Fatal Decision (SS verse)

[ILLunatic]

It's been a good while since i've dropped
Anyways, here's my verse in Sacred Scriptures vs Spit Fury
Here's some shit that only took me like 10 minutes....
....Haven't done this in a while, so i'm a bit rusty






I awoke from my sleep, with a smile on my face. And nothing else to say
And for the good mood I was in, little did I know my life would change today
As I went on like this was any average day. I did a step by step, daily routine
I ate breakfast, watched the news, then was off to work to do my weekly duty
4 hours later I was off to lunch, So I thought i'd stop and get coffee & a bagle
But little did I know, for the next 3 hours of work. I was going to be late though
As I was pouring my coffee, I heard a man say "Everybody get on the ground"
And in a very quick second, the next thing I heard was him shoot off a round
At that moment, everybody in the store, quickly went face down on the floor.
He got the money, and at the same moment. An officer was entering the store
The theif fired around at the cop but missed, and the cop went & called back up
And during that, a women was crying. So he shot her to proove he was that tough
And I thought, thats enough. Robbing the store is 1 thing, but shooting a woman
Then I asked myself, should I try to jump him as soon as he wasn't lookin
He then turned away, I grabbed my coffee. And proceeded to go behind him
Got 5 feet away, yelled out "HEY" and he turned around just in time to blind him
I threw the coffee in his face, and then grabbed the gun and pointed it up
We struggled for a bit, then he gave up and said his eyes burned and he had enough
As it happened, all the customers fled the from the store. Running for safety
And at that exact time, the incident would forever be something that changed me
As the police entered the store, they said "Good job, you're now a hero"........
..."But why did you do it, wasn't you terified, and scared with fear though?"
And I said "He shot a woman, I couldn't let it happen again". And he grin'd
And then I said "I just pray to the lord he is charged and punished for what he has did"
Later on that day, I was awarded an award. For making a fatal decision
But if I could, I would do it time after time again. Making my braveness a precision
And now, my life is forever changed. And I am now known for being brave
Because this day, is nothing like a day of my ordinary days.

[ILLunatic]

Link 1 - Bars of Doom
Link 2 - Rainfall....

[Born To Kill]

This was pretty good...

But where you saw more poetry in mine...

I see more of a story...book like...thing here.

In those long ass lines, mostly the only thing rhymed is the very last word.

Also, you were very meticulous in description of time...not a whole lot passed between lines and shit...it was almost like watching a movie the way you described the whole situation in real time.

So...

Good story, but to me, this was more of a story, short story type of drop.

Than a rap.

But entertaining and it kept my interest.

Peace

[t-west]

Yea...those where some long ass lines...as Born pointed out, this was more like a story instead of a rap. This was decent...Nothing really too creative with the topic...but the story was nice. I liked adding the woman in there. I would also like to see more writing techniques used in there...you know, foreshadowing, symbolism, etc...

Overall...decent drop.

[ILLunatic]

Thanks for feedback, this was just a quick 10 minute drop
Preseason of Sacred Scriptures. So eh, you know how it is.
Plus.. this the first time i've wrote in a few months... rusty

[Bloom.Quist]

Not bad.True the lines were long, so the rhyming wasn't all too great, but it didnt matter much. Emotion was played well throughout your story. Describing things nicely. All around a pretty decent piece. Well done for 10 mins.