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Thread: Dawn And Dusk

  1. #1
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Dawn And Dusk

    24-hours clocks never stop or lie, I’ll start with sunrise
    Its bringing cries of birds singing, as we open our eyes
    With orange skies and a temperate mood in the air
    For a split second you’re without a care, anywhere
    Your not impaired by the tears of the fast moving age
    At this time your spared, it’s the days tranquil stage
    There’s no rage, just dewdrops and a few new crops
    The plants flopped, awake, and flourish to the top
    To be nourished, then it stops, interrupted by man
    Who’s encouraged to destroy with our hands vast span
    By moneymaking, inflation, and those get rich plans
    Taking all we can, with a high demand for disaster
    Thinking we’re the master, polluting faster and faster
    But we’re sinking in the quicksand of a wilting pasture
    We’ve smashed her, nature, with our stature of greed
    Feeling the need to succeed, spreading like a weed
    Yes, indeed I surmise, 9 til 5 defies all that’s wise
    It’s the time that pries heavy on what the world relies
    Too many guys living lies, only thinking of their own
    This implies to me we’re too free to roam, ‘should atone…
    …To rules, and not condone pollution, using fossil fuel
    Cos its not a solution its Colossal and cruel
    It’s just another tool hacking, cracking and attackin’
    We need to slacken the grip, quick before it happens
    Then the pattern of dusk erupts, red, orange, so abrupt
    And the fast world is sucked, tucked away and cupped
    Locked up for the night, despite all that’s taking place
    And a gentle breeze and its pace replace the rat race
    An owls face, the moon and stars glare in outer space
    The chase is over, you could almost forget the strife
    It’s the second calm phase of day, of a maze called life



    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134835
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=133981
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  2. #2
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    The concept was okay, i thought it was iller just being a freeverse but the content was crazy, another joint with tight flow i like how the words really connected from line to line, nothing really broke the stream of things, great affect. also the hint of multi use was good and not at all overdone, at times i thought you should have used a 3 line system with the rhyme because it threw off the flow but you always recovered from it, solid drop, do me a fave and hit mine back? good drop, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  3. #3
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    i can only see one drop by you on the first page and i already did that one... is it me or re you crazy insane... lol

    ... upp... dont sleep just 'cos its quite long...
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  4. #4
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Wow, great imagery. It had a "smooth" feeling to it. I liked the multies alot. You had nice structure with even bars and stong sense of proffesionalism. Not much emotion except that of being calm. But not every poem has to be the incredibly tragic story of how some one dies. Great concept and perfect work on the topic. Definetely worth the read, you had good length. Not too short to take away from the overall feeling of the poem but not so long that it doesn't make me want to not read it. Great job and keep it up.
    murder murder

  5. #5
    Super Spic, w00t! Emerge's Avatar
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    this was nice imagery kinda monotous flow to it thought in my eyes not bad at all indeed this was good writers voice

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...92#post1504692
    hit that up

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  6. #6
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    emerge ill get to yours today after college.... and thnx sharp...
    .....appreciated people
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  7. #7
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    ok.. upp... lets get some more feed over here
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  8. #8
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    Youve always done great with your imagery in your pieces an its one thing i like about reading your stuff...this was a long one but your imagery i must say was what kept me reading it...Good job here Dev...Well im back on RB now...ive been gone for a while but its cause my PC was broke...hope to collab again wit you soon...peace...

    oh an when you get the chance man if your willing to read hit this up man...
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...16#post1505516
    Last edited by ELEETE; June 28th, 2004 at 01:35 PM

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  9. #9
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    ^^thought i aint seemn you in a while.. sure we'll collab soon enough, anytime.. aint collabed in ages.... when your eady im down.... welcome back my friend... damn pc's

    gimme a bit and ill hit your drop, i jus need to finish an assignment for college, then im back on.. so ill do it then.. k bro
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  10. #10
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    The flow of this was just ill. The topic was original, so it felt like I was reading something brand new that I had never seen, unlike most OMs that I read. As all have stated before me, the imagery was good. This was an easy and smoth read. Nice job. Keep up t he good work, homie.

    -W1
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  11. #11
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    W1.. thnx man.. nice too see some of the crew read the other crews shit.... ~one~ to that
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  12. #12
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    damn on the front page of OM i must have about 15-20 replies, yet only a couple have replied back... and to think i read somewhere this is where its 'all happening these days'... damn... is that a joke..
    ....upp
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  13. #13
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    Dang, man.. this flow was crazy in this piece...
    I really really liked this one, the content was remarkable as well,
    Saw where u were going all through it,
    was alot of truth to this one too..
    fantastic imagery, I never fell off anywhere in reading this..
    very nice, should be in OM of month, really enjoyed this
    Dope. keep up. pz
    PandorasBox



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  14. #14
    Scriptious
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    Very nice imagry..nice topic..making it a dope verse..the flow was sick..just continuing flow..which was nice..content is good..straight on the subject..no faults which i can see..props..

  15. #15
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    thnx for the replies...
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