verse with a great flow and great content

    verse 2: was good, not much lost in the transition ( which itself was somewhat sloppy and i didn't like it) fromt he 1st to the 2nd...it was elevated as well...good flow, good structure, story continues...

    verse 3: most different, somewhat simpl rhyme scehme and structure but still a solid verse nonetheless...

    the piece overall was above average

    8.9/10
    Bittersweet

  12. #12
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    hmmmmm i wish i helped in this but things happen this was Tight man...

    Credz
    Multis every where like usual...ur structure is nice i like that i enjoyed your flow i i saw in Crew chat that it was a quick job...Rhyme scheme is Nice man ur getting real good....You Truely are the Multis King...nice drop..

    Fanta
    your verse was good i enjoyed your flow and thought u had a decent rhyme scheme...u can amaze me sometimes wtith ur written and u did it here...your flow was good with Credz and Topic With Out Really knowning wat there verses were gonna be like

    Topic
    Your getting dope man i enjoyed your verse the most....i think u had the most understanding of it because ur verse was Flowing the best ur structure was good and your Rhyme scheme is good too...Keep it up man..

    Nice collab Guys and Girl....keep them coming from all..

    pZ.

  13. #13
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    the story was added in there by I, neither of the two knew what eachothers verse would be but when I saw they had a perfect understanding of what to write, i added in the text. So its my fault for the sloppyness
    Scytsophrenia

  14. #14
    i skimmed the 1st two verses the third caught my eye a nwas the truth .. felt dat one most gone
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  15. #15
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    uppin this for us all!

    go C.V!
    Def Poets

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