Dev and Com "The Butterfly Effect"

[Erupt]

Dev
Another day adjourned, confirmed with a sunset
That day Id bet my mate that my way was more direct
I set off and trekked… he went the other route
As raw recruits we were used to off road pursuits
The dispute would be ended, amended with a winner
First back to camp buys the other’s beer and dinner
To begin I was ahead, fed & led by pure drive
Invigorated with determination, it felt good to be alive
I dived in at the deep end… the terrain was insane
It was a drain but I remained 100% unrestrained
Hell bent on taking the game… yes, I was first in
& the pain in my limbs was worth disproving him
As the light grew dim the night cloaked my sight
I started to wonder, he might have lost the fight
Despite my concern, what id learned said don’t go
So I phoned mountain rescue to let them know
…He was dead!!!
My bro was gone… as I awoke the next morning…
My mourning begun just as the sun was dawning
Yawning, was it a dream?… my head was a spin
…Then from within Déjà vu chilled my skin
Then it hit me, I didn’t win, and HE wasn’t him
He was me, you see it was his idea to begin
We’d just relived the time, so he could reverse his sin



Com
I have a chance to enchance my past events and direct them
To travel back to my mistakes and physically correct them
Miserably left them.... repressed into memory
Occasionally set loose, my own life can offend me
My first decision made involved the day my mission frayed
The immature dialect and the guile I displayed
I had planned to push my friend
.........................from the bridge but quickly catch him
But he had fell to his death so I went back.. reversing fashion
Couldn't allow my companion to fall off and break his knees
Back to present day and I'm a cripple.... he pushed ME..
And now he lives with my wife... and my whole life is an obstacle
Because I met her out jogging..
.................... my new past makes that impossible
The possibility of failure in my next jaunt made me nervous
Coz I was punished last time and this shit I did on purpose...
I feel worthless, can't believe that I'm standing here once more
Underhanded and demanding.... money from the local store..
The whore behind the till wouldnt chill... so I glassed her
Rewind.... dropped the bottle... I couldnt get away faster...
Zip back to the present.. I'm serving life forever prisoned
Coz when I span away that day,, my friends they didnt listen
The woman wouldnt give the cash... so she met her end.. throttled..
And the only prints they found... were on a glass bottle....

[Erupt]

will add links first thing in the morning UK time

[Urchin]

Pretty good. I can't think of any ways to make improvements on this. A real interesting topic. Could've delved a bit deeper into the subject of cause and effect, but going deep while maintaining a good lyrical flow is really difficult, so you still get an A.

[Endeva.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140027
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...794post1591794

COM, nice verse... you hit the topic well...

[Erupt]

same to you

[Emerge]

wack

[Erupt]

^why thank you....

[Endeva.]

fucks sake, is me and COM the only ones who's gonna post in here...

[Erupt]

wtf?? someone leave some feedback pleeease

[Brother Blue Collar]

Dev dope verse flow was on point and the internals was cool as muterfucker, plus i like how you ended the verse nice shit

"Yawning, was it a dream?… my head was a spin
…Then from within Déjà vu chilled my skin
Then it hit me, I didn’t win, and HE wasn’t him
He was me, you see it was his idea to begin
We’d just relived the time, so he could reverse his sin"
hottest lines

com you ended ya verse betta then dev did so that was dope but i felt sum of the vocab in there was forced, but ya imagery was dope as fuck

"Back to present day and I'm a cripple.... he pushed ME..
And now he lives with my wife... and my whole life is an obstacle
Because I met her out jogging..
.................... my new past makes that impossible"
ya dopest lines 2 me

[Endeva.]

damn, only 2 replies... c'mon

[THE DALABIL]

Yo...DEV I gotta bus to catch, but I'm uppn this so it'll still be here when I get back...the first bout 6 lines or so got me interested in seeing where the story is going and I liked the way you rhymed with sunset and direct...COM you first two lines got me interested in where you're going plus I see a lot of multis and all that other blah blah everyone tells me I need but I can see why it adds flavor now.

I'm def going to check this out...sorry bout cutting it short but the calling calls...

One

[~Babylon~]

yo that was real dope.....the flow was off the chain...everything was on point....

and I really like devs endining bars.......

Yawning, was it a dream?… my head was a spin
…Then from within Déjà vu chilled my skin
Then it hit me, I didn’t win, and HE wasn’t him
He was me, you see it was his idea to begin
We’d just relived the time, so he could reverse his sin

^^^that was hot.....

[conquistador]

good story...if that's what it was....that's what I found it to be. But anyway I like your elevated vocab but I didn't like your rhyme scheme. It was to choppy is fluctuated too much. It seemed that you hadn't the ability to alliterate but this is my opinion and it don't mean shit. Take it anyway you want to homie

[Unwritten Hazard]

decent drop, kinda sensitive but it had emotion.


its toooooo simple, not even close to lyrically tight, which made it kinda slow n boring. but if u added more lyrical abilities then overall mushy content.


Dev, try using 2 or 3 word multis, wordplay, complexity, n metas.

Com, u coulda had some meta's, complexity, wordplay maybe even punches.


vocab was good, concepts kinda played, flow n structure is the typical one here on RB. (which means its wrote as a poem instead of a rap), imagery was ok.



7/10 nice drop