A Raindrop...

[Nique.]

I'm a raindrop...



Exposed, aroused, and tensed as my composure extract my fear
Floating from clouds that condensed my moisture from the atmosphere
Estatic as I pierce through white creators; I'm frolic but swift
Attacking my peers, I fight to be favored in this bottomless pit
No stopping the wind; Increases the speed on this impaired range
I see my siblings being pinned by demon wings on airplanes
No fair game, I avoid the flying giant & continue my route
Despair & pain, see kin uniting and combining as spouse
Surprised but proud, amazed as the couple became a whole
Hear a defiant & loud sound vibrate and corrupt my flow
Speed became abrupt & slow, a crowd of clones swarming me
I weaved but was stuck in the show; We all fell in harmony
I calmly dropped unknowingly; Wondering whats the weather
Losing pleasure dodging smaller noisey things with feathers
They were stellar; Flocked together like a disciplined army
Weren't predators; Independent, but hoped they wouldn't harm me
Moved promptly, flying through us accidently murdering instantly
Realizing we died because of our disturbing invisibility
Moving eventually, noticing the bright circle fade behind the whites
Darkness slowly invades my sight; Was being betrayed by light
Wanted to slay the night, but I faintly see small objects appear
Hear rawkus I steer, gliding faster downward I feared..
Felt like years, I notice motor vehicles & street lights
Hoping that I will live, focused on beautiful scene sites
A bright beam light, shines on the streets and gutters
Closer and Closer....within time I ease on an umbrella
I freeze & shudder, watch as kin wither & dissapear
Believed it was over..I slithered & was inching near..
...the edge, I fall off a side, willing to be a soldier..
But hope was alive, my life spilled unto his shoulder
Down here its much colder...I was poised yet helpless
Wondered why beings wanted to avoid our presence..
What I see is pathetic; Boots, panchos, & jackets
Roofs and wipers; He hands this being his baggage
Enter a building, closes the umbrella, he nods & coughs..
Then says, "It's pouring out there" as he brushes me off
.....splat.


-Nique.

Replied to:
Play Boy-That Heart to his Girl Joint.
T-West-The Face Under the Skin.

[t-west]

Good lord...didn't think you could actually pull somethin' off like this...but dam...you did.

Great personification applied to a raindrop...It's a challenging thing to do to provide personification to an object and actually get stuff down pat.
I don't know what kept me more into your piece...perhaps the flow or the content...maybe a mixture of either...but both were great. Hmmmm...It's evident that you have probably been a good writer all of your life...why? your style is polished. Some of the pieces here...people use words out of context, but you actually didn't do that here...not to my reading anyways.

When I read the ending...I actually caught myself laughing...is it just me or did anybody else do it too? I guess I just found it funny how this raindrop can endure such an amazing adventure...and then it's all taken away with a mere brush off...but I guess that you can apply that to life too...Things get taken away in an instant.

Seriously...I could spend all day writing my review...because typing out more will only spark more questions...so i'll end what I am saying here. Great job nique'.

pz. god bless.
- T-West.

[Chris Black]

This was dope. I did a similar piece where I was a teardrop. This reminded me of it. The flow was good. The concept was very original and fresh, so it kept my attention. We need more original shit. I'm bored when reading most OMs now a days but this was a breath of fresh air. Definately worth the read. Good shit. Keep writing, ma.

My Open Mic:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141234

-W1

[Poverty]

Shit Was Nice I Liked The Concept And The Vocabulary Was Crazy

[Nephil]

what I didn't like: "I'm frolic but swift" - should be imo: "frolicking but swift"

what I did like: everything else


Flow was silky smooth like usual - you're on the elite tier of peeps who can rhyme like that and make sense - it seems effortless - nothing seems forced - imagery was right on - described the raindrops journey very clearly - it was poignant and kinda disturbing when you look at it from that angle how the raindrops were just like cattle - being slaughtered - that ending was dope - it stood for a bigger metaphor in so many ways

Me goes and nominates this for special stuff...

[Nique.]

Thanks. Appreciate the feedback.

[Play-Boy187G]

DAMN! that was some descripted shit, I was really just reading waiting for you to slip off the concept but you didn't do it once. For real though I aint ever seen anything like this before. This was way beyond being cold. Good shit great concept and amazing word choice.

[Nique.]

Thanks. Can I get anymore replies?

[Tim]

vocab was off the hook on this piece had me into it the whole time flow was onpoint really the vocab killed it on this piece in a good way

I freeze & shudder, watch as kin wither & dissapear
Believed it was over..I slithered & was inching near..
...the edge, I fall off a side, willing to be a soldier..
But hope was alive, my life spilled unto his shoulder

fav lines

[Ocean]

well ain't this refreshin?...
i'm tryin' to get rained on ma,holla at cha boy from a collab sometime!
nice conceptual peice...
flowing like well,..well written poetry...
6/6

[eric brandt]

good shit man. definitely digging the falling raindrop personification thing. people trying to rhyme generally focus on themselves and their (usually) fake or exagerrated experiences. personification is cool for sure. flowed well.

[Sublime D]

read the sig....invitation open...piece was doperific...excellent personification, excellent use of literary techniques....beautiful diction...

9.5/10

pm me, aim me, post in our stickied thread in poetic scriptures...i knwo you aren't a poet per se, but you have the skill, and this is a purely elite poetry crew...you can still do whatever in any other crew...but you'll have to do poetry with us...i was impressed with your sacred scriptures drop...i read your open mics, more impressed, dissapointed at the low number of them, but each one was good...some really good....you're the preemminent female rapper/poet on the site that i know of.....at leats hit me up on aim so we can discuss this further